Tag Archives: 20-Somethings

Issues, Issues: We All Have ‘Em

28 Aug

 

Issues. Problems. Difficulties.

We all have issues

Issues, Issues: We All Have 'Em

I feel your pain.

  • You see oddball smiley faces in kernels of corn. And you photograph them.

[…]

Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry? A Checklist

25 Jul

 

Is your 20-Something ready (as in mature enough) to marry?

EEK! Your little baby, a 20-Something, is tying the marriage knot.

Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry?

Here is a checklist to determine if he/she is sufficiently prepared for matrimony.

  • Potty-trained
  • Pays own cell phone bill
  • Able to kill a spider by self
  • Wisdom teeth (and some wisdom) have appeared

[…]

Mom Advice for 20-Somethings

8 May

In honor of Mother’s Day, here is my advice for our darling, little 20-Somethings… many of whom are “boomerang kids” or low flying offspring of helicopter parents.

 

1. Look both ways before crossing the street, but more importantly – look UP from your cell phone. Whoa! That is a mack truck careening toward you.

2. Don’t run with a bad crowd or with scissors. Especially don’t run with a bad crowd who bandies scissors.

3. Don’t email or text nude photos of yourself to some schmuck unless you wish to be disinherited.

4. Don’t take Benadryl unless you have a dramatic allergic reaction and a designated driver.

5. Don’t buy generic paper goods. They crumble.

6. Don’t bother learning to parallel park. It’s an exercise in futility.

7. Don’t help yourself to the dog’s prescriptions to save money. You may end up with roundworms. Roundworms look like pieces of cooked spaghetti in your poop. You have to admit that is pretty darn gross.

8. Brush.

9. Floss.

10. (daughters) Don’t marry a guy who refers to his mother (or me) as “that crazy bitch.”

11. (sons) Don’t bend over naked and swing your private parts in front of the cat.

12. Tattoos larger than a Post-it?  See #3.

13. Nipples were not designed to bear the weight of gold hoop earrings. (Come to think of it, neither were earlobes.)

14.Wash your hair before job interviews, weddings (yours and others), funerals (mine definitely), and TV appearances.

15. Don’t go to a shrink whose dog is on Prozac.

16. For God’s sake, use Kleenex… even if you think nobody’s watching.

17. Don’t post the “F word” all over the internet. It may come back to bite you in the “f#!&-ing” ass… forever!

18. Do as I say, not as I do or as I did or as I wish I did.

19. Never offer a mysterious stranger on the subway a massage.

20. Don’t eat in a restaurant/bar that has sawdust on the floor. Mixed in with the shavings are piles of filth, insect excrement, and black widow spiders.

21. Don’t cut your own bangs. Trust me, always a mistake.

22. Be kind, calm, and strong. Or at least learn to fake it reasonably well.

23.  Don’t put your chewed gum on the edge of your dinner plate. It’s disturbing on many levels.

24. Don’t be confrontational to cops. They have clubs, pepper spray, tasers, 9 mm semi-automatics, and occasionally anger management issues.

25. Don’t forget to call me on Mother’s Day 🙂

What advice do you have for 20-Somethings? Let us know!

GIRLS on HBO – Hilarious opening scene with 20-Something and her parents:

GREAT article – What Is It About 20-Somethings?

By ROBIN MARANTZ HENIG  August 18, 2010  The New York Times

 

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MORE Holiday Gifts I DON’T Want!

14 Dec

Just wondering… do you know anyone who wants these gifts?

1. COZY PJ’s for 20-SOMETHINGS

 

Perfect for a rockin’ slumber party in their parents’ basement.

They are so cute with those footsies and tails… why, they look like toddlers.

Oh, wait, they kind of are like toddlers.

Oh, well.  Arrested development is so definitely under-rated.

I just want to pinch their cheeks!

You can find these hooded, footed jammies in SkyMall.

 

2.  MAGIC WAND REMOTE

For the man who has everything?  Voila!  Yes, another remote.SkyMallIt’s sheer magic.  Perfect for avid Harry Potter fans, too.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203672747&c=10200

 

3.  “CAT TOILET TRAINING SYSTEM”

“Potty Train Your Cat Faster Than Most People Can Potty Train Their Kids

SkyMall


Hmm, let me think, is the cat smarter than my kids?

This is a pretty glamorous product. I bet it’s the same system used in the movie “Meet The Parents.” And there’s a video, too.

You guessed it. It’s available at SkyMall.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203198583&c=10723

 

4.  Giraffe

What do you get a two year old who already has a puppy or a kitten?

Yes, a giraffe!  “The perfect accessory in a nursery, this eye-catching giraffe is a great addition to any decor!”   Hope you have a ladder handy.  Wonder how much bamboo and rat guts “Spotty” eats for breakfast every day?

I didn’t have to tell you!  SkyMall has it!

 

5.  ELECTRONIC RACKET ZAPPERS SET

Killing insects has never been so much fun!  Zap!

SkyMallTo hell with reincarnation.  Just pretend you’re swinging at a tennis ball. You can keep score with every fly you swat and spider your squash.

Zap! Zap! Zap! Zam!

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102870451&c=10430

I want to thank SkyMall for the bounty of creative and entertaining products! It’s a gift of that keeps giving.

Photo credits: SkyMall catalog.

©2011, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

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