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Cat Interview: Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

2 Dec

Cat Interview: Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

Pussycat, Pussycat, I love you

Yes I do.

 

Cat Interview Pussycat Humor

 

* EXCLUSIVE *  Interview with My Cat

 

LOWLY HUMAN:  So, Cleo baby, what’s up Pussycat? Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!

CLEO:  Geez, I hate that song.  Stop with the “P-word!” Calling your divine Goddess the “P-word” – slang for female genitalia for God’s sake – is so uncouth.

LOWLY HUMAN:  You’ve got a point. We don’t call the dog “Dickie” – even though his name is Richard.

CLEO:  The ancient Egyptians were right. I am a Godly entity. I must be worshipped.

LOWLY HUMAN:  We’re not in Cairo anymore. “YouTube Video Star” is the greatest height you can achieve now.

CLEO:  You should be dressing me in gold and serving me Beluga caviar on your Lenox china.

LOWLY HUMAN:  I thought you liked Purina on paper plates.

CLEO:   Surely you jest.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Seen any cool birds in the backyard lately from your window perch on the sofa hump?

CLEO:  You call that a great view for a Goddess?  I think I need Lasik surgery.

 

Cat Interview Egypt cat Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goddess

 

LOWLY HUMAN:  BTW Thanks for not biting the heads off of lizards and disemboweling mice, then gifting me your trophy roadkill.

CLEO:  Thanks for not letting me out of the house for ten years. I think I have Stockholm syndrome.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Blame the vet for that edict. Oh, fierce protector of the family, it’s dog-eat-cat out there.

CLEO:  Remember. I may be morbidly obese, but I can still jump on your head and scratch your brains out.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Ouch. A pooch would never express such a sentiment.

Cat Interview Humor Pussycat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DOGS

 

CLEO:  Dogs are a dime a dozen. Lucy, Lucky, Skippy, Max.

(coughing)

I’m going to gag if I hear another dog called “Lucy.”  (cough cough)   Makes me wanna hack a hairball.

LOWLY HUMAN: Don’t be cranky, fab feline. I have fresh catnip and your favorite stick toy with the rainbow tassel.

CLEO:  Catnip?  The fresh stuff this time?  MEOW!

LOWLY HUMAN:  And maybe Santa Claws will bring you some peacock feathers.

CLEO:  Peacock feathers?!  The ones with the weird eyes?  MEOW!

LOWLY HUMAN:  When you’re in the mood, come sit on my lap or on my open laptop.

CLEO:  I’ll consider it… Rub my neck first.  And scratch under my chin. And kiss my whiskers.

MEOW. MEOW. MEOW.

 

Pussycat, Pussycat, I love you,

Yes I do!

 

 

Lyrics unlike Stephen Sondheim lyrics

Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

1 Oct

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors Nextdoor

 

NEIGHBOR is defined as

One who lives near or next to another

A fellow human

A fellow human! This covers every imaginable sort of person of interest under the sun.

Every stripe and strain from “Miss Congeniality” to “FBI’s Most Wanted”

Saints, sinners, helpers,

Freaks, fools and tools,

Lovers and haters.

AND they are all on the online Nextdoor platform – the popular social networking service for neighborhoods.

Nextdoor seems to have an attraction for the “Karens” and the trolls.

 

Neighbors Nextdoor

Love Thy Neighbor

 

[…]

Comedy Videos: I See Funny Women

3 Sep

Comedy Videos: I See Funny Women

Comedy Videos:  I See Funny Women

Laughter for Today, Tonight, Tomorrow… an antidote to the news.

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo […]

Aging? You’re So Old You Probably Think This Joke Is About You

1 Aug

Aging? You’re So Old You Probably Think This Joke Is About You

Aging?

You don’t feel old, but do you act old?

 

jokes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re as old as you act.

 

If the Joke Fits – Laugh!

 

  • Do you really need a park bench to sit on when taking a shower?

[…]

April Pain: Reason to Complain

2 Apr

April Pain

On a scale of 1 to 10, where is yours?

 

Pain reason complain

Pain is Relative

Nobody has no pain. Not even a sea sponge or a nitrous oxide enthusiast.

Constant stress from styrofoam cling-on… a 2?

A nagging concern about proper toe alignment… a 1?

Cardiac surgery… a 10!

Childbirth… an 11!

A paper cut from a past due snail mail bill… a 5?

Personally, I worry that it’s wicker bag season. I hate wicker. It cannot compete with calfskin, cotton canvas or nylon as an accessory… a 2?

I love a Ceasar salad, but croutons annoy. They lack character. They either try too hard or not enough… a 3?

Perspective

Pain is subjective, but so is pleasure and joy.

Covid-19 pandemic, lockdown hell, illness and death… 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 +

My arm hurts – not from the shot – but from logging onto numerous websites for days, weeks, months trying to nail an appointment for the vaccine… not even a 1.

Scientists seek ways to finally take real measure of pain…

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-01-scientists-ways-real-pain.html

 

JUST IN TIME!  APRIL IS NATIONAL HUMOR MONTH 🙂

 

I Feel Your Pain

National Humor Month

Survey This: Are Surveys A Pet Peeve of Yours?

