Tag Archives: dog

Love Thy Neighbor Can Be Hard Labor

13 Jan

Love thy neighbor – but NOT their posts on the online Neighbor Chatline

Neighbor Barb Best Humor

 

RECENT POSTS

Noise!

It is like awesome that we have this community chat group to share our feelings. Peace, love and friendship to all.

Imagine my consternation when lounging on my balcony this morning, enjoying the gentle rays of the sun, sipping my artisinal chai tea…

… when an eardrum-piercing racket made my breakfast ritual – let alone any silent prayer and meditation – impossible.

My emotional support chicken was traumatized. This is wrong, as it is my job to be traumatized. […]

My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

12 Sep

My cat has a bucket list.

As a matter of fact, he has nine.

 

Yes! My Cat Has a Bucket List

            You talkin’ to me?

 

He has (begrudgingly) granted me permission to share his first list with you.

 

  • Roll in the dirt with that sassy ginger tabby from across the street who struts by my sliding glass door several times a week.

[…]

Fun? Are You FUN? A QUIZ

26 May

 

Are you any FUN?

FUNBarbBestHumor

Or are you too busy? Do you forget to be playful?

Gee, quizzes are really fun, don’t ya think?

This one’s for you.

True or False?

  • I do not whistle while I work. I do not whistle while I play. Heck, not even when I shower.

 

  • I enjoy shopping for athletic socks, Q-Tips, and emergency kits. Whoopee!

 

  • My dog won’t play with me. Apparently the snooty cat is more fun.

 

  • Sadly, I do not own a set of marshmallow roasting forks, let alone use them on a regular basis.

 

  • The only party I’ll go to is a pity party. And, yes I’ll cry if I want to.

 

  • My idea of a vacation is four days at the hospital for elective gall bladder surgery.

[…]

7 Valentine’s Day Excuses for Underachievers

10 Feb

 

Does Valentine’s Day bring out the underachiever in you?

Join the crowd.

Valentine's Day Humor

Don’t sweat it.

7 Foolproof EXCUSES you can use!

  • I’m still in recovery from the Christmas and New Year’s holiday hoopla. Why can’t Valentine’s Day be in August?

 

  • My dog ate the 15-page love poem I wrote you. He’s jealous because you’re so wonderful.

[…]

The WEIRD News of The Week: True or False?

4 Oct

 

WEIRD 7: The news wasn’t merely horrible this week – it was WEIRD!

Weird News of The Week

 

  • Can you hear me now? In the Bahamas, a woman swimming with the dolphins dropped her cell phone into the ocean, then was amazed when a dolphin retrieved it.

 

  • In Maine, a dog drove a truck into a lake – and didn’t get a DUI.

[…]

Summer Notes To Self: 7 To Ponder

2 Aug

 

 

Scribbled on an iPhone “Notes” APP near you…

 

  • If a stranger tells you, “I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy!” three times in the course of a ten minute conversation in a doctor’s waiting room… take them at their word.  Run for the hills.
  • Overheard at the veterinarian’s office: “Coyotes are cute. I want to hug them all.” Good luck with that…

[…]

Is Your Pet a Party Pooper?

4 Jan

 

Pets… can’t live with them; can’t live without them.

FYI – I am both a dog person and a cat person.

Dogs will swallow anything (you know what I mean).

However, we expect more from cats. They are the mere embodiment of discernment. They control their unbridled enthusiasm. They appreciate understatement. They are refined.  Above all, they are really fussy eaters.

But, no. On the busiest party night of the year, pussy cat has swallowed something festive and is decking the halls with projectile vomit and decorating the hearth with (use your imagination).

Ho. Ho. Ho. Forget that fancy dinner dance with “A” list celebrities. Forget the overpriced, hand sequined killer outfit you bought for this special occasion. Forget the stardust and forgive the feline. We’re off to see the ER vet! […]

Everything I Know About Sex… I Learned From My Cat

24 Oct

 

I was going to pontificate here upon how Justin Bieber is influenced by Nietzsche‘s views of women, but who cares?

EVERYTHING I Know About SEX & ROMANCE I Learned From My CAT…

 

Kenyon Cox, Nude study, 1896, Kenyon Cox was a...

Kenyon Cox, Nude study, 1896, Kenyon Cox was a strong advocate of figurative art. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Stake out your territory and stand firm.
  • A sense of mystery adds to your allure.
  • If it feels good, purr and vibrate.
  • Holding a loved one close and feeling his/her beating heart is romantic as long as your arm/leg/brain hasn’t gone numb.
  • Seafood is not a bad aphrodisiac. […]

A NON-POLITICAL ELECTION YEAR QUIZ

1 Nov

JUST FOR FUN – A QUIZ


  • Ÿ  You love babies…  a) Of course! The more the merrier.  b) Anywhere, but sitting near me on an airplane  c) Only if they are four-legged  d) I prefer them in the womb  e) Sure, they make great props for campaign photo opps
  • Ÿ  Food stamps are…  a) A lifesaver for those in need  b) Handy for buying Life Saver candies and cigarettes  c) Rather tasty  d) Fattening  e) A bonanza for fraud
  • Ÿ  A full-time job is…  a) a colossal pain in the ass  b) Something I kind of miss  c) Fine if it doesn’t interfere with my FaceBook time  d) What the government owes us  e) An essential part of The American Dream in this exceptional country!
  • Ÿ  My retirement fund is…  a)  A victim of chronic abuse  b) Missing In Action  c) What retirement fund?  d) Not enough for my cat to live on for a month  e) Tied to a Golden Parachute
  • Ÿ  An AK-47 is…  a) A legal firearm  b) A lubricant  c) A complicated tax form  d) Something obscene that should be banned from the planet!  e) Standard issue with drivers’ licenses in Texas

 

 🙂 Aren’t you glad the election is over in less than a week?

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Boo! Who’s Your Dog Gonna Be for Halloween?

25 Sep

BarbBestHumor

Ain’t I sassy?

 

Before the charcoal on the Labor Day barbecue grill cools, we are bombarded by… ARRGH!

HALLOWEEN.

Orange and black invade the retail world. Pumpkins, creepy decorations, and a zillion bags of over-priced CANDY block the aisles of every store – including the pet store.

Which brings us to the burning question – who’s your dog gonna be for Halloween?

And when did dogs start wearing Halloween costumes anyway?

Do they even like dressing up? (I thought that was more of a cat thing.)

Will Lucky really feel deprived if he misses out on all the Halloween fun – the sugar high, the gobbling of chocolate bars with wrappers, the neighbor’s bullhorn, the vomiting, being freaked out by the Doberman donning the tutu and fake eyelashes?

Is your dog going “trick or treating?”

Do I need to have special doggie treats on hand?

And how will I explain this canine indulgence to my cat?

What do you think? Please advise 🙂

 

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