Meditation for Morons

11 Oct

 

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Antique Himalayan bowls (text taken from accom...

Antique Himalayan bowls (text taken from accompanying text at Singing bowl) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

MEDITATION NO-NO’s

1.  Do not chew gum even if it is all natural, organic, and sugar-free.

2.  If you find yourself nodding off, open your eyes and blink 57 times. Works every time.

3.  No humming.

4.  It is rude to apply lip gloss during sacred time.

5.  If you suffer from a pesky skin condition anywhere on your body (especially the bottom half) – make sure you work the necessary anti-itch cream before settling in for a long contemplative sit on the hard floor.

6.  Do not judge the Tibetan singing bowls even if they are as pitchy as a lactose intolerant cat.

7.  There is a time and place for kegel exercises. This isn’t it.

Bonus Tip:  Sexual fantasies may intrude upon your focus of the moment. There is an “O” in “Ohm” but it’s not the one in your spicy little daydream.

For the FUN of it… Let’s follow each other on Twitter… I’m @HaBarb

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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4 Responses to “Meditation for Morons”

  1. Jeanette October 11, 2013 at 10:02 am #

    Oh my Barb -you are as funny as our mutual friend Cathy Turney! And I consider myself a humor writer – don’t think i can compete at ALL with the 2 of you! And as our dear friend says, “Write on”!

    • Barb Best October 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm #

      Thank you, Jeanette 🙂

  2. Dawn@LightenUp! October 16, 2013 at 5:35 am #

    Gah – I could never mediate. My (possibly peri-menopausal-shut-up) monkey mind never shuts down.

    • Barb Best October 16, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

      Darn right. It’s all the mind’s fault!

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