Barb Best

Parents Offer Advice: Naughty & Nice

Parents! What are you teaching your children?

As the holidays ding-a-ling-ling and ho-ho-ho themselves

into our hearts and psyches…

let’s take a moment to reflect 🙂

Random Advice from Parents

• If you look at your phone screen 50 hours everyday, you will get eye stroke!

Eye stroke exists…  https://bit.ly/36OPGl9

• Don’t bathe in sequins, glitter or anything shiny that can lodge itself in your nether regions.

Naughty news: Woman bathes in glitter…  https://bit.ly/38UmwD2 

• Robots are not your friend.

Wacky robot hotel admits its bedside cameras could have exposed guests to peeping hackers…

https://bit.ly/35M2V6l

• Don’t gulp your food. Chew it 22 times before swallowing, especially if it’s a chunky smoothie.

• Warning: Don’t run with scissors, X-ACTO knives or chainsaws. If you must run, run away from the wolves.

• Caution: “He/She/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender” who laughs last… and needs the joke explained to “Him/Her/Them/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender“… may be suffering from a concussion. Consult a doctor or Google.

• Among other things, life is a full-time job.  Nice work if you can get it – even if it doesn’t always pay well.

Holiday stress… this, too, shall pass.

Humor Books Available on Amazon

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Holiday Food Binge: Death by Fruitcake

Want to die doing what you love? Eating!

How about binging on the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Fruitcake Binge

Like ukulele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

Happy Holidays

Holidays and stress go together like eggnog and rum, like millennials and artisanal creameries, like politicians and lying.

Deck the halls with boughs and blabber
‘Tis the season to be grumpy,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tis the season to be jumpy,
Ha-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

A new study published in the British Medical Journal claims that your risk of heart attack is greatest on Christmas Eve and the following two days.

An excerpt from The Misery Manifesto,

the month-by-month survival guide…

Available on Amazon

December * Holidays Are A Pain In the Aspirations

You’d like peace and quiet for the holidays. You want to relax. You want to stop and inhale the roses. You’re sadly optimistic on this count. […]

Holidays

The holidays are upon us

Yay! and Ugh!

‘Tis the season to be harried

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

‘Tis the season to be melancholy

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome YET?

[…]

It’s the holidays!

Not only that, it’s Christmas.

In the air is the smell of evergreen, holly, gingerbread cookies, and rising debt.

Here are a few holiday gifts that caught my eye…

• A Full Wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano Cheese: $2499.95 + $100 shipping surcharge

80 pounds of cheese – because you never know when company is coming over. […]

Be my funny Valentine, will ya, pull-ease?

Remember… Women crave men who have a BIG… sense of humor.

Funny is sexy!

+++

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself! […]

Whoosh! Another year has passed like a kidney stone.

Happy New Year!

7 Things I Learned in 2014:

We live. We learn. I feel your pain.

1. If your hair is falling out, go to the doctor.
2. Don’t ink and drive. Put the Post-it notes away!
3. If done wrong, yoga can hurt you more than crocodile wrestling.
4. The holidays can give you a hangover comparable to one from a Jacuzzi full of vodka martinis.
5. Don’t bite down on ice, ginger chews, or errant popcorn kernels unless you crave intimate time with your gabby dentist.
6. The more you do… the more that needs to be done. (Fig Newton’s Law of Momentum)
7. With age comes perks. I personally delight in my cackle*
   *a raucous laugh resembling the cry of a hen or goose.

 New Year’s Tip: Keep Calm & Cackle On!

Related articles

• New Post-it Plus App Makes Brainstorming a Bit More Manageable
• 48 Awesomely Creative Artworks Made Of Post-It Notes
• Post-It Notes Help Feed the Hungry

Wishing You A Harmonious Holiday!

Tune in or tune out…

Just don’t forget to laugh!

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself!

Need a quickie fun gift for YOU (okay… or a loved one) for Valentine’s Day?

How ’bout My Funny Valentine paperback or ebook?

* Less calories than a box of luscious chocolate truffles.

* Funnier than fudge.

* Cheaper than French champagne.

* Stays fresh longer than a bunch of sagging, flaccid grocery store flowers.

* More invigorating than a hot oil massage.

* Perfect for regifting.

* Women love books, dude!

* So many entertaining writers are in it.

* Number #1 (self-love) reason – I’m in it!  “Hilarious bits by Barb Best”

* Amazon reviews are unanimous – My Funny Valentine is a lot of laughs!

“To learn to love, you must laugh.”

To laugh, you can buy this “treasure of a book” at  Amazon

Related articles

• 5 Funny Valentine’s Gifts from Stupid.com
• A Few Valentine’s Day Picture Books from Harper Collins
• Our Changing Meanings of Valentine’s Day
• Valentines Crafts, Kids Valentines Crafts

Life is a teaching moment. Or a learning moment. Whatever. I feel your pain.

Here’s what I learned in 2013:

• Do NOT purchase a dining table on the internet. Not unless you and the family enjoy the novelty of Thanksgiving Dinner picnic-style on the living room floor with the pets.

• “Try yoga. I hear that helps!” is the new “Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.” […]