Tag Archives: My Funny Valentine

7 Valentine’s Day Excuses for Underachievers

10 Feb

 

Does Valentine’s Day bring out the underachiever in you?

Join the crowd.

Valentine's Day Humor

Don’t sweat it.

7 Foolproof EXCUSES you can use!

  • I’m still in recovery from the Christmas and New Year’s holiday hoopla. Why can’t Valentine’s Day be in August?

 

  • My dog ate the 15-page love poem I wrote you. He’s jealous because you’re so wonderful.

[…]

Be My FUNNY Valentine, will ya?

6 Feb

 

Be my funny Valentine, will ya, pull-ease?

Remember… Women crave men who have a BIG… sense of humor.

Funny is sexy!

+++

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself! […]

Sweet Talk

12 Feb

Gotta love romance in advertising.  Sweet talk seduces us.

This sharp little Mini Cooper S Convertible is officially Champagne colored.

Sweet TalkTopless!

However accurate they may be, the words “Beige,” “Fungus,” and “Urine” don’t seem to have the same attraction as “Champagne.”

I hope the paint doesn’t have a lot of bubbles in it.

I’ll bet it’s really easy to get a DUI in this  car.

Cruising topless in your champagne colored car = joy ride.

“Passion” perfume.

Credit: Californiaperfumes.com

Names like “Bonking,” “Boffing,” or “Horny” don’t hold the same power or charm as “Passion,” do they?

“Kiss.”

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Obviously, “Kiss” says it better than “peck,” “canoodle,” or “buss.”

Wikimedia CommonsHershey

Hershey “Pecks?” “Smooches?” “Osculations?” No thank you.

Paris Hilton “Tease.”

Credit: Cupidspulse.com

“Tease” says it better than “Shallow,” “Ditzy,” or “Silly Billy.”  Smells like… money!

“My Funny Valentine” available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

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What Women Want

6 Feb

 

Guns aren’t nice, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                              WHAT THE HELL DO WOMEN WANT ANYWAY?

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

I’ll tell you!

 

 

 

 

 

Kill the black widow spider

 

 

Smash the horse fly

 

 

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

 

 

Slice the venom-spitting snake.

 

 

 

 

 

Pulverize the prowler

 

 

In one Superman swoop,

 

 

No spurting blood

 

 

No cracking bones

 

 

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

 

 

No messes, but do it now.

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

I’ll tell you!

 

 

Purr like a kitten, tiger

 

 

Dance the Howdy Doody

 

 

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

 

 

Shower me with mortal sins.

 

 

 

 

 

Sail me love letters

 

 

In my alphabet soup

 

 

Stir it hard,

 

 

Use your imagination,

 

 

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

 

 

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

Most of all?

 

 

At least try to enthrall,

 

 

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

 

 

 

 

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

 

 

©2013, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

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