Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog



Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake.

1) A serious fruitcake is basically a brick, therefore a sharp, well-directed blow to the noggin will surely end your days on this side of the rose garden.

2) Consume an entire fruitcake in one sitting. At 500 calories per serving and 10 servings per brick, your poor heart will go gaga struggling to pump and process the sugar, saturated fat, and dried (albeit unidentifiable) fruit. Vital organs will not make the grade; they will fail.


Have some eggnog with that fruitcake, and you will never have to worry about long-term care. One cup of eggnog = 400 calories. If you concoct it right, eggnog is pure, saturated fat + enough sugar to make you gag. Go ahead. Spike that eggy grog with cognac, bourbon, rum, rubbing alcohol, whatever works to cut the sweetness.

Credit: Wikimedia Commons


Gingerbread Men

When it comes to Gingerbread Men, size matters. Calories vary – 340 calories for Big & Tall Men and 140 calories for our Petite Pals. That’s naked – without the frosting.

Pecan Pie

It is important to mention that a slice of pecan pie = 500 calories. I submit that every calorie is well worth it.

After all, pecan pie doesn’t grow on trees, and you can have an apple or an orange anytime.


Happy Holidays!



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