Tag Archives: vacation

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

21 Jul

SUBJECT: Playing Hooky  Goofing Off  Planned Absences

TO:  Kyle Flicker

General Manager

Misery Productions

Los Angeles, CA

Dear Boss: Planned Absences

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Flicker,

I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.

  • My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.

 

  • I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.

[…]

Fun? Are You FUN? A QUIZ

26 May

 

Are you any FUN?

FUNBarbBestHumor

Or are you too busy? Do you forget to be playful?

Gee, quizzes are really fun, don’t ya think?

This one’s for you.

True or False?

  • I do not whistle while I work. I do not whistle while I play. Heck, not even when I shower.

 

  • I enjoy shopping for athletic socks, Q-Tips, and emergency kits. Whoopee!

 

  • My dog won’t play with me. Apparently the snooty cat is more fun.

 

  • Sadly, I do not own a set of marshmallow roasting forks, let alone use them on a regular basis.

 

  • The only party I’ll go to is a pity party. And, yes I’ll cry if I want to.

 

  • My idea of a vacation is four days at the hospital for elective gall bladder surgery.

[…]

A Message From Your CAT

28 Mar

 

This is a message (heh, a threat you say?) from me, your imperious cat.

CATastrophe

Planning on leaving me (your cherished feline pet) at home while you go on a business trip or (how dare you) a fancy vacation is a provocation at best, and, at worst, an act of war.

Vacation? A Message from Your Cat

    Do I look pleased?

 

May I remind you… Actions have consequences!

My expectations are simple

[…]

Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat

21 Aug

 

This is a message (heh, a threat you say?) from me, your imperious cat.

CATastrophe

Planning on leaving me (your cherished feline pet) at home while you go on a business trip or (how dare you) a fancy vacation is a provocation at best, and, at worst, an act of war.

 

Vacation? A Message from Your Cat

    Do I look pleased?

 

May I remind you… Actions have consequences! […]