Weekend Funny 5

15 Jun

In honor of Father’s Day this Sunday, here are some Dad writers I LOVE!

Dan Zevin    FUNNY author at danzevin.com, Thurber Prize for American Humor finalist.  NEW book Dan Gets A Minivan

DanZevin                            

 

Jim Higley    Motivational writer “Bobblehead Dad”         BobbleHeadDad

 

 

 

 

Tim Bete    Classic parody!  Cap’n Billy “TheButcher” MacDougall’s  Guide to Pirate Parenting

 

TimBete                       TimBete

 

Patrick Caneday   Graceful writer and brilliant newspaper columnist. His book is Crooked Birdhouse: Random Thoughts On Being Human

 

PatrickCaneday                         PatrickCaneday

 

Bill Cosby    Fun stuff on his web site BillCosby.com  

 

Chocolate cake for breakfast, yeah!

 

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I Feel Your Pain

12 Jun

When it comes to pain, death has to be way up there on the list.

Before you “check out” for good, check out this funny and touching collection of essays, EXIT LAUGHING: How Humor Takes the Sting Out of Death.

This remarkable anthology is edited by novelist Victoria Zackheim. I met Victoria last week at the Book Expo of America.  Her impressive bio is here.

The stories are profoundly life and laughter affirming.  Exit Laughing is available on Amazon. Enjoy!

 

Amazon Customer Review

5.0 out of 5 stars Laughing All The Way,June 11, 2012
This review is from: Exit Laughing: How Humor Takes the Sting Out of Death (Io) (Paperback)

Exit Laughing is a fascinating anthology. It lovingly takes on the subject of death with grace, courage, and (thank God!) humor. It’s this celebration of laughter, even in dying and death, that makes the book so remarkable. The essays are poignant, funny, and memorable. They demonstrate the life-affirming power of humor. A great collection edited by Victoria Zackheim.

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Weekend Funny 5

8 Jun

Check out this terrific writer! Darlene Sneden * Adventures of a Middle Age Mom She has a piece in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Married Life!

 

You think YOU are having a bad hair day? How To Be Totally Miserable by Anne Hathaway  Les Miserables  

 

12 Most Hilarious Seinfeld Episodes by Brad Shorr      (Posted by on May 30, 2012)

 

An Ivy League rap video by comedienne Nicki Muller

 

HA, HA, HA, MEOW!

 

 

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Sparkle

5 Jun

I am determined that a pesky little critter the size of a penis will not get the best of me.

Yes, I refer to the gopher – that infuriating, beady-eyed rodent.

 

My heart stopped when I spotted that first heinous dirt mound near my prize-winning Kehr Hybrid azalea bushes in

my meticulously manicured front yard.  My busybody neighbor informed me the peculiar mound is due to a gopher.

“They can really destroy a lawn. Ha, Ha, Ha…” he needled me.

The stress and irritation of this creature invasion has catapulted me into a crisis:

Blood pressure higher than a kytoon, sleep tortured by ghosts of gophers past, present, and future, dirt-filled

fingernails gnawed to the bone, digestion disrupted, mental faculties in disarray, martini consumption and

general crankiness escalating off the charts.

I repeat. I am determined that a pesky little critter the size of a penis will not get the best of me.

Being a thinking person at least occasionally, I pursue sound, logical approaches to the problem:

  1. Trapping with artisan cheese
  2. Flooding by garden hose
  3. Water boarding
  4. Smoke bombs
  5. Elaborate fencing
  6. Sonar repeller rods (a regrettable purchase from the captivating but essentially useless Sky Mall Catalog)
  7. Death by dog (sicking our aging beagle Flopsie on the vile little bugger)
  8. 100% Organic, gold-lined chemicals designed to euthanize the prickly pest (special precautions taken so I don’t kill my beloved cat… even though he treats me with all the respect offered a convicted sex offender)
  9. Blasting mezzo-soprano Whitney Houston classics into the tunnel. Perhaps the piercing high notes will call him to Jesus?
  10. Creative visualization – I imagine the gopher as road kill on my local interstate.

Nothing works.  I resort to sniveling, cajoling, begging, and sobbing. However, this hurts me with the kids as they sense incompetence and despair faster than they can hit the local “all-you-can-eat buffet.”

After five weeks of soul numbing failure to exterminate the furry little Fuhrer, I succumb to a pitcher of Orange Blossom (heavy on the sweet Vermouth) for divine inspiration.  Voila. I am struck with an answer so counter-intuitive yet brilliantly simple I want to scream.

Go with a Zen approach. Just “go for it.” Ohm. Peace envelops my entire being. Ohm. Ohm.

I accept you, oh measly gopher. Ohm.

Ohm. Ohm.

I am now “one” with my fuzzy friend. Amen.

Weekend Funny 5

1 Jun

Dare to be different!

 

Julie Ott (“I’m sarcastic. What’s your superpower?”) has a FAB Friday Funnies feature on her Ottmama blog 

 

“Goodnight, We Love You” The Life and Legend of Phyliss Diller.  A must-see documentary by Gregg Barson on trailblazing comedienne, accomplished pianist, and painter PHYLISS DILLER.  On Netflix.

