Tag Archives: Barb Best

Weekend Funny 5 Urgent Emails To Spoil Your Weekend

21 Sep

Friends often wish you “Have a wonderful weekend.”

5 urgent emails to spoil your weekend:

  • Your Credit Card Balance Has Reached Set Threshold Alert
  • Elaborate wedding plans in disarray due to unplanned pregnancy
  • Granny had a bear encounter
  • Granny had a bare encounter
  • Chocolate Recall due to salmonella scare

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Weekend Funny Jelly Bean Birthday 5

31 Aug

Woo hoo! It’s my birthday today. I was due on Labor Day. Ouch.

I love jelly beans – especially oddball flavors like “peach bellini” and “kiwi blast.”

Have a sweet & fun, if not funny, weekend!

Weekend Funny Jelly Bean Birthday 5

Jelly Belly flavor or  Yankee Candle scent? Mental Floss Quiz by Josh Halbur.

Info you can use… How to win a jelly bean guessing contest.

Did you know that “Jelly Bean” is a Japanese pop band?

Yes, there are “Jesus Jelly Beans.”

Fun video.  The Lazy Song (Jelly Beans Music Video)  Do you like Bruno Mars?

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I Feel Your Pain

10 Jul

July is National Boredom Month, and so I celebrate boredom. Come on, cultivate your ennui.

And may the force be with you.

BarbBestHumorBlog

Arrrgh!

If you are feeling bored lately, here are 7 HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS to shake ya outta that weary funk:

 

1.   READ A BOOK.  WTF why not – How ’bout a clever book about boredom?

ANATOMY OF BOREDOM – Boredom: A Lively History by Peter Toohey (via BrainPickings!)

 

2.   PLAY OLD SCHOOL SCRABBLE – or a “bored game” of your choice – ‘TIL YOUR EYES BLEED or ‘TIL NOBODY IN YOUR FAMILY IS SPEAKING TO YOU.

 

BarbBest

 

3.    Catch up with the 21st century. Go electronic with Scrabble Flash.

 

4.   DRINK, preferably with friends (FB friends don’t count) and when in a jolly mood. Wine away.

PhotobyBarbBest

 

5.   Join a club. Hmmm, here’s one!

 

7.   HIT the “celebrity news.” Reading about how bored senseless Paris Hilton and/or Lindsay Lohan are – with all their money, glam, beauty, youth, personal assistants, movie star friends, toys, talents, trainers, and resources – will help you focus on your own blessings…

like “Thank God, I can’t afford a cocaine habit,” or “Good thing I don’t have to worry about totaling my Porsche Carrera 997 S,” or “Darn, I don’t have anything to wear to my court appearance today.”

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Cool It

3 Jul

Have a cool July 4th!

 

 

Keep cool. Buy jewelry.

PhotCreditBarbBest

 

Be cool. Wear novelty glasses.

Be cool

 

Shoe cool. Kick up your heels.

barbbest

Red, white, and blue cool.  Add some color to your life.

Photo Credit: S Raga

 

Play it cool. Have Glee.

 

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Help! I’m A Data Hoarder

26 Jun

Help! I’m A Data Hoarder.   

Some day, perhaps sooner than later, neighbors may find me buried in a morass of festering digital clutter – twitter droppings, zipper files, news video, old songs, new songs, You Tube footage of nursing puppies and stupid person pranks, piles of podcasts and miles of ezines, ebooks, PDFs, JPEGS, GIFS.

TLC’s fascinating show “Hoarding: Buried Alive” features folks suffering from various forms of compulsive-obsessive disorder, attachment disorder, addiction and/or dementia. These avid collectors seem unable to throw out anything – especially if it’s downright disgusting: old underwear, plastic snakes, used cardboard, moldy muffins, dead cats, apple cores, ex-spouses. You get the messy “Where’s Waldo?” picture.

However, with therapy and support and some serious begging from clinical psychologists, disgruntled relatives and a U-Haul Truck full of unbelievably patient professional organizers, the hoarders begin to clean up their acts.

For my part, I finally ditched my long serving desktop computer as it was becoming a data death camp. It is a tremendous step in clearing up my “over byte” problem!

Forget preservation. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Stop, drop and delete.

Is computer clutter a problem for you?

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

FOLLOW me on Twitter @HaBarb

 

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Weekend Funny 5

22 Jun

You’ve run out of bare skin on your awesome bod, so – guess what – it’s time for Fido and Fluffy to get inked – oh, yeah – Pets with tattoosBARBBEST

Why can’t everyday be Take Your Dog To Work Day – June 22, 2012

“Renaissance Man” (and banjo player) Steve Martin has a new CD  SteveMartinBarbBest

Why are cats so funny?

CAT video – playing piano

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Mirth Mother Erma Bombeck

13 Apr

THANK YOU ERMA!

