Barb Best

Cats… too cool for canine drool.

What your cat won’t tell you:

1 -  Geez. Brush your teeth before you breathe in my face.  BTW you snore like a Sumo wrestler.

2 -  I am an extremely sensual, mystical being – an INFP* to be exact – so deal with it.

3 -  Don’t give me canned tuna and say it’s Wild Alaskan Salmon. I wasn’t weaned yesterday. 

4 -  “Talk to the Tail” means “Talk to the Tail!”

5 -  Sometimes you piss me off so I pee in your cozy pair of sheepskin slippers. I don’t get angry. I get even.

6 -  The one with the Purr Power in the relationship is the one with the “I love you less. Perhaps I’ll tolerate you occasionally!”  attitude.

7 -  Don’t… ever… ask… me… if… I… want… a… dog. Not even a puppy. Get real.

* Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

The Difference Between Cats & Dogs by Molly D. Campbell

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• Fun Facts about Cats!

I feel your pain.  Do you feel mine? I bet you do. Yes, I refer to that niggling noggin splitting pain, that bone gnawing anguish, that teeming existential angst we experience whenever we face The Ugly Truth.

You know what I speak of, for like my humble self, you too are a highly discerning individual. Intellectually aware, artistically appreciative, cultivated, indubitably enlightened to a “T.”

Kindred souls you and I, we folks of gentle nature, we who cringe at double negatives and dangling participles as if they were sidewalk spitting or public urination. (They might as well be, you say!) We, who are dumbstruck by blatant ignorance as if it were a whack to the side of the skull by a cricket bat; we who recoil as garish tattoos and vile body piercings mar the landscape like graffiti violates a beautiful city’s grand architecture. [...]

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the BEST things I learned from my mother…

best |best| superlative of good
adjective
of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality
• most enjoyable: some of the best times of my life.
• most appropriate, advantageous, or well advised

“If you don’t know the meaning of a word, look it up in the dictionary,” she insisted.

Once an English Major, always an English Major.  As the Mental Floss T-shirt joke goes, “I’m an English Major. You do the math.”

My mother kept a thick, worn hardcover copy of her college edition Webster’s Dictionary on a little shelf in the corner of the kitchen. [...]

Malibu, Baby!

MAY DAY!   MAY DAY!

After a long winter and a chilly, slow start to spring…

(you may have noticed) it’s finally May.

The spring fever many of us felt in April was merely the flu.

So it’s time to squeeze in a celebration of spring before Memorial Day whacks us like a Wasabi wiener and folks (certainly not me) are complaining about how hot it is.

Is it hot in here or is it just me? [...]

spanx_powerpanty1 (Photo credit: Vince_Lamb)

How is sequestration (THE budget cuts) affecting your favorite TV programs?

1 – THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

#RHOBH is cutting the cast by one member. The vote is in. Adios Adrienne Maloof.

And take your Maloove Hooves with you!  Don’t let the limo door hit you on the way out.

2 – HOMELAND

Only enough chill meds for poor Carrie to take a magic pill every other day. Prescriptions are expensive even when you squeeze them from your sister the shrink. [...]

Ahhh

Obviously, we all want a good night’s sleep...

7 TIPS – WHAT NOT TO DO

1 – Don’t read the New York Post crime blotter as your bedtime reading. The grotesque stories will sneak into your sexy sweet fairy dreams and turn them into a night terror, perhaps a myocardial infarction.

2 – Don’t drink a double espresso, a Red Bull, or more wine than your body weight divided by 2.5.

3 – Don’t sleep with your cell phone unless you are planning to marry it. Make sure it doesn’t want children. [...]

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. — Bob Hope

Joel L. Schwartz, M.D. The Stress Less Shrink

Before you look down your nose on a clown nose…

It’s important to realize that therapeutic humor is a valuable tool to help others.

