Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

14 May

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

 

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

 

Anti-Anxiety blankets for adults are all the rage.

They come in varying weights – heavy and heavier.

They are advertised as being the solution to all of your problems with insomnia, anxiety, depression, Asperger’s, chronic back pain, red velvet cupcake cravings, extreme couponing, and the bovine blues.

Plus, they are more FUN than a strait jacket!

However

If for some reason, your weighted blanket doesn’t calm you, but instead causes sleep paralysis or nightmares that you’re being suffocated by a colossal beanbag…

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

Eureka!

 

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

  1. Functions as a saddle when giving young children horsey rides or for your own equine pleasure with consenting adults.

 

  1. Great for muscle toning. Pump like barbells. It’s never too early to fend off osteopenia, pop a neck vein, or jerk yourself a hiatal hernia.

 

  1. Works as a cost-effective, minimally attractive base for your Xmas tree or beach umbrella.

 

  1. Makes a fitting shroud for your conked out sex robot.

 

  1. Doubles as a cement body bag for that difficult family member or colleague who owes you money.

 

  1. Perfect for hiding from chirpy hospital clowns.

 

  1. A stylish complement to your rigor mortis inducing bamboo sleepwear.

 

  1. Midget wrestling mat.

 

  1. Ideal comfort gift for the close friend suffering from pet grief, opioid addiction, alcohol poisoning, or a sugar coma.

 

  1. Highly effective dog behavioral tool. Successful corrective for incorrigible barkers.

 

  1. Feeling crapulous? Of course you are! Your weighted blanket is a curative for killer hangovers. Cop a fetal position, duck, and cover.

 

  1. Perfect for extinguishing those pesky incidents of spontaneous human combustion.

 

  1. Baby gift for obese infant.

 

  1. Use to curb basement flooding as climate change causes the sea levels to rise.

 

  1. Captain Obvious. Suffocate the spouse. Collect the life insurance.

 

Some people have all the FUN – Join me on Pinterest 

I’ve Got Balls Yes I Do

Mother’s Day Gift Suggestions for Badass Moms

21 Apr

Mother’s Day is soon.

Forget the sappy lace cards, the lazy texts, the half-baked brunches, and the lame flowers!

How ’bout a cutting edge gift from the gut that your badass mom can really enjoy?

Badass Moms Barb Best Humor

7 Mother’s Day Gifts for Badass Moms

  • Matching tattoos. What a great bonding experience for Mommy and the little ones. Yes, there will be tears, but this is your legacy. How sweet!  You and your kids will flash the same toxic ink image for the rest of your lives.

 

  • A trip to the archery range. Nothing says “Urgent Care” like a bow and arrow in virgin hands. Who needs a Glock 43 when you are adept with lethal projectiles? You’ll score a bullseye to Mom’s heart with this thoughtful gift.

[…]

Top Funny Blogs: We All Need a Laugh

6 Apr

SO Happy to be on this new list of FUNNY BLOGS!

Thank You!

 

Top 45 Funny Blogs

FUNNY BOOKS

Hilarious! Look Alive Out There: Essays by Sloane Crosley

On Amazon https://amzn.to/2GEdJqu

Have you read it yet?

See you on Twitter!

Day by Day: Are You Having a Bad Day?

29 Mar

Are you having a bad day?

Or a good 24 hours?

Classic Judith Viorst children’s book

 

Two Months of Bad Days

According to a recent study (don’t you hate recent studies?)

The average American has two months of ‘bad days’ every year.

60 days!

This is darn near one-sixth of your entire year.

Bad Day

Let us define… “A Bad Day”

“My wireless went out for five minutes and I panicked. It wasn’t pretty. ”

“I had to wait in line for ten minutes at Starbucks for my afternoon Iced Cinnamon Almondmilk Macchiato. I thought I’d die.” […]

Married? 15 Reasons You Want A Divorce

15 Mar

Happily Married?

15 Reasons You Want A Divorce

A happy marriage is a mystery to many.

 

Married 15 Reasons You Want a Divorce Humor

                            Brainy Quote

 

Everything considered

when it comes to being happily married,

it’s the little things, isn’t it?

married […]

No Kidding! 5 Reasons You Are Anxious and Depressed

1 Mar

5 Reasons You Are Anxious and Depressed

#1  You just gave birth

You are supremely grateful for this amazing blessing from God, however…

you feel you did not receive a worthy “push present.”

http://vst.to/Ai7cAMY

 

push present

Have you noticed that L.A. celebs (like wild magpies) love shiny objects?

 

#2  Freaky Leaky Gut

You ate the whole thing.

[…]

Play and Laugh Along with Game Show Jeopardy!

14 Feb

Play is good for you.

Go ahead!

Play… with your food.

Toy… with your food for thought.

Amuse yourself… with your knowledge.

 

Play and Laugh Along with Jeopardy!

[…]

LUCKY is Relative: Why YOU are Having a Good Week!

29 Jan

LUCKY?

YOU?

Yup.

Here’s why you are lucky this week:

 

* You haven’t been sucked into an MRI machine.

LUCKY

 

Man Dies After Being Sucked Into An MRI Machine via @IFLScience:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-an-mri-machine  […]

Love Thy Neighbor Can Be Hard Labor

13 Jan

Love thy neighbor – but NOT their posts on the online Neighbor Chatline

Neighbor Barb Best Humor

 

RECENT POSTS

Noise!

It is like awesome that we have this community chat group to share our feelings. Peace, love and friendship to all.

Imagine my consternation when lounging on my balcony this morning, enjoying the gentle rays of the sun, sipping my artisinal chai tea…

… when an eardrum-piercing racket made my breakfast ritual – let alone any silent prayer and meditation – impossible.

My emotional support chicken was traumatized. This is wrong, as it is my job to be traumatized. […]

New Year 2018: Questions & Concerns

3 Jan

Happy New Year!   May this year be your BEST ever 🙂

 

2018HappyNewYear

 

Questions & Concerns

What is weighing heavy on your mind this new year?

So many issues of substance and style – must the world be so worrisome?

 

New Year 2018: Questions and Concerns

My Nagging Questions & Concerns

 

  • Flannel bedding – why such a controversial issue?

[…]

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