Barb Best

Parents Offer Advice: Naughty & Nice

Parents! What are you teaching your children?

As the holidays ding-a-ling-ling and ho-ho-ho themselves

into our hearts and psyches…

let’s take a moment to reflect 🙂

Random Advice from Parents

• If you look at your phone screen 50 hours everyday, you will get eye stroke!

Eye stroke exists…  https://bit.ly/36OPGl9

• Don’t bathe in sequins, glitter or anything shiny that can lodge itself in your nether regions.

Naughty news: Woman bathes in glitter…  https://bit.ly/38UmwD2 

• Robots are not your friend.

Wacky robot hotel admits its bedside cameras could have exposed guests to peeping hackers…

https://bit.ly/35M2V6l

• Don’t gulp your food. Chew it 22 times before swallowing, especially if it’s a chunky smoothie.

• Warning: Don’t run with scissors, X-ACTO knives or chainsaws. If you must run, run away from the wolves.

• Caution: “He/She/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender” who laughs last… and needs the joke explained to “Him/Her/Them/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender“… may be suffering from a concussion. Consult a doctor or Google.

• Among other things, life is a full-time job.  Nice work if you can get it – even if it doesn’t always pay well.

Holiday stress… this, too, shall pass.

Humor Books Available on Amazon

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Holiday Food Binge: Death by Fruitcake

Want to die doing what you love? Eating!

How about binging on the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Fruitcake Binge

Like ukulele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

Sweet!

Leftover Halloween Candy – Holiday Curse or Blessing?

Okay, you bought enough fertilizer-size bags of Halloween candy to feed an army of carpenter ants, but

… WHAT?

Only five lousy kids came to your door trick or treating…

and two of those were your own?

[…]

Doom and Doomer

Is the world in crisis? Doomed?

Is it careening toward complete death and destruction?

Are you worried about the future of your children, grandchildren, and young pets?

Apocalypse Anxiety

Are you in a frantic funk?  Devoid of hope?

May I suggest some doomsday therapy.

Watching music videos of Iconic Sixties Tunes will ironically help you feel better.

No Kidding

You think it’s bad now…

Guess what?

… it’s always bad 🙂 […]

Retirement for workaholics?

It happens!

Sort of.

[…]

THINK RHYMES WITH STINK

Do you think about something too much or for too long?

Overthinking will cast a dark cloud on your sunny song.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Thinking, for many, is hard labor.

And overthinking can be downright debilitating.

NO WORRY

Love this quote from cartoonist, editor, and author Bob Mankoff

Humor is the antidote… […]

Thoughts While Waiting for a Colonoscopy

Sooner or later, we all have this medical procedure done.

My thoughts

My colonoscopy

• At least I get to lie down for awhile. I could use a nap. Too bad it takes an invasive medical procedure and an I.V. propofol drip to cop a snooze. Michael Jackson, I feel your pain.

• The slit in the back of this gown is rather stylish. Perhaps a new fashion trend? Maybe the holes in jeans are in the wrong places.

[…]

Meetings

Can you die of boredom?

Death certificate will read: Cause of death – Meetings!

“She was hanging in there pretty well, but then a meeting did her in.”

Moi

Sure, I look alert and interested in this HOA meeting.

I’ll bet my faux expression of keen attention is fooling the overbearing board members and those oddly perky neighbors sitting next to me.

If it weren’t for the rampant yawns, the tears streaming down my face, and the occasional uncontrolled giggling – they’d have not a clue that I’m bored silly.

Thoughts While Sitting at a Meeting

•  OMG I’d rather be antiquing in Provence… or even Poughkeepsie.

[…]

Love Thy Neighbors

Like family, we don’t choose them.

A wonderful neighbor is a blessing and a friend.

A crazy neighbor is a curse from hell.

[…]

Weird & Wonderful NEWS from Around the World

Pain-free News: Isn’t that all we ask?

Medical Fluke

Woman who feels NO PAIN is scientific marvel…
https://tiny.iavian.net/s0vx

But she can still complain if she feels like it.

[…]