Tag Archives: social distancing

Social Distancing: The Howard Hughes Guide

5 Sep

Social Distancing Pointers from Howard Hughes

Having trouble social distancing

being stuck at home

how ’bout

taking some grooming tips from

the eccentric, reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes –

you will not only be successfully distanced…

people will stay clear away from you!

 

social distancing guide howard hughes

Image Wikimedia Commons

 

DO IT LIKE HOWARD!

  • Wash your hands 15 times a day – so what if you’re wearing gloves? You don’t need a pandemic to be Mr. Clean.

 

  • Wear Kleenex box hats. Nothing like protective headgear to make you feel safe and sound. And much more stylish than a tin foil cap.

 

  • Only bed busty actresses and only have sex with them once, then gorge yourself for months on their housekeeper’s baked goods – while they fantasize about marrying you and helping you handle your filthy millions.

 

Social Distancing Howard Hughes

Image Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Grow foot-long, curly fingernails that put Elvira to shame.

 

  • Don’t trim – or comb – your beard for a decade.

 

All in jest.

Books

Read these fantastic biographies of the genius Howard Hughes

Movies

ICYMI… here is a great movie about Howard Hughes

The Aviator (2004) Official Trailer #1 – Leonardo DiCaprio

 

 

 

Immunity: 7 Ways to Boost Your Immunity Right Now!

7 Aug

Immunity: 7 Ways to Boost Your Immunity Right Now!

Boost Your Immunity

What to do when there’s a health crisis of biblical proportions?

Beef up your defenses. Build your resistance. Bolster your gut health.

There’s no better time than a global pandemic to boost your immunity!

BTW it’s also a dandy time to write your will and ditch your boring diet.

 

Immunity Boosters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Predatory invaders – whether they be Covid-19, flesh-eating bacteria, or the good ole stand-by chicken pox – want your body.

 

Hacks from Quacks

You can UP your immunity by employing a strategy involving medicinal (barf) food, habits of hardship and dubious herbal supplements.

 

Immunity Boosters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUN Health Advice

  • Practice safe socializing! Wrap yourself in layers of bubble wrap before interacting with any live humans. This prophylactic will protect you and them. God knows you have enough packing materials from the Amazon Prime buying binges you’ve been on.

 

  • Nothing says social distancing like garlic and onions on your breath, in your hair, seeping out of the pores of your sallow skin. Load up on the bitter bulbs and people will keep their distance.

 

  • Don’t forget. A spoonful of sugar helps the foul smelling kimchi and fetid apple cider vinegar go down. And by “spoonful” I mean “cup.”

 

  • Warning. Expensive immunity-boosting supplements may leave a hole in your wallet and your Sigmoid Colon.

 

  • Intermittent fasting will build your tolerance for suffering and deprivation. Germs respect that. So suck it up.

 

  • Splurge on scads of Vitamin A, B, C and D. Now I know my ABC’s…

 

 

  • Walk around holding an umbrella 24-7. This will catch any viral droplets hanging over your head.

 

  • Bonus! Tend to your mental health. If necessary, paint the interior of your home a soothing Aqua and pretend you live in a spa by the sea.  Namaste.

 

Oh Health: A Pop Quiz

 

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

 

Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams 🙂

Books on Amazon