Tag Archives: gifts

Mother’s Day: What NOT To Give Your Mother

9 May

The Gift of Mother’s Day

Hurrah!

Another “holiday” full of hype, unrealistic expectations, and expense.

Plus loads of gifting pressure.

Because we all know that, whatever she says, gifts are Mom’s love language.

Here are a few tips to assist you in giving well, and perhaps, clinching favorite child status.

Mother's Day Gifts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What NOT To Give Your Mother

  • GRIEF – Don’t get arrested, crash your car, post a sex tape, or kill your brother (it’s her kid!). At least, not today.

[…]

Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want

12 May

With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.

English: Mother's Day card

English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

[…]

The Millennial Wedding Announcement

24 Jan

 

Millenial Wedding Announcement

 

Dear World:

In a bold display of independence, we (not our helicopter parents) are announcing our intention to marry partner and hold a wedding presentation to display our love (and like) for each other.

Where are we registered, you ask?

Why, thank you for inquiring!

We don’t believe in registering for a wedding presentation as we just aren’t into “things.” Like many Millennials, we subscribe to minimalism.

This is mostly because we lack the funds to buy cool stuff (thank you pathetic economy) but also because our heads explode when we see Granny’s living room and her floor-to-ceiling tchotchke collection.

We personally believe that everyone over the age of 40 is a hoarder and in need of a therapeutic intervention.

And so, instead of a cumbersome kitchen appliance or a random piece of cheesy art, perhaps you could buy us a generous gift certificate to Starbucks… that, or a house. We could use a house! (Is that a “thing?”) To be honest, we’re getting tired of living in our parents’ basements. We are incurring hearing damage due to the incessant hovering. […]

Holiday Gifts I Will NOT Recycle

19 Dec

 

It’s the holidays!

Not only that, it’s Christmas.

In the air is the smell of evergreen, holly, gingerbread cookies, and rising debt.

Here are a few holiday gifts that caught my eye…

Holiday Gifts To Not Recycle

80 pounds of cheese – because you never know when company is coming over. […]

Be My FUNNY Valentine, will ya?

6 Feb

 

Be my funny Valentine, will ya, pull-ease?

Remember… Women crave men who have a BIG… sense of humor.

Funny is sexy!

+++

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself! […]

7 Christmas Gifts I DON’T Want

18 Dec

 

What gifts don’t YOU want?

Rubik's Cube Collection

Rubik’s Cube Collection (Photo credit: Scarygami)

 

In the spirit of LESS materialism… Thank you, but please DON’T buy me the following:

*A sexy Santa gift… especially if I’ve been naughty. What’s with the “We wish you a slutty Xmas!” sentiment? Watch out – Frosty the Snowman is so hot and bothered, he may melt.

*An e-card with a slide share of cutesy farm animals singing Christmas carols. Stay out of my inbox! It’s messy enough in there. […]

MORE Holiday Gifts I DON’T Want!

14 Dec

Just wondering… do you know anyone who wants these gifts?

1. COZY PJ’s for 20-SOMETHINGS

 

Perfect for a rockin’ slumber party in their parents’ basement.

They are so cute with those footsies and tails… why, they look like toddlers.

Oh, wait, they kind of are like toddlers.

Oh, well.  Arrested development is so definitely under-rated.

I just want to pinch their cheeks!

You can find these hooded, footed jammies in SkyMall.

 

2.  MAGIC WAND REMOTE

For the man who has everything?  Voila!  Yes, another remote.SkyMallIt’s sheer magic.  Perfect for avid Harry Potter fans, too.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203672747&c=10200

 

3.  “CAT TOILET TRAINING SYSTEM”

“Potty Train Your Cat Faster Than Most People Can Potty Train Their Kids

SkyMall


Hmm, let me think, is the cat smarter than my kids?

This is a pretty glamorous product. I bet it’s the same system used in the movie “Meet The Parents.” And there’s a video, too.

You guessed it. It’s available at SkyMall.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203198583&c=10723

 

4.  Giraffe

What do you get a two year old who already has a puppy or a kitten?

Yes, a giraffe!  “The perfect accessory in a nursery, this eye-catching giraffe is a great addition to any decor!”   Hope you have a ladder handy.  Wonder how much bamboo and rat guts “Spotty” eats for breakfast every day?

I didn’t have to tell you!  SkyMall has it!

 

5.  ELECTRONIC RACKET ZAPPERS SET

Killing insects has never been so much fun!  Zap!

SkyMallTo hell with reincarnation.  Just pretend you’re swinging at a tennis ball. You can keep score with every fly you swat and spider your squash.

Zap! Zap! Zap! Zam!

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102870451&c=10430

I want to thank SkyMall for the bounty of creative and entertaining products! It’s a gift of that keeps giving.

Photo credits: SkyMall catalog.

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