Love Thy Neighbor Can Be Hard Labor

13 Jan

Love thy neighbor – but NOT their posts on the online Neighbor Chatline

Neighbor Barb Best Humor

 

RECENT POSTS

Noise!

It is like awesome that we have this community chat group to share our feelings. Peace, love and friendship to all.

Imagine my consternation when lounging on my balcony this morning, enjoying the gentle rays of the sun, sipping my artisinal chai tea…

… when an eardrum-piercing racket made my breakfast ritual – let alone any silent prayer and meditation – impossible.

My emotional support chicken was traumatized. This is wrong, as it is my job to be traumatized.

Who the hell is the friggin’ clarinet player in our midst?

 

Help!

Desperately need someone to clean my house this week.  (don’t we all, honey)

 

Damn Internet – Is yours out, too?

 

A Pelican Kidnaps our Dog

We are heartbroken as an insane pelican brazenly took our precious cockapoo from our backyard. Out of nowhere, the pelican appeared above and swooped down on my precious pooch! In spite of frantic screeching from me, the pelican swooped up my baby with its bulldozer mouth and flew off in a fury. WTF!

 

Inappropriate Behavior

Unfortunately, I have been the witness to and recipient of some pretty darn inappropriate behavior. Imagine my horror when two boys on skateboards careened past me in our commons area. I almost fell and broke multiple bones. I’m having a police sketch artist come up with a flyer. Justice will be served.

 

Damn Cable TV – Is yours out?

 

Found Cat

Love Thy Neighbor Barb Best Humor

“I found the most adorable cat, a real mensch, cute as punch and highly personable. Hell, he’s almost employable… maybe as a restaurant hostess or a life coach.

Did someone lose this little guy?  Tough luck ’cause I’m keeping him! He loves us – and creme fraiche with his daily lobster bowl. No worry. We’ll take good care of him.

 

Damn cell service – Is yours out, too? Again?

 

New Year 2018: Questions & Concerns

3 Jan

Happy New Year!   May this year be your BEST ever 🙂

 

2018HappyNewYear

 

Questions & Concerns

What is weighing heavy on your mind this new year?

So many issues of substance and style – must the world be so worrisome?

 

New Year 2018: Questions and Concerns

My Nagging Questions & Concerns

 

  • Flannel bedding – why such a controversial issue?

[…]

The Holidays! Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome?

14 Dec

Holidays

The holidays are upon us

Yay! and Ugh!

The Holidays are Here Barb Best

 

‘Tis the season to be harried

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

‘Tis the season to be melancholy

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Holiday Humor Barb Best

 

Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome YET?

[…]

Sorry Not Sorry! Cockamamie Sex Confessions

30 Nov

Sorry is the hardest word.

Cockamamie Confessions

Guilty of “inappropriate sexual behavior?”

It’s time for a pricey crisis public relations consultant, a criminal defense lawyer (preferably female) and perhaps, a cushy stint in rehab.

I’m Sorry

“Remember that time I tackled you on the fire escape during the office holiday party, grabbed you by the hair, dragged you back into the burning building (those damn candle decorations), and raped you on top of the microwave in the break room?”

“I have a different recollection of that incident than you do.”

 

So Sorry

[…]

Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies & the Opera Carmen

15 Nov

Book

I loved Gretchen Rubin’s latest book The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too). I listened to the audiobook version – it is fascinating!

Expectations

The Four Tendencies provides a framework to identify in ourselves – and others – how we are inclined to respond to expectations. The tendencies are Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.

La La La

Recently, I attended a production of Carmen with three friends – a Questioner, an Obliger, and an Upholder. Like most comedic saps, I am a Rebel. […]

Cell Messages I Missed Because My Signal Dropped Out

25 Oct

Cellphones and Signals

Reaching me via cell – the expectations are way too high!

8:15 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, (cough) (cough) will you give me a ring when you get a chance? Thank you.”

 

9:25 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, would you mind driving honey? I don’t feel like driving. (laughter) Would you mind? Um, I’m trying to see if 12:00 is a good time for us to leave. No, not leave here, I mean just to get there. Um, what’s the traffic? I wonder if you’ve been out yet? You haven’t been out yet, have you? Okay, give me a call when you get this. Thank you, dear. Bye.”

 

10:42 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, I’ve been trying to reach you. (strained laughter) Is your phone ringing or what? Um… I figure we should leave around twenty-five after ’cause it takes a little while to go through the park up there… if that’s okay with you (thru teeth) sweetheart.

Okay, I’ll talk to you when you get home.” CLICK.

[…]

Don’t Laugh! I’m In Clown Love: Puddles Pity Party

12 Oct

Puddles Pity Party

What’s not to love?

 

[…]

Giraffe Drinking Habits: A Tall Zoo Tale

28 Sep

Giraffe

Tall tale or tall tail?

It’s a zoo out there

For reasons unknown, I recently visited a zoo.

The highlight was visiting the Masai giraffes.

BarbBestZooGiraffeHumor

 

There was a family of three – Michael, Betty Lou, and Parker. Yup, they had names, but not name tags.

For an extra eight bucks, you could “Get up close and personal with the tallest residents of the Zoo! Hand feed Masai giraffes and have the experience of a lifetime.”

I was too late (and too cheap) to make feeding time,

BUT I discovered that the real show is not feeding the giraffes – it’s hanging with them after they dine. […]

My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

12 Sep

My cat has a bucket list.

As a matter of fact, he has nine.

 

Yes! My Cat Has a Bucket List

            You talkin’ to me?

 

He has (begrudgingly) granted me permission to share his first list with you.

 

  • Roll in the dirt with that sassy ginger tabby from across the street who struts by my sliding glass door several times a week.

[…]

News to Amuse – 7 Items that Won’t Stress You Out

26 Aug

Flash!

The news is stressing everyone out.

Anxiety, depression, and despair are consuming many, BUT –

Barb Best Humor: News To Amuse

Good News!

Not all of the headlines are apocalyptic. Some are merely strange and disturbing.

 

News To Amuse: Barb Best Humor

Here are 7 ITEMS you may have missed

 

 

[…]

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