Archive | Parenting RSS feed for this section

I Feel Your Back To School Pain

30 Aug

 

According to top Health and Wellness Coaches Debbie Schroeder and Lynn Smith in their report 10 ENERGY ZAPPERS and How To Eliminate Them,

“Watching TV can lead to fatigue. The rapid cuts and edits shift your orienting response into overdrive, which leads to fatigue.”  Phooey, I say!

What causes fatigue? Working a job in your kid’s classroom!

It’s elementary, my dear room mother

backtoschool

Dear Ms. Yokelclinger,

I’m happy as Planter’s Punch you are my kid’s teacher this year. I look forward to working like a dog breaking labor laws volunteering tirelessly in the classroom. After a seemingly endless summer keeping my kids entertained, hydrated, fed, culturally stimulated, lathered with sunscreen, and blooming like buttercups, I’m really thrilled to tears to be your complete and total slave parent helper.

Because I am deliriously dedicated to my child’s education, I will be on call 24-7 should you need anything. […]

Words With Moms

6 May

 

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged...

An 1888 advertisement for Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

One of the BEST things I learned from my mother…

best |best| superlative of good
adjective
of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality
• most enjoyable: some of the best times of my life.
• most appropriate, advantageous, or well advised

“If you don’t know the meaning of a word, look it up in the dictionary,” she insisted.

Once an English Major, always an English Major.  As the Mental Floss T-shirt joke goes, “I’m an English Major. You do the math.”

My mother kept a thick, worn hardcover copy of her college edition Webster’s Dictionary on a little shelf in the corner of the kitchen. […]

Go Fly A Kite!

1 May

Malibu, Baby!

Malibu, Baby!

MAY DAY!   MAY DAY!

After a long winter and a chilly, slow start to spring…

(you may have noticed) it’s finally May.

The spring fever many of us felt in April was merely the flu.

So it’s time to squeeze in a celebration of spring before Memorial Day whacks us like a Wasabi wiener and folks (certainly not me) are complaining about how hot it is.

Is it hot in here or is it just me? […]

Snarky Tips from My Teen

15 Oct

Tina Fey‘s 5 year old daughter Alice says crazy funny things all the time. She’s constantly cracking Tina up. How cute!

Did I say… she’s five?

As daughters become older, they become increasingly brutal entertaining and wise – especially with their advice.

parenting

 

Tips From My Teen

  •   Lose the Carol Brady haircut.
  •   Nothing dates you more than saying “groovy.”
  •   Don’t chat with the grocery store cashier like she’s a long lost BFF.
  •   Don’t pay for HBO. Watch TV on your computer for free.
  •   Chill.
  •   Ordering hummus in a restaurant is wrong on many levels.
  •   No matter how whimsical you feel, leave the glitter eye shadow to Disney Pop Stars.
  •   Don’t respond to a text message right away – it looks desperate.
  •   “The Beatles” is a lousy name for a band. Get over it.
  •   Too much make-up on 5 year olds and 50 year olds is equally as scary.
  •   Chill.
  •   If you slept with JFK or Warren Beatty, I DON’T want to hear about it. I don’t even know who Warren Beatty is.
  •   Baggy pants make you look like OMG you’re wearing a diaper.
  •   Don’t panic if you can’t understand WTF your laptop is doing.
  •   Study a texting dictionary (online) of acronyms so you understand the “newfangled” lingo.
  •   Coddling the cat/dog like he’s a human child strikes many as needy.
  •   Stop with the Viva Viagra jokes. It’s LOL pathetic.
  •   Anyone seriously considering an eyebrow transplant is much older than they think they are.
  •   Sudoku is no substitute for a real hobby like windsurfing or limbo skating.
  •   Chill.


Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Enhanced by Zemanta

5 Flu Prevention Tips for Hypochondriacs & Moms

9 Oct

Are you a Worry Wart? A Grade A Hypochondriac? Or just a Mom Who Cares?

Afraid of getting the flu this year? Of course you are!

I feel your pain.

5 Flu Prevention Tips JUST for YOU!

 

  • Don’t shake hands with anyone. Pretend you’re Japanese and bow humbly from a distance.
  • Don’t touch elevator buttons, escalator handles, stair railings, or any of your kid’s clothing (especially shirt sleeves as they are SO often used as Kleenex) WITH YOUR HANDS. This will require you to be creative AND limber.
  • Bubble wrap your toddler on play dates. Also limits collateral damage of all sorts. Parents will love you.
  • If you even begin to feel slightly sick at work or at school, think Ferris Bueller. Better safe than sorry.
  • Avoid flying, especially in coach. Upgrade to First Class where you can minimize contact with scads of runny-nosed peeps – plus the free booze they give you will kill all kinds of nasty germs.

    This may prove to be a tad expensive – 3 or 4 times the coach fare. And that, my friends,  is nothing to sneeze at.

BarbBestHumor

 WTF?    $1239?  I’ll use a different credit card – Warren Buffet’s.

