Tag Archives: face masks

Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams ūüôā

Books on Amazon

 

Flying Coach: 7 Sobering Realities of Air Travel

1 Mar

Air travel

Flying coach.

No leg room.

Narrow seats.

Contagions in the air.

You know you love it.

Flying Coach Humor

 

Bring all of your baggage, that is…

except your anxiety, impatience and negativity.

Leave home without them.

###

7 New Realities of Flying

  • Surgical masks shall be worn at all times – their single purpose being to spook the hypochondriac sitting next to you.

 

  • Caution. Traveling with a pet under your seat in the cabin will not satisfy your need for in-flight entertainment. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Ear and nose plugs highly recommended.

 

  • No matter how cute, your emotional support miniature horse is not permitted to give pony rides to toddlers in the aisle. Nothing interferes with the important business of mile-high soft drink and pretzel delivery. Not even a viral video opportunity.

 

  • New FAA rule: All babies qualify as emotional support animals and shall fly for free.

 

  • While slogging through security, there will be no joking! Especially about da bomb you are hiding in your oddly heavy carry-on bag.

 

Flying Coach Travel Tips

 

  • If you are a gentleman of advanced age and your prostate is the size of a giant lemon, please pay for an aisle seat. It’s unseemly for us to interrupt our Netflix binging and get up every fifteen minutes so you can waddle to the restroom. No lemonade for you, sir.

 

  • I don’t know what your travel issue is, but the answer is most likely Benadryl.

 

Air travel is not for sissies. You may as well laugh.