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Dear FOOD NETWORK

25 Apr

 

Dear Food Network
Dear Food Network,
Thank you for teaching my kids how to cook fancy schmancy.

The vast culinary knowledge they have acquired lounging in front of the TV and laptop (love your website) has raised the chow bar to quite a sophisticated level.

Unfortunately, they leave 99% of the actual cooking to moi.

 

Dear Food Network

Cook Like A Star!

 

I can no longer pawn turkey hot dogs, tuna sandwiches, or cans of noodle soup off as a meal. […]

Driving Me Crazy: 12 Excuses… What STOP Sign?

10 Apr

 

Driving can drive you crazy.

BarbBestDrivingMeCrazy

“Gee, Officer. Was there a STOP sign back there? I didn’t see a STOP sign. Please don’t shoot – just kidding.”

SO… WHY DIDN’T I SEE THAT STOP SIGN?

Excuses, Excuses!

* I was doing the finishing touches on my pedicure. After all, I’m on my way to my GYN app’t.

* Purse dog was driving. He’s nearsighted. […]

Does Everything Have To Be A Competition?

28 Mar

 

Why does everything have to be a competition?

BarbBestHumor

  • No kidding! We now have competitive bubble wrap popping.

Yes, there’s video below from WSJ.

  • Of course, we have eating competitions. No longer limited to hot dogs and cherry pies at the summer fair. Competitive eating has gone pro. It is a collegiate sport. Organized gluttony as an entertainment event.

[…]

7 Gratitude TIPS for the Grumpy

16 Feb

Gratitude is where it’s at, dude.

Barb Best Humor Blog Gratitude

 

If guilted sufficiently, even die-hard cranks and curmudgeons can occasionally muster enough oomph to express a grunt or two of gratitude.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for Google

Everything I know, knew, never knew, and can’t remember – I learned on Google. […]

And The Booby Prize Goes To…

16 Jan

 

Booby Prize

has nothing to do with boobs of the female breast persuasion.

 

And The Booby Prize Goes To...

Boing! Boing! Boing!

 

According to The New Oxford American Dictionary (non-Braille edition),

booby prize

is “a prize given as a joke to the last-place finisher in a race or competition.”

It’s awards season in Hollywood.

It’s time for all the boobs to come out.

[…]

7 Celebrity Products We’d Like To See

7 Oct

Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Do celebrities annoy you?

The narcissists who never cease to amaze us with their sheer lack of restraint?

Thanks to an avalanche of 24-7 celebrity “news”

we are bombarded with celebrity drama queens’ constant cry for attention.

They appear. They promote. They publicize.

They SELL, SELL, SELL!

7 CELEBRITY PRODUCTS WE’D LIKE TO SEE

[…]

A Third Breast? 5 GOOD Reasons to Add One!

24 Sep

Mamma Mia!

Woman undergoes surgery to add third breast.

Why? You ask!

“I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don’t want to date anymore,” Jasmine said.
Honey, couldn’t you just skip waxing and adopt five cats?

Also, it seems Jasmine has the dream of having her own Reality TV show.

Not a bad hoax. But it got me to thinking…

5 GOOD REASONS TO ADD A THIRD BOOB

  • You just had twins. Or triplets. And you plan on breastfeeding.  Do the math.

[…]

Prescription Drug Name or Disney Character?

17 Sep

iStock_000007289224Large

What’s in a name? In a prescription drug name?

Drug companies sell directly to the consumer/patient/poor schlub like me via TV commercials.

Doctors now take prescription requests.

“Doc, I saw this snazzy, sexy ad for “Beallus” that was shot on the beach in Hawaii. God, I’m in pain.

I’d like to try some of that! Pen me a prescription, will you?”

The prescription drug names are cool and catchy. They promise an orgasmic paradise, a spa experience, a pain-free existence.

But… many drug names sound like Disney characters to me. […]

Pet Peeves and the Curmudgeonly Spirit

10 Sep

Curmudgeons are in a perpetual state of annoyance.

They cultivate their pet peeves wholeheartedly.

With art and age comes a greater license to voice such pained sentiments.

If you can kvetch in a funny way – it is a blessing to all.

In the spirit of the book by Joan Rivers I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me

And with tongue in cheek

My PET PEEVES… Stuff I Hate!

Stemless wine glasses   (They look like cheap jelly jars for preschoolers)

Lengthy Minimalist newsletters   (Duh) […]

Cry Me a Joan River

4 Sep

 

 JOAN RIVERS was a force of nature. Early on especially, Joan bubbled over with playful, hyperbolic, self-deprecating humor. Fresh and feminine. Clever. Smart. I was thrilled to have written, sold one-liners to her for over 5 years. She was an amazing performer, writer, editor, author of 12 books. She’ll be funny always. Like Robin Williams, she is also being remembered for her kindness and generosity.

https://www.facebook.com/BarbBestHumor

Joan Rivers

“My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. 

Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”