Tag Archives: Death

Binge on Holiday Food: Death by Fruitcake

7 Dec

Holiday Food Binge: Death by Fruitcake

Want to die doing what you love? Eating!

How about binging on the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake Binge

Like ukulele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

The Holidays! Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome?

14 Dec

Holidays

The holidays are upon us

Yay! and Ugh!

The Holidays are Here Barb Best

 

‘Tis the season to be harried

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

‘Tis the season to be melancholy

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Holiday Humor Barb Best

 

Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome YET?

[…]

Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake

Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

Are You Old? 12 SIGNS “Death” is Near!

4 Apr

“… in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” – Benjamin Franklin 1789

Cheers!

Cheers!


12 SIGNS “DEATH” IS NEAR

1. Loss of appetite. Your insane food cravings for salt and sweets no longer compel you to stick up a gas station or shoplift Snickers bars at a 7-11.  “The Hunger Games” is merely a kids’ flick you wouldn’t watch for all the cat food money in the free world.

2. Gravity has won. You have more wrinkles on your neck and chin than the average pug. […]

Pet Peeves and the Curmudgeonly Spirit

10 Sep

Curmudgeons are in a perpetual state of annoyance.

They cultivate their pet peeves wholeheartedly.

With art and age comes a greater license to voice such pained sentiments.

If you can kvetch in a funny way – it is a blessing to all.

In the spirit of the book by Joan Rivers I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me

And with tongue in cheek

My PET PEEVES… Stuff I Hate!

Stemless wine glasses   (They look like cheap jelly jars for preschoolers)

Lengthy Minimalist newsletters   (Duh) […]

Funny Videos: Dumb & Dumber Ways To Die

30 Jul

BarbBestBeachSign

At the beach. Got to love these award-winning FUNNY videos, though!  Can you say “viral?” […]

Weekend Funny 5 More Signs Death Is Near

28 Sep

5 More Signs “Death” Is Near!

1.  Location. Location. Location. You are reclining in a cozy donut pool float, gloriously buzzed on Jamaican rum cocktails, drifting in the balmy blue Caribbean… but a hungry shark has a hankering for your pricey, dutifully applied 70 SPF face lotion.

2.  Politics. You’ve stopped screaming like a banshee at the election year coverage on the cable news channels.

3.  Loss of thirst for your favorite wine, Chateau St. Jean French Chardonnay. Say it ain’t so.

4.  Sex. You no longer consider vaginal rejuvenation a viable option.

5.  Money. Compulsive couponing has lost its charm. You really can’t take that extra 15 cents with you? Damn.

7 Signs Death Is Near

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

7 Signs Death Is Near

13 Aug

“… in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” – Benjamin Franklin, 1789

7 SIGNS

1. Loss of appetite. Your insane food cravings for salt and sweets no longer compel you to stick up a gas station or shoplift Snickers bars at a 7-11.  “The Hunger Games” is merely a movie you wouldn’t watch for all the cat food money in the free world.

2. Gravity has won. You have more wrinkles on your neck and chin than the average pug.

3. Sex. Your orgasms “don’t bring home the Gold.” You know what I mean.

4. You don’t LOL when you watch “Portlandia.” You don’t know what “Portlandia” is. You don’t know what LOL is.

5. You stalk babies in the grocery store and insist upon conversing S-L-O-W-L-Y with them while the poor mother – who’s typically had five decent hours of sleep in the past fifteen months – is passing out from politeness.

6.  Changes in Urination.   You constantly have to – or are – peeing. This could merely be due to menopause or to post childbearing bladder stretch syndrome, as evidenced in the family car trip “The Griswolds Got Nothin’ On Us” by Dawn Weber at Lighten Up!

7. You forget to breathe. Like all the darn time. Especially when you’re fussing a blue streak ’cause your panties are in a twist… which is unfortunately most of the time. Less hot air anyway.

Bonus. Social Media Withdrawal. You no longer share those important life events with the online world, such as “Had a yummy dish of tapioca pudding today” and “Went shell collecting with Geezer” and “I saw a puppy today. Don’t you love puppies?”  Your last tweet is “Helgrghhrrrposht!”  Your last Facebook post is prophetic, “That’s odd. My fingers and toes are berry blue and ice cold to the touch. Maybe I should google that…”

I’m just dyin’ to hear… ho,ho… how will YOU know… death is near?

No octogenarians or curmudgeons were harmed in the writing of this post.

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I Feel Your Pain

12 Jun

When it comes to pain, death has to be way up there on the list.

Before you “check out” for good, check out this funny and touching collection of essays, EXIT LAUGHING: How Humor Takes the Sting Out of Death.

This remarkable anthology is edited by novelist Victoria Zackheim. I met Victoria last week at the Book Expo of America.  Her impressive bio is here.

The stories are profoundly life and laughter affirming.  Exit Laughing is available on Amazon. Enjoy!

 

Amazon Customer Review

5.0 out of 5 stars Laughing All The Way,June 11, 2012
This review is from: Exit Laughing: How Humor Takes the Sting Out of Death (Io) (Paperback)

Exit Laughing is a fascinating anthology. It lovingly takes on the subject of death with grace, courage, and (thank God!) humor. It’s this celebration of laughter, even in dying and death, that makes the book so remarkable. The essays are poignant, funny, and memorable. They demonstrate the life-affirming power of humor. A great collection edited by Victoria Zackheim.

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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