Issues, Issues: We All Have ‘Em

28 Aug

 

Issues. Problems. Difficulties.

We all have issues

Issues, Issues: We All Have 'Em

I feel your pain.

  • You see oddball smiley faces in kernels of corn. And you photograph them.

 

  • You get jet lag from going to an air show.

 

  • You simply can’t resist the urge to take a selfie with a rattlesnake or a rabid raccoon.

 

  • You’re convinced there are sinkholes and lightning bolts with your name on them. And they are gonna find you. Soon. Perhaps on the same Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

 

  • Speaking of issues…  Mamma Mia!  Have you noticed that ALL of the candidates running for President have glaring Daddy issues?

 

  • Bazooka Joe Blow!  You believe all sugar is evil and that chewing gum is a gateway drug.

 

  • You have a 20-Something son (who lives with you) who is going for another Master’s Degree – this time in Ukulele.

 

  • Your Goth daughter is getting married by a Wiccan priest at a Taco Bell. You are conflicted. For the wedding, should you request she lose the spiky dog collar-choker and wear white? Or should you, just, roll, over, and, give, the, F, up?

BarbBest Humor Blog

Life is hard. That’s why we have humor :-)

Love your comments! Share them via Twitter @HaBarb

 

Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat

21 Aug

 

This is a message (heh, a threat you say?) from me, your imperious cat.

CATastrophe

Planning on leaving me (your cherished feline pet) at home while you go on a business trip or (how dare you) a fancy vacation is a provocation at best, and, at worst, an act of war.

 

Vacation? A Message from Your Cat

    Do I look pleased?

 

May I remind you… Actions have consequences!

My expectations are simple

Any pet sitters (or as I call them – my personal assistants) you hire will have to be approved by moi. I will not accept a total stranger, a mindless teen, or an idiot relative. You will have to fork the big bucks for a seasoned professional.

I will need the usual creature comforts: plenty of poached wild salmon, tuna treats, filtered drinking water, and fresh (not the cheap packaged stuff) catnip. A few new frou-frou toys would be nice.

I will be using your overpriced, purple velvet, hand embroidered, imported meditation cushion as a cat bed, and – if I’m in the mood – a Porta-Potty.

There may be some acting out – I may have to spray the sofa cushions and use the Monet as a scratching post.

Expect some attitude when you return home (the scene of your crime).

The silent treatment and the cold shoulder will be part of your punishment. Suffice it to say, there will be more hissing than purring for awhile.

You can always “talk to the tail.”

Although I am pretty pissed at you, I will save up my hairballs and dead mice for you. You can thank me later.

 

BarbBestHumorBlog

   Hear Me Roar!

 

Remember… I am the master. You are the slave. (MEOW)

 

THANK YOU  for subscribing to “I Feel Your Pain!” and reading it on Alltop.com and on Facebook.  YOU are the BEST!

 

 

Summer Beach Bummers

14 Aug

 

Fun in the sun isn’t always fun.

A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment.

And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet :)

My 15 summer bummers… What are yours?

1.   Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board

2.   Sunburn on private parts

3.   Younger, slimmer, and obviously wealthier women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings

4.   Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones

5.   People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb […]

20 Tips from My Snarky Teen

7 Aug

ICYMI

Tina Fey‘s 5 year old daughter Alice says crazy funny things all the time. She’s constantly cracking Tina up. How cute!

Did I say… she’s five?

As daughters become older, they become increasingly brutal entertaining and wise – especially with their advice.

parenting

 

Tips From My Teen

  •   Lose the Carol Brady haircut.
  •   Nothing dates you more than saying “groovy.”
  •   Don’t chat with the grocery store cashier like she’s a long lost BFF.

[…]

Are You MONEY Rich? How To Tell!

31 Jul

 

Are you rich?

I’m talkin’  $$$ MONEY $$$ RICH $$$not health & love & family & all that real stuff.

Dough. Moola. Donero.

 

Are You Money Rich? Barb Best Humor Blog

Here’s how you can tell!

– For your birthday, you launch personal fireworks displays from your auxiliary yacht. […]

Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry? A Checklist

25 Jul

 

Is your 20-Something ready (as in mature enough) to marry?

EEK! Your little baby, a 20-Something, is tying the marriage knot.

Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry?

Here is a checklist to determine if he/she is sufficiently prepared for matrimony.

  • Potty-trained
  • Pays own cell phone bill
  • Able to kill a spider by self
  • Wisdom teeth (and some wisdom) have appeared

[…]

Summer Fun? I Feel Your Summer Pain

18 Jul

 

Feelin’ your summer pain!

Barb Best I Feel Your Summer Pain

  • Trying to get in shape. Hmmm… Are your knees supposed to crack when you do squats?

 

  • Too much sun. Over exposed. Face it.

          Oh, well… Isn’t an age spot just a freckle that grew up? […]

SPLISH SPLASH: 15 Ways to Save Water?

9 Jul

 

Thirsty, anybody?

Splish Splash 15 Ways To Save Water

You may have heard.

Among the many crises in California, there is a record-breaking drought.

And so, here is my contribution to the water conservation effort.

BarbBestHumorBlog

15 WAYS TO SAVE WATER

  • Bathe with your dog.
  • Shower infrequently, briefly, and with the neighbors.

[…]

Chicken Soup for The Comic Soul

3 Jul

 

Melissa Rivers has written a funny book about her mother Joan RiversThe Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation.

She shares what it was like to grow up in the Rosenberg home and presents an amusing and endearing portrait of her mother and her father.

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Melissa mentions that included in the reading material Joan had on her nightstand was “the audio version of Chicken Soup for the Soul

I found this tidbit revealing.

Chicken soup for the comic soul.

We all need nourishment.

Looking for a good book?

You’ll enjoy The Book of Joan and Chicken Soup for the Soulall 250 + titles!

 

 

Summer: 7 Burning Questions To Ponder

27 Jun

 

Summer Madness!!!

7 Burning Questions To Ponder

Summer Madness Barb Best Humor Blog

Should I walk my cat on a leash?

Here’s the argument for “Hey, why not?” from the Huffington Post

 

Which is more expensive… a trip to Paris or a new porcelain crown for that #3 molar you broke when you bit down on a granola nugget?

Guess. Apparently porcelain does not grow on trees. […]

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