Tag Archives: Mothers

Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want

12 May

With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.

English: Mother's Day card

English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

[…]

Chicken Soup for The Comic Soul

3 Jul

 

Melissa Rivers has written a funny book about her mother Joan RiversThe Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation.

She shares what it was like to grow up in the Rosenberg home and presents an amusing and endearing portrait of her mother and her father.

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Melissa mentions that included in the reading material Joan had on her nightstand was “the audio version of Chicken Soup for the Soul

I found this tidbit revealing.

Chicken soup for the comic soul.

We all need nourishment.

Looking for a good book?

You’ll enjoy The Book of Joan and Chicken Soup for the Soulall 250 + titles!

 

 

Dear FOOD NETWORK

25 Apr

 

Dear Food Network
Dear Food Network,
Thank you for teaching my kids how to cook fancy schmancy.

The vast culinary knowledge they have acquired lounging in front of the TV and laptop (love your website) has raised the chow bar to quite a sophisticated level.

Unfortunately, they leave 99% of the actual cooking to moi.

 

Dear Food Network

Cook Like A Star!

 

I can no longer pawn turkey hot dogs, tuna sandwiches, or cans of noodle soup off as a meal. […]

Words With Moms

6 May

 

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged...

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

One of the BEST things I learned from my mother…

best |best| superlative of good
adjective
of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality
• most enjoyable: some of the best times of my life.
• most appropriate, advantageous, or well advised

“If you don’t know the meaning of a word, look it up in the dictionary,” she insisted.

Once an English Major, always an English Major.  As the Mental Floss T-shirt joke goes, “I’m an English Major. You do the math.”

My mother kept a thick, worn hardcover copy of her college edition Webster’s Dictionary on a little shelf in the corner of the kitchen. […]

20 Tips From My Teen

21 Aug

Tina Fey‘s 5 year old daughter Alice says crazy funny things all the time. She’s constantly cracking Tina up. How cute!

Did I say… she’s five?

As daughters become older, they become increasingly brutal entertaining and wise – especially with their advice.

parenting

 

Tips From My Teen

  •   Lose the Carol Brady haircut.
  •   Nothing dates you more than saying “groovy.”
  •   Don’t chat with the grocery store cashier like she’s a long lost BFF.
  •   Don’t pay for HBO. Watch TV on your computer for free.
  •   Chill.
  •   Ordering hummus in a restaurant is wrong on many levels.
  •   No matter how whimsical you feel, leave the glitter eye shadow to Disney Pop Stars.
  •   Don’t respond to a text message right away – it looks desperate.
  •   “The Beatles” is a lousy name for a band. Get over it.
  •   Too much make-up on 5 year olds and 50 year olds is equally as scary.
  •   Chill.
  •   If you slept with JFK or Warren Beatty, I DON’T want to hear about it. I don’t even know who Warren Beatty is.
  •   Baggy pants make you look like OMG you’re wearing a diaper.
  •   Don’t panic if you can’t understand WTF your laptop is doing.
  •   Study a texting dictionary (online) of acronyms so you understand the “newfangled” lingo.
  •   Coddling the cat/dog like he’s a human child strikes many as needy.
  •   Stop with the Viva Viagra jokes. It’s LOL pathetic.
  •   Anyone seriously considering an eyebrow transplant is much older than they think they are.
  •   Sudoku is no substitute for a real hobby like windsurfing or limbo skating.
  •   Chill.

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Top 10 Funny Mom Flicks

21 Apr

Freaky Friday

Jamie Lee Curtis – she’s the mother, she’s the daughter, she’s the mother in the daughter’s body, she’s the daughter in the mother’s body?  Whatever!  Gosh, role reversal comedies are confusing!

She jams at The House of Blues with your garage band, tells your creepy English teacher to take a hike, hops on a Harley for a love ride with the dreamy boy you’re bonkers about and smooches him good – even if it is with her lips, not yours!

Mean Girls

Amy Poehler is alpha Plastic Regina George’s “cool mom” in Tina Fey’s screenplay.

What kind of mother flaunts her breast implants, talks trash with your gal friends and offers you an afternoon cocktail?

Hey, don’t judge – it keeps her feeling young!

Hairspray

As Edna Turnblad, John Travolta is so sweet he/she oozes Cool Whip from every plus-size pore.

Apparently it takes a man to play a woman who sews, irons and love’s her blimp size body just the way it is.

Not only is she fun to go bra shopping with, but (man) can she sing and dance like nobody’s business!


Serial Mom

Even though Beverly R. Sutphin is a homicidal maniac, she has some good points.

She recycles religiously.

She defends her screwy son at a parent teacher conference by running the poor teacher over in the school parking lot with the family station wagon.

Best of all, she makes hilarious obscene phone calls to uptight neighbor ladies.

                                                                                                       “Ouch! I tore something!”

Mamma Mia

In spite of those hideous overalls she sports, Donna has a great gig in a Greek paradise and gives a decent mani-pedi.

Sure, she “works all day, works all night” but somehow still finds time to party and perform with her fun gal pals in a retro singing group.

Isn’t my jacket a hoot?

This is My Life

Mom is so clever she wears a mean polka dot and does stand up comedy.

She’s usually off in L.A. working clubs and sleeping with her agent but she leaves you in a spacious Manhattan apartment with struggling comics (a stable bunch) as your babysitters. Bless her, she tells you to brush your teeth only when you feel like it.

 

Baby Mama

“Tina Fey is such a meanie.”

What other forty year old woman can wear pigtails and still look – dare I say – cute? Amy Poehler scores again.

                            I feel like singin’

The Brady Bunch – The Movie

What’s not to love about Shelly Long?

Her Carol Brady hairdo is the best thing since Woody Woodpecker’s carmine cowlick (eat your heart out Conan O’Brien.)

She’s so square, so sixties, so insipid – she’s sexy!

 

Got a sweet tooth?

Waitress

Pie anyone? Pregnant Keri Russell talks and writes to her baby and makes a dang tasty pie, a new one every day.

Pies with names like: Fallin’ In Love Chocolate Mousse Pie, Bad Baby Pie,

Kick In The Pants Pie, Marshmallow Mermaid Pie and Naughty Pumpkin Pie.

Juno

“Teenage pregnancy is no joke, but I’m like darn amusing.”

Last but not least, an odd choice you say!  Sure, Juno’s fifteen going on fifty-five, smokes a pipe, plays acoustic guitar poorly, chats on a hamburger phone and cracks wise and tacky like a smart ass comic – but you say that as if it’s a bad thing.

Why didn’t anybody tell her not to wear horizontal stripes when she’s eighty-five pounds pregnant?

At least she has enough horse sense to realize she doesn’t quite have the right stuff (yet) to be a mommy. Oh, well – there’s a really nice lady who needs a baby.

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