Hello: Eleven Reasons Why

17 Feb

Hello

So much email, so many phone calls, too many texts… too little time.

 

BarbBestHumor

 

So Why Haven’t I Returned Your Emails, Calls, and Texts in 5 Weeks?

Hello! It’s challenging to muster the same sense of urgency to email, call, text responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching The Tennis Channel.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails, calls, texts either 🙂

11 Reasons for My Slow Response

  • Too much “connection” – mostly via the iPhone.
  • Memory clutter. Hiring a cleaning crew to come in and dust my dendrites.
  • Lost in the throes of a winter romance with UnReal Candy Coated Milk Chocolate Peanuts.
  • The flu. It’s going around. Don’t want to catch it. Minimizing all contact.
  • Been swamped studying for the final exam for my adult coloring class.
  • Too much plaid. It’s everywhere. You know it and I know it.
  • Addled and anxious – due, no doubt, to way too many fizzy drinks. OR perhaps all the pain and suffering in the world. Carbonation kills.
  • Hello! Envious of that goody two shoes Adele.
  • Dealing with trauma caused by friends’ sexy Valentine’s Day extravaganza photos posted on Facebook
  • It’s hook-up night at the nursing home.
  • Procrastinator privilege.

 

 

Goodbye.

FEEL GOOD TIP: You Haven’t Got Time for the Pain

2 Feb

NoPainBarbBestHumor

 

Run-of-the-mill pain, angst, misery – it’s all relative.

One poor schlub’s kidney stone is someone else’s stubbed toe.

Many people claim to be miserable. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hurt?

Pain Scale Humor

Universal Pain Assessment Tool

 

Seriously: You don’t have to be totally free of pain to be 🙂 […]

New Year Goals for Slackers: Aim Low!

19 Jan

GOAL is a four-letter word

If you’re a proud slacker, you are most likely just now getting around to giving some (but not too much) thought to the dreaded New Year’s Goals and Resolutions.

I can help with this endeavor.

BarbBestHumorBlogGoals

Advice – you know you love it!

 

Here are a few goals you may want to add to your (no doubt) short list…

[…]

Alarm Clocks are Evil and Sleep is Divine

4 Jan

BarbBestHumorBlog

 

I hate alarm clocks, even the cute one on my iPhone.

They are about as comforting as jackhammers and leg cramps – and almost as jarring as a bugle blast in the face.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Must greeting the new day become a cortisol-pumping emergency? […]

Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake

Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

May I Suggest a New Hobby?

2 Dec

May I suggest a new hobby?

 

New Hobby Barb Best Humor

 

These are a few hobbies I’m seriously considering…

Sleep Eating

Sleep can be oh so boring, so what better way to liven it up? Go on a groggy 2:00 a.m. binge with a banana bundt cake or a bucket of fried chicken – all without the guilt. Sleep eating combines two of my favorite activities… sleeping and eating!

Competitive dog grooming

It’s also pet therapy. Everyone gets a sloppy kiss. Also a few bites and scratches. […]

How To Have A Homicide-Free Holiday

22 Nov

 

Thanksgiving with the family?

We all agree a homicide-free holiday is nice.

Don't talk Politics

MY TIPS

  • Don’t talk politics.

 

  • Respect your family members’ feelings… even if they are obviously stupid, illogical, and batsh*t crazy.

 

  • Don’t talk politics.

[…]

News and You: It’s Time for An Intervention

12 Nov

News and Yous: It's Time for An Intervention

A News Intervention

Have you been overdosing on the news?  (Of course you have.)

Consuming media 24/7?  (You bet!)

Watching, reading, and listening to everything? (Oh, yeah.)

News and Yous: It's Time for An Intervention

Now that the election is over

Perhaps you need to go on an Information Diet, Internet Detox, or Facebook Cleanse?

If you are like me, you are ready for a strong bourbon and a boob massage about now. […]

Sleep is for the Single-Minded: Zzz

4 Nov

Sleep, where art thou?

 

ZZZZ! Sleep is for the Single

Photo Credit:Barb Best

 

Why can’t you sleep?

ZZZ!

Help me please, I barely sleep a wink

And three a.m. is no time to think,

Could it be restless feet or something dumber

Forcing me to lose my beauty slumber? […]

Comedy and Cancer: What’s So Funny?

21 Oct

Cover of "Cancer Schmancer"

Cover of Cancer Schmancer

Comedy and Cancer

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Here are a few funny and empowering books, plays, TV series, and movies that promote humor and comedy when battling cancer.

Tig Notaro

Stand-up comedian and writer survived breast cancer and a double mastectomy.

“Hello, I Have Cancer.” […]

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