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Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams 🙂

Books on Amazon

 

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

14 Mar

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

Hand washing or hand wringing

2 minutes x 30 times = 1 Hour a Day

Are you sick of standing at the sink scrubbing your hands for two minutes at a clip?

Do surgeons envy your disinfecting skills?

Is all this cleaning becoming a tad tedious?

Has the whole world gone OCD?

“Better safe than sorry!”

Barb Best Humor

Hand Washing -- 7 Ways to Have More Fun

  • Recite the Greek alphabet -- backwards

 

  • While soaping up, video yourself naked and post to YouTube

 

  • Sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong -- or scream

 

  • Count the number of toilet paper rolls and Purell squeeze bottles you have hoarded in the last week

 

  • Meditate, chew gum, blow bubbles, hum

 

  • Cry over all of the awesome sports events and concerts you’ll miss in the next month

 

  • Do squats, lunges and buttock-lifting exercises while washing -- oh, what fun!

~ Stay Healthy ~ 

5 Flu Prevention Tips for Hypochondriacs & Moms

≈

Funny Woman Celebrated: Judy Garland

7 Feb

Funny Woman

Judy Garland was very funny!

Watch the movie JUDY for the laughter as well as for the pathos and the singing.

 

“People always thought I was funny. I was never funny.

You know who was truly funny? Judy Garland.

Judy Garland was funny.

She made me look like a mortician.” 

Lucille Ball

[…]

Millennials: 7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

18 Jan

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

Millennials

We love to tease our sweet, mindful millennials.

Especially because we parents nurtured and raised them to be the transcendent humans they are!

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

 

7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

  • You sneezed and it isn’t allergy season. This acute onset of respiratory symptoms could be flu germs attempting to attack your immune system.  A morning nap, a healing foot massage and a toasty burrata taco is just what the doctor ordered.

~ Stay Home

  • You stubbed your toe. If not attended to, this could develop into a chronic pain syndrome – then where would your career be? Think long-term.

~ Stay Home

  • You feel sort of dizzy this morning and you don’t think it’s the pitcher of Piña Coladas you ingested at your gender reveal party last night. It could be benign positional vertigo, but let’s not take a chance.

~ Stay Home […]

Leftover Halloween Candy: Come On, Be Creative!

5 Nov

Sweet!

Leftover Halloween Candy Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leftover Halloween Candy – Holiday Curse or Blessing?

Okay, you bought enough fertilizer-size bags of Halloween candy to feed an army of carpenter ants, but

… WHAT?

Only five lousy kids came to your door trick or treating…

and two of those were your own?

[…]

Work & Retirement: All You Really Need to Know

14 Sep

Retirement for workaholics?

It happens!

Sort of.

Work Retirement Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When a Type-A workaholic retires from his or her long standing employment,

 

No matter the age,

 

New life skills must be learned… especially when one is married.

[…]

Mother’s Day: What NOT To Give Your Mother

9 May

The Gift of Mother’s Day

Hurrah!

Another “holiday” full of hype, unrealistic expectations, and expense.

Plus loads of gifting pressure.

Because we all know that, whatever she says, gifts are Mom’s love language.

Here are a few tips to assist you in giving well, and perhaps, clinching favorite child status.

Mother's Day Gifts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What NOT To Give Your Mother

  • GRIEF – Don’t get arrested, crash your car, post a sex tape, or kill your brother (it’s her kid!). At least, not today.

[…]

Genetic Testing for Traits We Really Want To Know About

7 Sep

Testing… 1 – 2 – 3… Testing

Barb Best Humor Blog Traits We Really Want to Know

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is available at-home genetic testing for likely traits such as cilantro aversion, earwax type (wet? dark-colored? sticky? Gross!), photic sneeze reflex (whatever that is), asparagus odor detection, and unibrow.

Seriously, do you need a DNA test to confirm your hair color (unless you actually can’t recall your original color) or remind you that you can smell asparagus in your pee?

Traits We Really Want To Know If We’re Carrying

  • Smart Ass gene
  • Propensity to drown in credit card debt
  • Pathological Liar
  • Lucky in love

[…]

Are You Still Kidding Me? Stacey Gustafson’s New Humor Book

22 Aug

Are You Still Kidding Me?

Ever finish your kid’s homework? Netflix cheat on your husband? Try to explain Alexa to your mother?

If so, you’re not alone—Stacey Gustafson’s back at it again with Are You Still Kidding Me?

Are You Still Kidding Me humor book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Highly Relatable Stories

In this hilarious and heartwarming sequel to her #1 Amazon bestseller Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, Gustafson tackles the foibles of modern family life—from toddlers and teens to empty nesters—with wry wit and plenty of humor.

The Self-Care You Crave

Grab a cup of coffee, ease into the easy chair, and be prepared to laugh out loud along with Stacey—she may not be your new best friend, but you’ll feel like she is by the time you’ve finished these forty-five stories of family life, written by a mother who’s seen it all.

Your New BFF

Author Stacey Gustafson

Stacey Gustafson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

BOOK NEWS! Find Your Funny ~ 2nd Edition

6 Jul

Book News: Find Your Funny 2nd Edition

GOOD NEWS!

Please welcome our little bundle of book joy. We have a second edition.

Find Your Funny: The Humor Survival Guide 2nd Edition

Available just in time for summer reading that is fun and helpful

For ages 12 and up – and for adults who are young at heart

Book News: Find Your Funny 2nd Edition

 

 

 

ON AMAZON 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The quintessential book on the importance of humor in our lives.”

– Larry Wilde, New York Times Best Selling Author of How The Great Comedy Writers Create Laughter and Great Comedians Talk About Comedy

****

“The activities are creative and playful. The information is amusing and transformative. This isn’t a “Have To” book. This is a “Want To” book.”

– Jim Winter, Educator & Founder of Wavelength. Inc.

Book News: Find Your Funny 2nd Edition

 

2nd Edition

Paperback version with black and white illustrations

 

 

 

 

 

 

Special price $9.99

On Amazon exclusively 

CLICK HERE 

Thank You!  Enjoy the Summer!