Archive | Humor RSS feed for this section

Colonoscopy: Thoughts While Waiting for One

15 Aug

Thoughts While Waiting for a Colonoscopy

Sooner or later, we all have this medical procedure done.

humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My thoughts

My colonoscopy

 

  • At least I get to lie down for awhile. I could use a nap. Too bad it takes an invasive medical procedure and an I.V. propofol drip to cop a snooze. Michael Jackson, I feel your pain.

 

  • The slit in the back of this gown is rather stylish. Perhaps a new fashion trend? Maybe the holes in jeans are in the wrong places.

 

  • The Cleanse Colon Prep – they should market it as a weight loss diet. I must have lost 7 pounds yesterday.  Paleo Phooey!

 

  • So many hoses – or are they tubes? Ugh.  New meaning to YouTube.  NO way – I am NOT subscribing to the Colonoscopy Channel!

 

  • Jeez, I could use a good drink.

 

  • If I look down and see large red shoes on any of these “medical providers” – I AM OUT OF HERE!  NO SH*T!

 

  • I cannot fathom why some (older) folks actually dress up for a doctor’s appointment, let alone a medical procedure focused on the rectum. Then again, maybe I’m just a contrarian slob entrenched in California Casual.  Flip Flops Forever!

 

  • This can’t hurt more than the prep. It’s probably why they make the prep such a nightmare. Maybe give us propofol for the prep?

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

Meetings: Thoughts While Dozing at an HOA Meeting

1 Aug

Meetings

Can you die of boredom?

Death certificate will read: Cause of death – Meetings!

“She was hanging in there pretty well, but then a meeting did her in.”

 

Boring Meetings Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moi

Sure, I look alert and interested in this HOA meeting.

I’ll bet my faux expression of keen attention is fooling the overbearing board members and those oddly perky neighbors sitting next to me.

If it weren’t for the rampant yawns, the tears streaming down my face, and the occasional uncontrolled giggling – they’d have not a clue that I’m bored silly.

Bored in a Meeting Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts While Sitting at a Meeting

  •  OMG I’d rather be antiquing in Provence… or even Poughkeepsie.

[…]

Neighbors to Love: 7 Posts from Next Door

19 Jul

Love Thy Neighbors

Like family, we don’t choose them.

Neighbors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A wonderful neighbor is a blessing and a friend.

A crazy neighbor is a curse from hell.

nosy neighbors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

News to Amuse: Weird, Wonderful and Wild

7 Jun

Weird & Wonderful NEWS from Around the World

Pain-free News: Isn’t that all we ask?

Medical Fluke

Woman who feels NO PAIN is scientific marvel…
https://tiny.iavian.net/s0vx

But she can still complain if she feels like it.

[…]

Shop ’til You Drop, Buy ’til You Cry

24 May

Shop ’til You Drop, Buy ’til You Cry

Is the Consumerism vs. Minimalism dilemma naggin’ at your noggin?

Shop 'til you drop, Consumer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After all, there is so much stuff, yet so little time, money, and space.

Is consumer debt dragging you down?

Stuff

Are you drowning in stuff?

Do you dream of a dumpster rental to solve your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mess?

Are you feeling compelled to tidy up?

Dying to spark joy? […]

Mother’s Day: What NOT To Give Your Mother

9 May

The Gift of Mother’s Day

Hurrah!

Another “holiday” full of hype, unrealistic expectations, and expense.

Plus loads of gifting pressure.

Because we all know that, whatever she says, gifts are Mom’s love language.

Here are a few tips to assist you in giving well, and perhaps, clinching favorite child status.

Mother's Day Gifts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What NOT To Give Your Mother

  • GRIEF – Don’t get arrested, crash your car, post a sex tape, or kill your brother (it’s her kid!). At least, not today.

[…]

Fake Vacations: Is the Unposted Life Worth Living?

28 Apr

Life…

Life Unposted Fake vacations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The examined life is worth living.

The documented life is worth living.

But is the publicized life worth living?

Fake or Real?

Life publicized is posted on social media with text, images, and/or video for the universe to see.

It’s all out there – the good, the bad, and the boring.

The mundane and the meaningless.

The real and the fabricated.

[…]

Life Hacks for April National Humor Month

29 Mar

LIfe Hacks for April National Humor Month

You know you need them!

National Humor Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live a Better Life Already

7 Trendy Tips to Up Your Game

  • How to get a pedicure when you’re wearing an ankle monitoring bracelet (and not electrocute yourself).

 

  • Using duct tape on pimples and fever blisters. (Don’t worry that you’ll never get it off)

 

  • Diet tips to motivate you and your fat dog. (Does not involve duct tape)

 

  • Take a power nap in the refrigerator. Boosts metabolism. Increases zest for life (and brain freeze).

 

  • Learn 501 ways to tie a scarf. Renews creativity. (Includes 499 ways you’ll never wear)

 

  • For sugar cravings, suck on mint dental floss. (Surprisingly satisfying if you’re on a 3-day fast)

 

  • Did you know? In a pinch, dental floss doubles as a cuticle clipper. (Impress your fancy friends at a dinner party with this life hack)

 

April National Humor Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want more joie de vivre? Join us on Twitter and Pinterest 🙂

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

Mindless Thought For The Day: LIFE IS…

Humor Book with Heart: Dave Barry’s LESSONS FROM LUCY

15 Mar

Looking for a humor book with heart?

All is not lost.

Dave Barry has a new book coming out on April 2nd

Humor

It’s a delightful mix of humor, self-help, and a happy dog…

What’s not to love?

LESSONS FROM LUCY: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog

Dave Barry book Lessons from Lucy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Dave on tour!

Preorder on Amazon

Barb Best Humor Dave Barry Book

 

 

 

My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

March the Month: Do you Feel the Joy?

1 Mar

March the Month: Do you Feel the Joy?

March is the month God created to show people who don’t drink what a hangover is like.

– Garrison Keillor

March the Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The third month of the year.

It’s not winter.

It’s not spring – and it’s definitely not summer.

March is many things. It is NOT a day at the beach.

Hail Caesar

Beware the Ides of March.

It should be on antidepressants.

It’s a gruelling time defined by spring cleaning, facing your dreaded taxes, springing ahead yet losing an hour, clearing the emotional and physical clutter and cobwebs of winter. It has all the warmth of a broken kite. […]