WHY MY PURSE WEIGHS 50 FRIGGIN’ POUNDS
After all, isn’t a purse just an enabler for mobile hoarders?
I suppose my purse/bag would be lighter if these items were not in it?
- Multiple lipsticks, concealers, mascara, a tiny make-up guy.
- A Six-Pack of emergency water bottles – an absolute necessity for survival if stuck in traffic during a heatwave during a SIG alert during an earthquake during a heart attack during a hurricane during a nuclear attack during a tsunami during a…
- A variety of fashionable iPhone accessories that cost more than the cell phone themselves… and do practically nothing.
- 1,000 “Bed Bath and Beyond” coupons – more than an entire college dorm could use – for all four years.
- A box of assorted size and shape Band Aids. In case someone – anyone, a stranger, a frenemy, a bleeder, a homeless person – needs one. Altruism knows no bounds.
- Emergency snacks. Don’t want to get too hangry!
- Sunglasses, reading glasses, Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop wine glasses
- 5 pens, no paper. Who uses paper anymore?
- Pepper spray – great for date night
- Nutribullet personal blender – for nutritional crises
- Tennis racquet – just in case, you never know
- WTF? My new humor book – just out – and available on Amazon
See? You never know what’s right under your nose – or armpit 🙂