I Got Baggage: Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

4 Mar

WHY MY PURSE WEIGHS 50 FRIGGIN’ POUNDS

Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

After all, isn’t a purse just an enabler for mobile hoarders?

I suppose my purse/bag would be lighter if these items were not in it?

  • Multiple lipsticks, concealers,  mascara, a tiny make-up guy.
  • A Six-Pack of emergency water bottles – an absolute necessity for survival if stuck in traffic during a heatwave during a SIG alert during an earthquake during a heart attack during a hurricane during a nuclear attack during a tsunami during a…

  • A variety of fashionable iPhone accessories that cost more than the cell phone themselves… and do practically nothing.
  • 1,000 “Bed Bath and Beyond” coupons – more than an entire college dorm could use – for all four years.

 

Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

 

  • A box of assorted size and shape Band Aids.  In case someone – anyone, a stranger, a frenemy, a bleeder, a homeless person – needs one. Altruism knows no bounds.
  • Emergency snacks. Don’t want to get too hangry!

 

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Trick or Treat

 

  • 5 pens, no paper. Who uses paper anymore?
  • Pepper spray – great for date night
  • Nutribullet personal blender – for nutritional crises
  • Tennis racquet – just in case, you never know
  • WTF? My new humor book – just out – and available on Amazon

 

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See? You never know what’s right under your nose – or armpit 🙂

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