Tag Archives: beach

LUCKY is Relative: Why YOU are Having a Good Week!

29 Jan

LUCKY?

YOU?

Yup.

Here’s why you are lucky this week:

 

* You haven’t been sucked into an MRI machine.

LUCKY

 

Man Dies After Being Sucked Into An MRI Machine via @IFLScience:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-an-mri-machine  […]

La La Land June Gloom The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

10 Jun

An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorow?

In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.

In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.

However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”

The Endless Summer

JUNE GLOOM

According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)

“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”

Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”

June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.

[…]

Safety First: 7 Spring Break Safety Tips for Snowflakes

14 Apr

Spring is here.

Whoopee.

It has stopped snowing.

Whoopee.

The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]

Summer Fun: You’re All Wet

1 Jul

 

Summer Fun = Playing in Water

 

Summer Fun: You're All Wet

Credit: iStock

 

A few thoughts on Water Fun

 

  • The wacky noodle water toy is neither an effective weapon nor a successful flotation device. However, it makes a tasty appetizer for sharks. BTW… you are the main course.

 

  • A life vest is not slimming.  If you wear one, you will resemble a pregnant marshmallow. However, it beats getting all wet and drowning in the ocean.

[…]

Summer Beach Bummers

14 Aug

 

Fun in the sun isn’t always fun.

A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment.

And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet 🙂

My 15 summer bummers… What are yours?

1.   Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board

2.   Sunburn on private parts

3.   Younger, slimmer, and obviously wealthier women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings

4.   Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones

5.   People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb […]

June Gloom: 50 Shades of L.A. Gray

20 Jun

 

JUNE GLOOM

Granted, most of the world has winter.

Paris has April.

New York has spring.

Not Los Angeles.

Los Angeles has JUNE GLOOM.

June Gloom: 50 Shades of Gray […]

7 Great Ideas That Will Change the World?

7 Aug

 

Everyone wants to change the world.

Great Ideas that will Change the World

(well, maybe just mine or yours )

1. Move to the beach; adopt casual coastal philosophy toward life (and flooring).

 

2. Convert the boring automatic dishwasher in the (duh) kitchen to a wine cooler. Cheers! […]

My Summer Bummers

29 May

Fun in the sun isn’t always fun.  A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment. And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet 🙂

My 15 summer bummers… What are yours?

1.   Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board

2.   Sunburn on private parts

3.   Younger, slimmer, and obviously richer women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings

4.   Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones

5.   People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb

6.   A plethora of hideous tattoos scribbled on every hairy limb like graffiti on a sunset

7.   Blowing up that darn beach ball, feeling dizzy, maybe it’s a stroke

8.   That skanky fish smell that blows off the stagnant bay

9.   Jellyfish who stalk just you

10. Kids who whine “I’m bored” because you’re not entertaining them 24-7

11.  Dutifully applying and reapplying sunscreen only to find out it causes skin cancer – classic example of “Damn if you do, damn if you don’t!”

12.  Joggers impervious to triple digit temperatures

13.  Gnats in my mojito

14.  Listening to perfectly nice folks mispronounce “mojito”

15.  Shark attacks, guaranteed to spoil the mood!

Sharing is caring. WHAT ARE YOUR SUMMER BUMMERS?

 

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