My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

12 Sep

My cat has a bucket list.

As a matter of fact, he has nine.

 

Yes! My Cat Has a Bucket List

            You talkin’ to me?

 

He has (begrudgingly) granted me permission to share his first list with you.

 

  • Roll in the dirt with that sassy ginger tabby from across the street who struts by my sliding glass door several times a week.

 

  • Experience the freedom that mountain lions in the wild possess… but still be able to recline safely on the sofa for hours in the sun room whenever I desire.

 

  • Star in a funny cat video that goes VIRAL so I can cash in big time. YouTube is calling!

 

  • Experience bigger and better PURRS well into my latter years.

 

  • Pull a memorable prank on the dopey dog… perhaps something involving a rubber chicken, fishing wire, and a drone.

 

  • Scare the bejesus out of the vet and technicians when they hold me down for a shot.

 

  • All the wild caught Copper River King Salmon I can eat.

 

 

Don’t miss this poignant story from the New York Post:

Veteran makes touching bucket list for service dog

“A Marine veteran and his bomb-turned-service dog are in the midst of completing their final mission together, after a veterinarian told Cpl. Jeff DeYoung that his trusted pooch has just weeks left to live.”

http://nypost.com/2017/07/25/veteran-makes-touching-bucket-list-for-service-dog/?utm_campaign=iosapp&utm_source=mail_app

 

HELL NO! This ain’t becoming no dang cat blog!

 

A Bucket List for the Burned-Out

News to Amuse – 7 Items that Won’t Stress You Out

26 Aug

Flash!

The news is stressing everyone out.

Anxiety, depression, and despair are consuming many, BUT –

Barb Best Humor: News To Amuse

Good News!

Not all of the headlines are apocalyptic. Some are merely strange and disturbing.

 

News To Amuse: Barb Best Humor

Here are 7 ITEMS you may have missed

 

 

[…]

Chocolate Krispy Kreme & Coffee: My Eclipse Party

17 Aug

As far as I’m concerned, it’s always time for chocolate and coffee.

Krispy Kreme

and a Total Solar Eclipse?

Sounds like an excuse to partay!

I’m ready. And I’m going to the dark side.

 

Krispy Kreme Chocolate Eclipse

“Dark” as in…

coffee and chocolate, of course.

[…]

Healthscare: Making a Money Mountain out of a Mole

4 Aug

Healthscare: Making A Money Mountain out of a Mole

Healthcare Fun

Let’s make a money mountain out of an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny mole!

Healthcare: Making A Money Mountain out of a Mole

“Holy Moly!”

 

News Flash

I notice a new? mole on my neck.

Being hyper vigilant (and vain) I hop online and compare my mole to images of other moles.

(BTW it is disturbing how many pics of moles are posted on the web. Way too much sharing!) […]

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

21 Jul

SUBJECT: Playing Hooky  Goofing Off  Planned Absences

TO:  Kyle Flicker

General Manager

Misery Productions

Los Angeles, CA

Dear Boss: Planned Absences

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Flicker,

I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.

  • My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.

 

  • I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.

[…]

Sugar Crash: 7 Random Reflections Gleaned

7 Jul

 

Sugar

Life is sweet. And what’s more fun than a blood sugar crash at 3:00 a.m.?

Sleep Blood Sugar Crash

 7 Random Reflections Gleaned from My Nightly Blood Sugar Crash

  • Geez, my pancreas needs a fidget spinner.

[…]

Lizards Mating: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself

22 Jun

Lizards

Eidechse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leaping Lizards! Yuck!

There is a lighter side to lizards… just watch them mate sometime.

7 Questions To Ask Yourself While Watching Lizards Mate

  • Isn’t nature amazing?

 

  • What – no foreplay?

[…]

La La Land June Gloom The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

10 Jun

An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorow?

In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.

In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.

However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”

The Endless Summer

JUNE GLOOM

According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)

“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”

Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”

June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.

[…]

Nuts and Dogs and Cats

26 May

Wondering. Does this warning include…

 

Barb Best Humor Nut Allergy

 

Nutjobs?

If only.

Alert the powers that be! Peanut warnings should include “nutjobs.”

Weekend Fun

Over 22 million people have seen this funny dog cat video. Why not you?

 

 

See you on Twitter. I’m @Habarb

Want a fun read? Check out The Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody

Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want

12 May

With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.

English: Mother's Day card

English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

[…]

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