A Third Breast? 5 GOOD Reasons to Add One!

24 Sep

Mamma Mia!

Woman undergoes surgery to add third breast.

Why? You ask!

“I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don’t want to date anymore,” Jasmine said.
Honey, couldn’t you just skip waxing and adopt five cats?

Also, it seems Jasmine has the dream of having her own Reality TV show.

Not a bad hoax. But it got me to thinking…

5 GOOD REASONS TO ADD A THIRD BOOB

  • You just had twins. Or triplets. And you plan on breastfeeding.  Do the math.

[...]

Prescription Drug Name or Disney Character?

17 Sep

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What’s in a name? In a prescription drug name?

Drug companies sell directly to the consumer/patient/poor schlub like me via TV commercials.

Doctors now take prescription requests.

“Doc, I saw this snazzy, sexy ad for “Beallus” that was shot on the beach in Hawaii. God, I’m in pain.

I’d like to try some of that! Pen me a prescription, will you?”

The prescription drug names are cool and catchy. They promise an orgasmic paradise, a spa experience, a pain-free existence.

But… many drug names sound like Disney characters to me. [...]

Pet Peeves and the Curmudgeonly Spirit

10 Sep

Curmudgeons are in a perpetual state of annoyance.

They cultivate their pet peeves wholeheartedly.

With art and age comes a greater license to voice such pained sentiments.

If you can kvetch in a funny way – it is a blessing to all.

In the spirit of the book by Joan Rivers I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me

And with tongue in cheek

My PET PEEVES… Stuff I Hate!

Stemless wine glasses   (They look like cheap jelly jars for preschoolers)

Lengthy Minimalist newsletters   (Duh) [...]

Cry Me a Joan River

4 Sep

 

 JOAN RIVERS was a force of nature. Early on especially, Joan bubbled over with playful, hyperbolic, self-deprecating humor. Fresh and feminine. Clever. Smart. I was thrilled to have written, sold one-liners to her for over 5 years. She was an amazing performer, writer, editor, author of 12 books. She’ll be funny always. Like Robin Williams, she is also being remembered for her kindness and generosity.

https://www.facebook.com/BarbBestHumor

Joan Rivers

“My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. 

Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

Reality TV – An Escape from Reality

2 Sep

 

SEPTEMBER…

Back to school for many,

Back to Reality TV for many more.

We know that Reality TV bears no resemblance to “real” reality – as in “the” news, world events, family problems, and friend dramas – hence it’s wide appeal and immense popularity.

Yum. Reality TV is junk food for the brain. [...]

I Feel Your Salmonella Pain

26 Aug

 

This week,

I was going to write a scholarly (yet hilarious and insightful) treatise on the societal impact of dual hula hoop and ice bucket challenge addictions…

but I was deterred – and perhaps sickened – by the latest salmonella peanut-almond butter scare.

EXHIBIT A:  My jar of almond butter fingered by the FDA.  Selected for it’s superior nutritional value. It’s so tasty, too!

 

Almond Butter [...]

“Smiles To Go” Photo Collection

19 Aug

Ball posing with a selection of Smiley merchan...

Ball posing with a selection of Smiley merchandising (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Smiles to Go

In honor of World Smile Day coming up on October 3rd,

we celebrate Harvey Ball, the graphic artist and creator of (ta-da)

THE smiley face.

Harvey drew the original smiley face 50 years ago.

Pain and misery are out there… but, guess what? [...]

Send In the Damn Clowns

12 Aug

 

SEND IN THE CLOWNS…

[I]t’s a theater reference meaning “if the show isn’t going well, let’s send in the clowns”;

in other words, “let’s do the jokes.” – Stephen Sondheim

 

When asked about Robin Williams, most say “sweet.”  I LOVE this!

 

There’s a classic story about the legendary clown Joseph Grimaldi that comes to mind…

The patient  http://www.historyextra.com/blog/patient [...]

7 Great Ideas That Will Change the World?

7 Aug

 

Everyone wants to change the world.

Great Ideas that will Change the World

(well, maybe just mine or yours )

1. Move to the beach; adopt casual coastal philosophy toward life (and flooring).

 

2. Convert the boring automatic dishwasher in the (duh) kitchen to a wine cooler. Cheers! [...]

Summer Notes To Self: 7 To Ponder

2 Aug

 

 

Scribbled on an iPhone “Notes” APP near you…

 

  • If a stranger tells you, “I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy!” three times in the course of a ten minute conversation in a doctor’s waiting room… take them at their word.  Run for the hills.
  • Overheard at the veterinarian’s office: “Coyotes are cute. I want to hug them all.” Good luck with that…

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