A gracious & kind artist

 

Hey, why not?  Your bananas have tattoos.  Turning Coffee Stains Into Art

 

Great new book!  Steal Like An Artist 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative by Austin Kleon

 

 

Weirdest Baby Names by Pamela Redmond Satran

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-redmond-satran/weirdest-baby-names_b_1539659.html

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My Summer Bummers

29 May

Fun in the sun isn’t always fun.  A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment. And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet 🙂

My 15 summer bummers… What are yours?

1.   Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board

2.   Sunburn on private parts

3.   Younger, slimmer, and obviously richer women donning floss bikinis, spray tans, and serious diamond earrings

4.   Being buried in bacteria filthy, crab infested, scalding sand for the amusement and photo opp pleasure of loved ones

5.   People who use “summer” as a verb, but not “budget” as a verb

6.   A plethora of hideous tattoos scribbled on every hairy limb like graffiti on a sunset

7.   Blowing up that darn beach ball, feeling dizzy, maybe it’s a stroke

8.   That skanky fish smell that blows off the stagnant bay

9.   Jellyfish who stalk just you

10. Kids who whine “I’m bored” because you’re not entertaining them 24-7

11.  Dutifully applying and reapplying sunscreen only to find out it causes skin cancer – classic example of “Damn if you do, damn if you don’t!”

12.  Joggers impervious to triple digit temperatures

13.  Gnats in my mojito

14.  Listening to perfectly nice folks mispronounce “mojito”

15.  Shark attacks, guaranteed to spoil the mood!

Sharing is caring. WHAT ARE YOUR SUMMER BUMMERS?

 

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Weekend Funny 5

25 May

TGIF

 

Every Friday I feature 5 LINKS to LAUGHTER. Enjoy!

 

How to Bake a Chicken Without Flippin’ the Bird Lisa Tognola

Another food mystery solved at Mental Floss

The Hilarious Rachael Ray  Food Network Humor

How To Tattoo A Banana  Admit it, bananas are funny.

 

Oprah Show Funniest Moments

 

 

Weight Watchers Ice Cream

22 May

I’m in love. Or is it merely lust?

Oh, Yes!

Great photo on the box cover. Isn’t subliminal advertising subtle?

Nonetheless, Madison Avenue knows I  scream, you scream, we all holler like crazy for it!  Yes. Low calorie ice cream.

One of these highly satisfying, heavenly treats is only 80 calories, can you believe it?

Why have one dark chocolate raspberry ice cream bar when you can have two?

Two bars… 2 x 80 = 160 calories. Not too bad…

 

But, no!  The box says 1 bar = 80 calories and 2 bars = 170 calories.

Do the math, dudes at Weight Watchers. What’s with the extra 10 calories when I down two bars? Does that mean if I savor four bars (hmmm, not that I would) is it an extra 20 calories? Or is it like the Richter scale, increasing exponentially?

Is the extra 10 calories some kind of diet penalty?

I have contacted the generous and marketing savvy people at Weight Watchers regarding this error. I’m hoping they will reward me with Weight Watchers ice cream ’til death or ’til I gain 25 pounds – whichever comes first.

 

 

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Weekend Funny 5

18 May

 

TGIF!

 

Every Friday I will feature 5 LINKS to LAUGHTER. Enjoy!

HUFF POST WOMEN BEST TWEETS

TEXT FROM DOG

LIGHTEN UP!

5 STAGES OF GRADUATION GRIEF

PINSANITY!

 

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Pain: Everything You Need To Know

15 May

 

Pain, of course, is relative.

 

barbbest.com

Ouch!

Pain – the noun

1) A feeling of marked discomfort, a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: “She has a severe pain in her arse, most probably due to sitting at the computer at work all day.”

“Jury duty can be quite a pain in the neck.”

“For monthly pain, Ashley downs half a bottle of Scotch.”

2) Mental suffering or distress : “During the holidays, I am plagued by the pain of listening politely to relatives pontificate on politics, religion, and squirrel virus.”

“Waiting for hours in this line at the DMV is killing me. Oh, the pain. ARRRGH!”

“Will the Kardashians ever stop inflicting such pain upon the culture and just drop off the damn planet?”

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Keeping Up with the Kardashians (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

3) An annoying or tedious, troublesome person or thing: “Kim’s a pain. Khloe’s a pain. Kourtney’s a pain. Kris IS a royal pain.”

4) Laborious or careful efforts; assiduous care: “Great pains have been taken to cover the crimson, pulsing pimple on my nose.”

Pain – the verb

1) Cause mental or physical pain to: “It pains me to say this, but your butt looks humongous in those horizontal stripes.”

Pain – phrase

1) No pain, no gain“Suffering is necessary in order to achieve something such as losing that last 15 pounds, getting the kids to do their homework, and finishing this blog post on deadline.”

My favorite “pain.” Chocolat! Ah, oui.

pains au chocolat

pains au chocolat (Photo credit: LORO Languages Open Resources Online)

 

Great story about LUCILLE BALL and PAIN she suffered as a young adult:

*Lucille Ball: Comedienne and 

Rheumatoid Arthritis Sufferer

 Few People Realize That Lucille Ball Suffered With Rheumatoid Arthritis

By Carol Eustice, About.com Guide  (Updated October 18, 2011)

*The Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter

Health Benefits of Laughter: Stress Relief, Immunity, and More

By , About.com Guide Updated January 10, 2011

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Copyright 2012, Barb Best

Follow me on Twitter @HaBarb

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