29 Jan
* You haven’t been sucked into an MRI machine.
Man Dies After Being Sucked Into An MRI Machine via @IFLScience:
http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-an-mri-machine […]
10 Jun
An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto
In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.
In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.
However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”
According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)
“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”
Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”
June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.
14 Apr
Whoopee.
It has stopped snowing.
Whoopee.
The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]
1 Jul
Credit: iStock
14 Aug
A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment.
And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet 🙂
1. Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board
2. Sunburn on private parts
3. Younger, slimmer, and obviously wealthier women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings
4. Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones
5. People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb […]
20 Jun
Granted, most of the world has winter.
Paris has April.
New York has spring.
Not Los Angeles.
7 Aug
Everyone wants to change the world.
1. Move to the beach; adopt casual coastal philosophy toward life (and flooring).
2. Convert the boring automatic dishwasher in the (duh) kitchen to a wine cooler. Cheers! […]
29 May
Fun in the sun isn’t always fun. A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment. And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet 🙂
My 15 summer bummers… What are yours?
1. Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board
2. Sunburn on private parts
3. Younger, slimmer, and obviously richer women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings
4. Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones
5. People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb
6. A plethora of hideous tattoos scribbled on every hairy limb like graffiti on a sunset
7. Blowing up that darn beach ball, feeling dizzy, maybe it’s a stroke
8. That skanky fish smell that blows off the stagnant bay
9. Jellyfish who stalk just you
10. Kids who whine “I’m bored” because you’re not entertaining them 24-7
11. Dutifully applying and reapplying sunscreen only to find out it causes skin cancer – classic example of “Damn if you do, damn if you don’t!”
12. Joggers impervious to triple digit temperatures
13. Gnats in my mojito
14. Listening to perfectly nice folks mispronounce “mojito”
15. Shark attacks, guaranteed to spoil the mood!
Sharing is caring. WHAT ARE YOUR SUMMER BUMMERS?