We baby boomers share a common “Mirth Mother” in beloved humorist and best selling author Erma Bombeck.

We were weaned on Erma’s wise and witty columns via newspaper clippings that our mothers proudly posted on the refrigerator door (this served as a blog in ancient times.)

While many of our mothers were marginalized by stunted cultural expectations and a crying lack of opportunity, Erma broke through those prickly barriers of her day with brilliant humor and unforgettable humanity to provide Mom with a powerful voice and much needed comic relief.

Sweetly subversive and hot damn hilarious, Erma poked enormous fun at the absurdity of women’s lives yet clearly valued parenting, marriage, and the vital importance for us all to fulfill our potential.

Erma epitomized “The One Who Does It All” – successful career, happy family – not to mention fame and fortune – all while being incredibly funny and (genuinely) nice. No small feat, but a worthy goal!

Let us thank “Erma Bombeck, Mirth Mother“ for blessing us with the inspiration, the role model and the legacy of laughter.  (Now sit up straight and stop chewing with your mouth open!)

Barb Best

Barb Best

 

Barb Best, 2010 Erma Bombeck Global Humor Winner

 

Erma Bombeck Museum

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

 

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Sweet Talk

12 Feb

Gotta love romance in advertising.  Sweet talk seduces us.

This sharp little Mini Cooper S Convertible is officially Champagne colored.

Sweet TalkTopless!

However accurate they may be, the words “Beige,” “Fungus,” and “Urine” don’t seem to have the same attraction as “Champagne.”

I hope the paint doesn’t have a lot of bubbles in it.

I’ll bet it’s really easy to get a DUI in this  car.

Cruising topless in your champagne colored car = joy ride.

“Passion” perfume.

Credit: Californiaperfumes.com

Names like “Bonking,” “Boffing,” or “Horny” don’t hold the same power or charm as “Passion,” do they?

“Kiss.”

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Obviously, “Kiss” says it better than “peck,” “canoodle,” or “buss.”

Wikimedia CommonsHershey

Hershey “Pecks?” “Smooches?” “Osculations?” No thank you.

Paris Hilton “Tease.”

Credit: Cupidspulse.com

“Tease” says it better than “Shallow,” “Ditzy,” or “Silly Billy.”  Smells like… money!

“My Funny Valentine” available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
Follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE

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What Women Want

6 Feb

 

Guns aren’t nice, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                              WHAT THE HELL DO WOMEN WANT ANYWAY?

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

I’ll tell you!

 

 

 

 

 

Kill the black widow spider

 

 

Smash the horse fly

 

 

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

 

 

Slice the venom-spitting snake.

 

 

 

 

 

Pulverize the prowler

 

 

In one Superman swoop,

 

 

No spurting blood

 

 

No cracking bones

 

 

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

 

 

No messes, but do it now.

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

I’ll tell you!

 

 

Purr like a kitten, tiger

 

 

Dance the Howdy Doody

 

 

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

 

 

Shower me with mortal sins.

 

 

 

 

 

Sail me love letters

 

 

In my alphabet soup

 

 

Stir it hard,

 

 

Use your imagination,

 

 

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

 

 

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.

 

 

 

 

 

What do women want, dude?

 

 

Most of all?

 

 

At least try to enthrall,

 

 

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

 

 

 

 

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

 

 

©2013, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

I LIKE YOU! LIKE ME on Facebook, CLICK HERE 

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Image via CrunchBase

 

 

 


LOTS OF FUN! Let’s follow each other on Twitter @HaBarb, CLICK HERE

 

 

 

 

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Rhyme Time

1 Dec

 

WISDOM

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

We all grace as we grow older,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Smile, smile and you’ll live longer,

 

Money can’t buy happiness

More isn’t more, it’s less.

Life is for the living

It’s better to be giving,

 

Keep your chin up high

You’ll feel better if you cry,

Love is grand and love is gay

Every dog will have his day,

And I was born just yesterday!

Barb Best

 

The master of light verse, Ogden Nash.

The Fly  
The Lord in His wisdom made the fly,
And then forgot to tell us why.  

- Ogden Nash

Judith Viorst is quite funny!

http://www.simonandschuster.com/multimedia?video=626073741001

 

Dorothy Parker of course.

AFTERNOON

When I am old, and comforted,
And done with this desire,
With Memory to share my bed
And Peace to share my fire,

I’ll comb my hair in scalloped bands
Beneath my laundered cap,
And watch my cool and fragile hands
Lie light upon my lap.

And I will have a sprigged gown
With lace to kiss my throat;
I’ll draw my curtain to the town,
And hum a purring note.

And I’ll forget the way of tears,
And rock, and stir my tea.
But oh, I wish those blessed years
Were further than they be!

– Dorothy Parker

Check out The Dorothy Parker Society for everything Dorothy Parker.

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