Barb Best

WHY MY PURSE WEIGHS 50 FRIGGIN’ POUNDS

After all, isn’t a purse just an enabler for mobile hoarders?

I suppose my purse/bag would be lighter if these items were not in it?

• Multiple lipsticks, concealers,  mascara, a tiny make-up guy.

• A Six-Pack of emergency water bottles – an absolute necessity for survival if stuck in traffic during a heatwave during a SIG alert during an earthquake during a heart attack during a hurricane during a nuclear attack during a tsunami during a…

[…]

I hate alarm clocks, even the cute one on my iPhone.

They are about as comforting as jackhammers and leg cramps – and almost as jarring as a bugle blast in the face.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Must greeting the new day become a cortisol-pumping emergency? […]

Meditate or Medicate?

OM…

Did I set my iPhone alarm for this session?

OM…

Who knew breathing could be so complicated?

OM…

Paul McCartney can come to my party anytime.

OM…

I bet my cat would enjoy a loofah massage sometime. […]

No kidding. 25 Reasons I Can’t Breathe! 

Photo Credit:SR

OOPS! I’m Not Breathing.

Why Not? You May Ask…

I forgot

My damn bra is too tight

I need an APP for that

Too much in love

Screw it, it’s a Snow Day

No Post-It note that says “breathe!”

Scared to death, no iPhone reception […]

Curmudgeons are in a perpetual state of annoyance.

They cultivate their pet peeves wholeheartedly.

With art and age comes a greater license to voice such pained sentiments.

If you can kvetch in a funny way – it is a blessing to all.

In the spirit of the book by Joan Rivers I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me

And with tongue in cheek

My PET PEEVES… Stuff I Hate!

Stemless wine glasses   (They look like cheap jelly jars for preschoolers)

Lengthy Minimalist newsletters   (Duh) […]

Scribbled on an iPhone “Notes” APP near you…

• If a stranger tells you, “I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy!” three times in the course of a ten minute conversation in a doctor’s waiting room… take them at their word.  Run for the hills.

• Overheard at the veterinarian’s office: “Coyotes are cute. I want to hug them all.” Good luck with that…

[…]

Damn, I’m tired!  Are you, too?

Are YOU getting enough sleep? What keeps YOU up at night?

25 MORE Reasons I Can’t Sleep!

1) Dog needs to pee.

2) I need to pee… again.

3) The cat suffers from restless leg syndrome and is kicking me in the private parts.

4) Celebrity baby names […]

OMG! My iPhone died.

I think I need a grief counselor.

– No battery power. No cord. No electrical outlet. No way to connect. […]

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the BEST things I learned from my mother…

best |best| superlative of good
adjective
of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality
• most enjoyable: some of the best times of my life.
• most appropriate, advantageous, or well advised

“If you don’t know the meaning of a word, look it up in the dictionary,” she insisted.

Once an English Major, always an English Major.  As the Mental Floss T-shirt joke goes, “I’m an English Major. You do the math.”

My mother kept a thick, worn hardcover copy of her college edition Webster’s Dictionary on a little shelf in the corner of the kitchen. […]