Think of those who battle cancer and chronic illness, nurse patients with spinal cord injuries and traumatic brain injury, comfort the dying, care for a parent with Alzheimer’s, cope with the death of a son in a car accident, deal with the legacy of alcoholic parents, struggle with the aftermath of rape, miscarriages, teenage suicide.  ARRGH!   Unfortunately, “Pain and Suffering” is a reality show playing in all of our neighborhoods.

Hard to believe, but I’m told some people stress out over a lost earring (not me!) or a missed plane (never!) or (God forbid!) a lousy internet connection. (Can you hear me? Is this working?)

Classic book by Allen Klein

YOU too can experience the transformative power of humor.

AATH is The Association for Applied & Therapeutic Humor – It is THE home for humor and laughter professionals. Please check them out!

I support AATH – YOU can, too!

AATH

This clown car runs on LOVE & LAUGHTER!

Joel L. Schwartz, M.D. The Stress Less Shrink

Allen Klein Mr. Jollytologist

Judy Carter Motivational & Health Speaker

Funny new book by popular columnist Tracy Beckerman!  Lost In Suburbia: A Momoir  How I got Pregnant, Lost Myself, and got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs

Tracy gave us an exclusive… an interview with her fetching puppy Monty.

Monty

“The Scoop” with Monty B.

Monty, you’re even cuter than Tracy’s cell phone pics and Facebook videos. How do you maintain your playful, perky, puppy style? How old are you?

I turned 7 months old on March 26.  I maintain my youthful glow through a combination of diet (puppy chow and chewing on smelly sneakers) and exercise (I like to grab socks from the laundry basket and then Tracy chases me through the house to get them back).

What’s it like to sleep at Tracy’s feet while she writes her popular syndicated humor column Lost In Suburbia? Are you her real inspiration?

As a puppy, I have a lot of energy. So I find it hard to just sleep at her feet when she is writing. Instead, I’m inclined to jump up and pound the keys with my paws. This makes her column look like this:

afjkasdkfjweoi tjkrvms,d mas,c.kasjfakjfoipewj!!

For some reason, Tracy seems to find this very annoying.  However, I’ve read her column, and i think this is an improvement. Just kidding.  That’s a little retriever humor.

I do like the columns about me, though.  Except the ones where she says I’m not housebroken. It’s a lie.  Mostly.  Her kids are definitely housebroken, though.  Show offs.

What makes Tracy cool?

I think, is that she is a great mom, but she refuses to dress like a mom, drive a mommobile, or just talk about mom things.  I understand that she really struggled for a lot of years with her identity when she quit her job to stay home with her kids and ultimately, she felt like she needed to reinvent herself.  I’m pretty sure that’s what the new book is about, but I chewed it up before I had a chance to read it, so who knows.

Since Tracy’s fabulous and hilarious momoir Lost In Suburbia is about her life before you arrived on the scene, you’re not in the book. How do you feel about that?

Meh.  If W. Bruce Cameron had adopted me, there would be six books about me by now.

Is Tracy funny at home?  Hard to say. We find different things funny.  She thinks her kids are funny, and the suburbs, and driving in her bathrobe.  I like a good dead cat joke now and then. But I can tell you there is always a lot of laughter in our house.  The stuff that ends up in Tracy’s column and in her book starts in our home.  It always happens EXACTLY the way she writes about it.  OK, maybe not exactly, but close enough.  At least that’s what they tell me. But what do I know? I’m just a dog.

• To Order LOST IN SUBURBIA – Click on a Link Below

  

Hilarious!

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Tired of football, basketball, hockey, golf, and especially LaCrosse?

Competitive laughing is now a sport. No kidding! [...]

What does “Raging Gracefully” mean to me?

Oh, did you say “Aging Gracefully?”

Raging, ranting, bitching, and moaning ages you faster than a triple digit birthday or an I.R.S. audit.

Cultivating and maintaining A SENSE OF HUMOR is your only saving grace.

You age gracefully when you can LAUGH at the various insults and injuries that may come your way. [...]