1 Mar

Customer Service

And the survey says…

we hate surveys!

Survey Pet Peeve

 

Too many questions!

Too many urgent requests for mindless opinions.

Are we all so famished for feedback?

Lengthy surveys for every inconsequential product and service.

Screens of redundant questions on minute aspects of a minor service or product.

Who cares?

You had a 15-second interaction on a phone call with our service representative “Urina” regarding

a delivery of Acme Paper Clips and a survey is emailed, texted and dropped on your head by a drone four

minutes later.

Surveys Pet Peeve

 

 

 

 

Rate Your Experience 🙂

a) Did Urina solve your problem? Not your big problem (you seem to have so many), but your product issue with Acme Paper Clips.

b) Was she/he/? at least friendlier than most of your friends and family members?

c) In the call, did you suspect bad breath? Bad vibes? A mood disorder?

d) Did Urina explain – in simple terms that the average Golden Retriever can understand – the technology involved with your issue?

e) Would you recommend our company Acme Paper Clips to other clueless customers who feel lost when navigating the paperclip world?

f) Would you spend five minutes of your precious life to write a pithy 5 Star review for us on Instagram, Facebook, Yelp, Twitter and Dogpile?

Gee, thanks! This saves us a boatload of money on advertising fees and – guess what – no need to hire a marketing team.

And the survey says…

Resembling Tina Fey helps! Winning!

Groundhog Day: The Date, The Movie, The Legend

2 Feb

Groundhog Day: The Date, The Movie, The Legend

Groundhog Day

Ho Hum. February 2nd is Groundhog Day weather you like it or not.

The much maligned beaver and the irrelevant aardvark should have such marketing teams behind them.

BTW why doesn’t the groundhog have a mask on?

Is he alone on his laptop?

2021’s Groundhog Day will be virtual

When the groundhog sees his shadow, perhaps it’s merely the positioning of the TV cameras and lighting?

Comedy Classic

And yet, out of all the groundhog drivel, hype and hoopla exists a hilarious movie,

a comedy classic.

BILL MURRAY

 

Who needs Groundhog Day when you’ve got “Groundhog Day” the movie?

DUST OFF YOUR UKULELE

FYI FEBRUARY 2nd is also Play Your Ukulele Day

Who knew?

https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/play-your-ukulele-day/

 

Friends: Our Dubious Achievements of 2020

3 Jan

Friends: Our Dubious Achievements of 2020

While contemplating goals and intentions for the new year 2021 (yawn),

I asked pals, “What have I and/or you accomplished in 2020?”

 

Dubious Achievements friends

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prolific artistic output?  A thick, juicy novel ripe with creative breakthroughs?

A slew of wonderful new paintings — like 83 year old David Hockney?

After a totally non-scientific study and truly shallow analysis…

Ta Da!

[…]

Daylight Savings Time: I Got Circadian Rhythm

1 Nov

Daylight Savings Time: I Got Circadian Rhythm

Daylight savings time

Tick tock, tick tock.

Turn your clock back or is it forward?

Fall back, spring ahead, fall forward, spring back?

Daylight savings time is like kimchee – nobody seems to like it.

And yet there it is.

It’s fake time!

Even the dog and cat are confused by it.

 

Daylight savings time Circadian Rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anybody really know what time it is?

 

 

As if the pandemic hasn’t skewed your sense of time over these tedious months,

The powers that be shall now screw with your Circadian rhythm!

So much for your delicate sleep routine.

Your internal clock will be out of whack again.

There will be more darkness, less light.

 

Daylight savings time Circadian rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank God for caffeine

 

Daylight savings time Circadian rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rhythm

How do I keep time?

I got rhythm!  I got caffeine! Who could ask for anything more?

 

 

 

Alarm Clocks are Evil and Sleep is Divine

Social Distancing: The Howard Hughes Guide

5 Sep

Social Distancing Pointers from Howard Hughes

Having trouble social distancing

being stuck at home

how ’bout

taking some grooming tips from

the eccentric, reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes –

you will not only be successfully distanced…

people will stay clear away from you!

 

social distancing guide howard hughes

Image Wikimedia Commons

 

DO IT LIKE HOWARD!

  • Wash your hands 15 times a day – so what if you’re wearing gloves? You don’t need a pandemic to be Mr. Clean.

 

  • Wear Kleenex box hats. Nothing like protective headgear to make you feel safe and sound. And much more stylish than a tin foil cap.

 

  • Only bed busty actresses and only have sex with them once, then gorge yourself for months on their housekeeper’s baked goods – while they fantasize about marrying you and helping you handle your filthy millions.

 

Social Distancing Howard Hughes

Image Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Grow foot-long, curly fingernails that put Elvira to shame.

 

  • Don’t trim – or comb – your beard for a decade.

 

All in jest.

Books

Read these fantastic biographies of the genius Howard Hughes

Movies

ICYMI… here is a great movie about Howard Hughes

The Aviator (2004) Official Trailer #1 – Leonardo DiCaprio