Tag Archives: wine

Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams ūüôā

Books on Amazon

 

Wine: Ruminations from the Bottom of a Glass of Rose¬ī

3 Jun

Wine On!

Introspection does not come easy to some.

Since ancient times, women (especially) turn to vino while searching for deep thoughts.

After all, research has shown that drinking red wine helps you think. Trust me Рsomething about increased blood flow to the brain.

So surely, the blush of resveratrol in Rose¬īwine aids in ruminating on life’s great issues.

 

Barb Best Humor

Wine: Ruminations from the Bottom of a Glass of Rose¬ī

  • Unfortunately, joining a meal kit delivery service will not solve all of my time management problems.¬† Seems it takes a good deal of time to cook a real meal.

 

  • I am both the travel agent and tour guide on my children’s guilt trips. Where’s my commission? My tip?

[…]

LUCKY is Relative: Why YOU are Having a Good Week!

29 Jan

LUCKY?

YOU?

Yup.

Here’s why you are lucky this week:

 

* You haven’t been sucked into an MRI machine.

LUCKY

 

Man Dies After Being Sucked Into An MRI Machine via @IFLScience:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-an-mri-machine¬† […]

A Bucket List for the Burned-Out

17 Mar

 

Feeling weary? Tired? Burned-Out?

If you don’t have a case of Vitameatavegamin or Red Bull handy to give you an energy boost, try revising your bucket list DOWN. This will likely reduce that intense pressure and fatigue that you feel.

iStock_000018134301Small

Feeling listless? Here’s a list!

A Bucket List for the Burned-Out

  • Savor success by facing your fears head on. Yes! Clean out that crazy ass kitchen drawer – you know the one.

 

  • Empower yourself. Learn to set the digital clock on the car – before it’s time to fall back and spring forward again.

 

  • Empty the crumb tray in the toaster. Should be done once in your lifetime.

[…]

I’ve Got Balls Yes I Do

12 Jun

 

Why, yes, I’ve got balls. Do you have balls?

Life can be tough. We all need them.

May I recommend?

Balls to relax us when we are stressed… which for some of us is much of the time.

BarbBestI'veGotBallsHumor

Balls for a gratitude squeeze. “Life Is Good” Think of it as a hand hug. […]

Measure the Pleasure Not the Pain

29 May

 

Why not measure the pleasure instead of the pain?

We have fitness trackers to measure every step we slog and every nano-second of sweaty exercise…

the Fitbit Surge, the Jawbone Up3, the Garmin Vivosmart, and the Apple Watch.

Why not measure the pleasure, too?

Let’s count the time spent having FUN!

Whatever makes you happy

BarbBestMeasurethepleasure

For example:

– 5 minutes singing in the shower

– 45 minutes playing card games with my kids

– 30 minutes baking chocolate chip cookies

– 2 hours watching trash TV […]

Pet Peeves and the Curmudgeonly Spirit

10 Sep

Curmudgeons are in a perpetual state of annoyance.

They cultivate their pet peeves wholeheartedly.

With art and age comes a greater license to voice such pained sentiments.

If you can kvetch in a funny way – it is a blessing to all.

In the spirit of the book by Joan Rivers I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me

And with tongue in cheek

My PET PEEVES… Stuff I Hate!

Stemless wine glasses   (They look like cheap jelly jars for preschoolers)

Lengthy Minimalist newsletters¬†¬† (Duh) […]

7 Great Ideas That Will Change the World?

7 Aug

 

Everyone wants to change the world.

Great Ideas that will Change the World

(well, maybe just mine or yours )

1. Move to the beach; adopt casual coastal philosophy toward life (and flooring).

 

2. Convert the boring automatic dishwasher in the (duh) kitchen to a wine cooler. Cheers! […]

This Is Your Brain On The Holidays

6 Dec

 

The holidays can be overwhelming… we are bombarded with too much of a good thing: work, play, kids, relatives, parties, wine, chocolate, candy, shopping, cloying music, fattening food, holiday spirits – and that’s just online.

Your truculent toddler isn’t the only one who needs a quiet time out in a dark corner! Your brain needs a time out, too.

 

“Easy as pie… did someone say PIE?”

 

Pity your poor besieged brain cells. Why not pamper them with a mini-meditation break?

Think of MEDITATION as a well-deserved respite for you and your 50 shades of gray matter – only you don’t have to lock yourself in the bathroom with a jug of cheap chardonnay. […]

A Public Service Announcement*

16 Aug

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The following is a public service announcement*

#######

It happens.¬† You know you‚Äôve had too much to drink if…

  1. You’re tweeting celebrities who have notorious anger management issues.
  2. You put your bra on backwards.
  3. You go on an online shopping spree, but don’t enjoy it.
  4. You click on the TV remote to answer your cell phone.
  5. You propose to the cat.
  6. You mistake the coat closet for the bathroom.
  7. You’re considering hiring a pain coach – for your family members.

* Not really.  Just kidding.

Happy Hour ain’t always so happy, but it can be funny.

Carrie Fisher in “Wishful Drinking” – Hilarious!¬† http://youtu.be/9JdRV3kEl1I

 

CLOWN sensitivity training-intended to sensitize people to their attitudes and behaviors that may unwittingly cause offense to others

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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