25 Reasons I Can’t Breathe!

27 Feb

 

No kidding. 25 Reasons I Can’t Breathe! 

 

25 Reasons I Can't Breathe

Photo Credit:SR

 

OOPS! I’m Not Breathing.

Why Not? You May Ask…

I forgot

My damn bra is too tight

I need an APP for that

Too much in love

Screw it, it’s a Snow Day

No Post-It note that says “breathe!”

Scared to death, no iPhone reception

Ask my cat who is on top of me puncturing my right lung with his shark tooth nails

Bad yoga teacher

Was not invited to Vanity Fair Oscar party

Been on the internet all day and neglecting basic functions

In deep meditation or coma, not sure which

Disturbed by image of Madonna in a slutty thong and a walker

Brain fog in L.A. thick as sweet pea soup

Exhausted from juicing, seriously contemplating a key lime cleanse

Damn politicians sucking up all the air on the planet

Taylor Swift asked me not to breathe and she’s so nice

Victim of a drive-by egging

Want to be blue

Could be allergies

House fire blamed on Nutella jar boggles my mind

Too many emails

Busy inspecting water bottle for Superbug bacteria

Still breathless over Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews

Can’t afford a gold Apple Watch

 

I welcome your comments. Please send them to me on Twitter or Facebook. Thanks!

 

5 Absurd News Items You May Have Missed

21 Feb

 

Do you find much of the news to be absurd?

We live in a crazy world. We might as well laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life’s absurdities by thinking absurdly about them.”

Lewis Mumford

 

absurd news items

 5 gems from the news you may have missed

[…]

7 Gratitude TIPS for the Grumpy

16 Feb

Gratitude is where it’s at, dude.

Barb Best Humor Blog Gratitude

 

If guilted sufficiently, even die-hard cranks and curmudgeons can occasionally muster enough oomph to express a grunt or two of gratitude.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for Google

Everything I know, knew, never knew, and can’t remember – I learned on Google. […]

Be My FUNNY Valentine, will ya?

6 Feb

 

Be my funny Valentine, will ya, pull-ease?

Remember… Women crave men who have a BIG… sense of humor.

Funny is sexy!

+++

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself! […]

7 Survivor TIPS: I Feel Your Air Travel Pain

30 Jan

 

air travel pain

Enjoy your flight!

 

I feel your air travel pain!

Flying is no longer the inspiring, sexy adventure it used to be.

If one is flying coach nowadays (WHAT? You don’t own a Gulf Stream GV? Sorry to hear that…)

one needs a survival plan.

BarbBestHumor

Right!

 

Here are 7 Survivor TIPS

  • Avoid all children, the elderly, and those more neurotic and/or anxious than you.

[…]

ALL Pets Are Emotional Support Animals

23 Jan

 

ALL pets are emotional support animals, don’t ya think?

Barb Best Humor

If I had an official “emotional support animal” – it would be an imaginary one like in the Jimmy Stewart film “Harvey.”

Or maybe a pink giraffe or a purple unicorn. Something distinctive. […]

And The Booby Prize Goes To…

16 Jan

 

Booby Prize

has nothing to do with boobs of the female breast persuasion.

 

And The Booby Prize Goes To...

Boing! Boing! Boing!

 

According to The New Oxford American Dictionary (non-Braille edition),

booby prize

is “a prize given as a joke to the last-place finisher in a race or competition.”

It’s awards season in Hollywood.

It’s time for all the boobs to come out.

[…]

Smiles To Go! The World Needs A Smile

9 Jan

 

The world needs a smile… or 2 or 3 or 7!

99 cents. A short and sweet picture book of smiles from around the world.

ALL proceeds go to health & humor nonprofits including Association for Applied & Therapeutic Humor and RxLaughter.

Let’s support the healing power of comedy and laughter.

Smiles To Go: Take-Out for the SMILE Hungry  amazon

 

BarbBestHumor

Thank you. Smile On.

Thanks to all those who support free speech and humor… National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the Harvard Lampoon, Jon Stewart, Conan O’Brien

7 New Year’s RID-solutions to Ponder

2 Jan

 

Woo Hoo! 2015!

Got resolutions?

I’ve got RID-solutions!

BarbBestHumor

Good luck!

 

In 2015, let’s say Bye-Bye to…

1.      Denial.  “I’ll just have one more chocolate covered cherry because, after all, it’s a vital part of celebrating holiday traditions and participating in the pursuit of freedom.”

2.    Pride. I will not become irritated when I lose at tennis even though a) it is obviously my partner’s fault b) the sun is in my eyes c) I had too much coffee for breakfast d) not enough coffee e) I have a calf cramp f) I’m not wearing my lucky socks. […]

Happy New Year: 7 Things I Learned in 2014

26 Dec

 

Whoosh! Another year has passed like a kidney stone.

Happy New Year!

BarbBestHumor

7 Things I Learned in 2014:

We live. We learn. I feel your pain.

  1. If your hair is falling out, go to the doctor.
  2. Don’t ink and drive. Put the Post-it notes away!
  3. If done wrong, yoga can hurt you more than crocodile wrestling.
  4. The holidays can give you a hangover comparable to one from a Jacuzzi full of vodka martinis.
  5. Don’t bite down on ice, ginger chews, or errant popcorn kernels unless you crave intimate time with your gabby dentist.
  6. The more you do… the more that needs to be done. (Fig Newton’s Law of Momentum)
  7. With age comes perks. I personally delight in my cackle*
    *a raucous laugh resembling the cry of a hen or goose.

 New Year’s Tip: Keep Calm & Cackle On!

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