In Scrabble, the letter “F” merits a respectable four points. There are only two “F” tiles in the game set, which makes the number of words you can form with the letter “F” relatively limited.

In the real world, the “F” word is everywhere.

In the evolution of the English language, when did “Oh, darn!” become “Oh, Fu#!” What happened to “friggin?” When did “fudge” deteriorate into “Fu#!”?

When did “take the F train” become “take the ‘Fu#!-ing’ train?”

When did dropping the F-bomb so casually become the status quo?

“F” used to convey a meaning of failure. A rude, red “F” on a spelling quiz or a math exam would elicit disappointment, or at the least – some extra homework. Now, “F” means “Fantastic! Fabulous! Good effort! You’re gifted.“

Thank you, Adam Mansbach for your mega bestseller, “Go The F**k To Sleep.”

I’m writing a new book entitled “Stop hurling the “F” word every five seconds because you’re coarsening the language and culture. Plus it’s lazy and boring!”

At some point, talking like a truck driver became cooler than driving a truck. But like carbon emissions, sulfur dioxide, and lead, “F” contributes to air pollution.

We expect a liberal use of the “F” word from sailors, soldiers, pimps, graffiti artists, New Jersey housewives, Vice Presidents, and F-list stand-up comics, but not from role models or mommy bloggers.

Overheard at the dinner table:

Ten year old daughter: “Mommy uses the “F” word on her blog!”

Hubs (to Mom): “You do?”

Mom: “No, of course not. Well, sometimes, but -”

Daughter: “You shouldn’t say ‘butt’ either.”

Mom: “Sweetheart, I’m a writer. I have poetic license.”

Daughter: “I saw the “F” word twice on your last post.”

Hubs: “Great. I hope my parents don’t read your blog.”

Daughter: “And she says it on Twitter ALL the time!”

Hubs: “Geez…”

Mom: “Well, you know, everyone else does it…”

Daughter: “In CAPS. On Twitter. That’s like yelling it.”

Mom: “It’s for dramatic effect. I’m using the vernacular. Look it up, honey.”

Daughter: “In the dictionary?”

Mom: “Just Google it. V-E-R-”

Daughter: “Never mind, Mommy. Fu#!” it!”

*****

What do you think?

I Feel Your Pain

10 Jul

July is National Boredom Month, and so I celebrate boredom. Come on, cultivate your ennui.

And may the force be with you.

Arrrgh!





If you are feeling bored lately, here are 7 HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS to shake ya outta that weary funk:

1. READ A BOOK. WTF why not – How ’bout a clever book about boredom?

ANATOMY OF BOREDOM – Boredom: A Lively History by Peter Toohey (via BrainPickings!)

2. PLAY OLD SCHOOL SCRABBLE – or a “bored game” of your choice – ‘TIL YOUR EYES BLEED or ‘TIL NOBODY IN YOUR FAMILY IS SPEAKING TO YOU.

3. Catch up with the 21st century. Go electronic with Scrabble Flash.

4. DRINK, preferably with friends (FB friends don’t count) and when in a jolly mood. Wine away.

5. Join a club. Hmmm, here’s one!

7. HIT the “celebrity news.” Reading about how bored senseless Paris Hilton and/or Lindsay Lohan are – with all their money, glam, beauty, youth, personal assistants, movie star friends, toys, talents, trainers, and resources – will help you focus on your own blessings…

like “Thank God, I can’t afford a cocaine habit,” or “Good thing I don’t have to worry about totaling my Porsche Carrera 997 S,” or “Darn, I don’t have anything to wear to my court appearance today.”

I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Categories Books & Writing, Cats, Humor, Pop Culture
Author Barb Best

The Scarlet Letter

20 Feb

19 Feb