I Feel Your Pain: Dead or Alive

6 Nov


Can life be devoid of pain?


I saw a billboard recently that advertised “TOTAL Sleep Dentistry.”

On it was a hot, young blonde (is there any other kind in L.A.?)

She was wearing an itsy bitsy red polka dot bikini (or was it a thong with Spandex pasties?) and a glistening smile.

Her blinding whites sparkled in a movie star kind of way – as if  touched – not from a toothbrush, but by Tinker Bell’s magic wand.

The message went on to promise…
1) NO pain
2) NO memory
3) NO suffering
4) NO lie!

Whew! Talk about promises, promises!

But The Tooth Hurts 🙁

You will have NO pain during the usual torture of being pinned down in a cold Naugahyde chair while ultra sensitive and highly personal parts of your pie hole are summarily cut, gouged, scraped and excavated.

If innovation and technology can bring us the glorious benefits of sweet air sedation dentistry, then perhaps there are NO limits.

How about “NO pain adolescence,” “Total sleep marriage,” “NO memory divorce,”  “NO anguish parenting,” “NO suffering family funerals,” and “Carefree Chemotherapy?

NO Lie!

Cross your heart and hope to die (pleasantly, of course).
Perhaps we should all hire party planners for our assisted suicides?

“Purple! I said, purple balloons!” “And tell the caterer to go light on the cream cheese on the red velvet cupcakes!” “Damn it! Those flower bouquets better be fresh!”

Maybe a reality show on TLC like “Say Yes to the Dress” – “Say All Right to the Night!” “Of Course to the Hearse!”

Hooray! Let’s kiss “No Pain, No Gain” goodbye.


Changing memories to treat PTSD?


Bring, it, on.

Me? I welcome a honking dose of laughing gas with my daily slog fest of trials and tribulations.



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