Do you have any flu prevention tips? Sharing is caring.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Weekend Funny 5

7 Sep

It’s hot! Molly Campbell has a funny new book out “Characters In Search of A Novel.” Get it HERE

The New Yorker: Test Your Fashion I.Q. with Paul Rudnick

Hilarious post “Stuff People Say To New Moms” by “occasional optimist” Laura at Stroller Parking Only

Mental Floss: “17 Euphemisms for SEX From The 1880s” by Adrienne Crezo.  Clever!

Loretta LaRoche and “The Power of Humor” by Dr. Mehmet Oz at Oprah.com

BarbBestHumor

 

 

 

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

I Feel Your “Back To School” Pain

5 Sep

According to top Health and Wellness Coaches Debbie Schroeder and Lynn Smith in their report 10 ENERGY ZAPPERS and How To Eliminate Them,

“Watching TV can lead to fatigue. The rapid cuts and edits shift your orienting response into overdrive, which leads to fatigue.”  Phooey, I say!

What causes fatigue? Working a job in your kid’s classroom!

It’s elementary, my dear room mother

backtoschool

Dear Ms. Yokelclinger,

I’m happy as Planter’s Punch you are my kid’s teacher this year. I look forward to working like a dog breaking labor laws volunteering tirelessly in the classroom. After a seemingly endless summer keeping my kids entertained, hydrated, fed, culturally stimulated, lathered with sunscreen, and blooming like buttercups, I’m really thrilled to tears to be your complete and total slave parent helper.

Because I am deliriously dedicated to my child’s education, I will be on call 24-7 should you need anything. I love to stay up ’til 4:00 a.m. doing my own work so during the day I can organize your friggin’ field trip to the friggin’ moth museum, construct the goat cart for the Kwanzaa harvest, and cook 15 dozen gluten-free, apple crumb cupcakes for Earth Day.

How precious it is that you observe so fully every idiotic holiday known to mankind and that you do it via artsy fartsy crafting. Martha Stewart would be proud of your intent, but disapproving of the grossly inferior quality you inspire.

Because I’m not fully satisfied by the joy of supervising my kids’ tedious home work, running migraine-inducing carpools, making “healthy” lunches my kids won’t chuck in the nearest dumpster, snack preparation, clothing coordination, and insisting upon occasional baths… I give myself to you.

As your unpaid assistant, I will not expect any perks, nor will my child receive any special privileges like a pass on a particularly pesky pop quiz or those God-awful push-ups in gym class. I will not, for a moment, resent your generous benefits, union protections, plum pension, or the ultimate gift – the gift of time – yes, every summer off.

If for some reason you can’t reach me (say, around mid-November or early December), I’ll be in Rehab.

Warm Fuzzies,  Your Dutiful Room Parent

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Enhanced by Zemanta

A Study Guide for Your Middle School Kid Who Rocks!

28 Aug

Back to school. Exciting. Bittersweet. Often overwhelming.

This may help.

Students

 

Based on my experience…

Your kid doesn’t need a “Tiger Mom” to berate or shame him or her into being a good student.

They don’t need to be workaholics or spend all their time on homework, test prep, calculus or – God forbid – the violin!

All they need is a desire to succeed, positive motivation, respect, common sense and solid advice from a student who’s been there and done that – recently.

Help your kid!  Help yourself!

I recommend this down-to-earth study guide from Princeton University graduate Suzanne Raga in an easy to read and entertaining eBook.

*You can buy the eBook for $4.99 at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

http://yourockbook.wordpress.com/

FUNNY!   About (Late) Last Night: ‘Tiger Mother’ Amy Chua defends herself to Stephen Colbert [Video].

Enhanced by Zemanta

20 Tips From My Teen

21 Aug

Tina Fey‘s 5 year old daughter Alice says crazy funny things all the time. She’s constantly cracking Tina up. How cute!

Did I say… she’s five?

As daughters become older, they become increasingly brutal entertaining and wise – especially with their advice.

parenting

 

Tips From My Teen

  •   Lose the Carol Brady haircut.
  •   Nothing dates you more than saying “groovy.”
  •   Don’t chat with the grocery store cashier like she’s a long lost BFF.
  •   Don’t pay for HBO. Watch TV on your computer for free.
  •   Chill.
  •   Ordering hummus in a restaurant is wrong on many levels.
  •   No matter how whimsical you feel, leave the glitter eye shadow to Disney Pop Stars.
  •   Don’t respond to a text message right away – it looks desperate.
  •   “The Beatles” is a lousy name for a band. Get over it.
  •   Too much make-up on 5 year olds and 50 year olds is equally as scary.
  •   Chill.
  •   If you slept with JFK or Warren Beatty, I DON’T want to hear about it. I don’t even know who Warren Beatty is.
  •   Baggy pants make you look like OMG you’re wearing a diaper.
  •   Don’t panic if you can’t understand WTF your laptop is doing.
  •   Study a texting dictionary (online) of acronyms so you understand the “newfangled” lingo.
  •   Coddling the cat/dog like he’s a human child strikes many as needy.
  •   Stop with the Viva Viagra jokes. It’s LOL pathetic.
  •   Anyone seriously considering an eyebrow transplant is much older than they think they are.
  •   Sudoku is no substitute for a real hobby like windsurfing or limbo skating.
  •   Chill.

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Enhanced by Zemanta