Sorry Not Sorry! Cockamamie Sex Confessions

30 Nov

Sorry is the hardest word.

Cockamamie Confessions

Guilty of “inappropriate sexual behavior?”

It’s time for a pricey crisis public relations consultant, a criminal defense lawyer (preferably female) and perhaps, a cushy stint in rehab.

I’m Sorry

“Remember that time I tackled you on the fire escape during the office holiday party, grabbed you by the hair, dragged you back into the burning building (those damn candle decorations), and raped you on top of the microwave in the break room?”

“I have a different recollection of that incident than you do.”


So Sorry

“HUH? When we had our photo taken at the leadership conference, I was just trying to be funny when I grabbed your ass, pinched it, and stuck my lubed hand up your skirt.”

“I have no recollection of that. Shucks, some women don’t have a sense of humor.”


Please Accept My Apology

“When I conducted your three-month performance review in the broom closet of my secret bunker, tied you up with blood-sucking vipers, and forced you to service me if you wanted to keep your job?”

“Hmm, that incident totally slips my mind.”



Why Tom Hanks Isn’t Surprised by Hollywood’s Sexual Harassment Scandal via People Magazine

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