Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off
21 Jul
SUBJECT: Playing Hooky Goofing Off Planned Absences
TO: Kyle Flicker
General Manager
Misery Productions
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Mr. Flicker,
I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.
- My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.
- I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.
