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Immunity: 7 Ways to Boost Your Immunity Right Now!

7 Aug

Immunity: 7 Ways to Boost Your Immunity Right Now!

Boost Your Immunity

What to do when there’s a health crisis of biblical proportions?

Beef up your defenses. Build your resistance. Bolster your gut health.

There’s no better time than a global pandemic to boost your immunity!

BTW it’s also a dandy time to write your will and ditch your boring diet.

 

Immunity Boosters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Predatory invaders – whether they be Covid-19, flesh-eating bacteria, or the good ole stand-by chicken pox – want your body.

 

Hacks from Quacks

You can UP your immunity by employing a strategy involving medicinal (barf) food, habits of hardship and dubious herbal supplements.

 

Immunity Boosters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUN Health Advice

  • Practice safe socializing! Wrap yourself in layers of bubble wrap before interacting with any live humans. This prophylactic will protect you and them. God knows you have enough packing materials from the Amazon Prime buying binges you’ve been on.

 

  • Nothing says social distancing like garlic and onions on your breath, in your hair, seeping out of the pores of your sallow skin. Load up on the bitter bulbs and people will keep their distance.

 

  • Don’t forget. A spoonful of sugar helps the foul smelling kimchi and fetid apple cider vinegar go down. And by “spoonful” I mean “cup.”

 

  • Warning. Expensive immunity-boosting supplements may leave a hole in your wallet and your Sigmoid Colon.

 

  • Intermittent fasting will build your tolerance for suffering and deprivation. Germs respect that. So suck it up.

 

  • Splurge on scads of Vitamin A, B, C and D. Now I know my ABC’s…

 

 

  • Walk around holding an umbrella 24-7. This will catch any viral droplets hanging over your head.

 

  • Bonus! Tend to your mental health. If necessary, paint the interior of your home a soothing Aqua and pretend you live in a spa by the sea.  Namaste.

 

Oh Health: A Pop Quiz

 

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

 

Joke or Jerk? Sometimes a Joke is Just a Joke

16 Jul

Joke Lighten Up

Lighten Up!

In defense of kind-hearted humor

 

Joke Lighten Up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No kidding!

Sometimes a joke is just a joke.

And not a deliberate manipulation, power play, micro aggression, political attack or intended personal offense.

A Joke is just a Joke

Image taken from a University of Alabama site, “Approaches to Modernism”: [1], Fair use

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funny

Sometimes a jest, a quip or a pun is not a Freudian slip – but merely a leap at silliness, a feeble attempt at levity, a verbal slide on a banana peel.

Amazon Jokes Freud

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like almost everything else in this imperfect world, sometimes comedy is really dumb,

but…

Laughter and Play

can bring people closer together and unite them.

Lighten Up Jokes

 

 

 

 

 

Positive humor

Take a flight into whimsy,

a playful swing at fun,

a flirtation with optimism,

a respite from burdensome reality.

Laughter can be the best (if not the cheapest) medicine.

 

Learn more about applied and therapeutic humor…

AATH Humor

 

The Association for Applied & Therapeutic Humor 

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Humor Academy

The Humor Academy

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Free Laughs

 

 

I Started A Joke * Puddles Pity Party

 

Books to Lighten Up Your Summer: 7 Enjoyable Ones

2 Jul

BOOKS!

Perhaps some good reads will save us from the Summer of Slog.

BarbBestHumor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So many books and so much time. Enjoy!

 

These books can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness by Ingrid Fetell Lee

Joy is all around us.

Joyful

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Madwoman and the Roomba: My Year of Domestic Mayhem by Sandra Tsing Loh

Hilarious!

Lighten Up Summer humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laugh Lines: My Life Helping Funny People Be Funnier by Alan Zweibel

Insightful.

Summer Reads Laugh Lines

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Less (Winner of the Pulitzer Prize): A Novel by Andrew Sean Greer

Entertaining.

Less Pulitzer Prize

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Story I Am: Mad About the Writing Life by Roger Rosenblatt 

Interesting.

Summer books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preaching Punchlines: The Ten Commandments of Comedy by Susan Sparks

Thoughtful and funny.

Summer Laughs comedy book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Themes and Variations by David Sedaris

Weird funny.

David Sedaris humor book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Company 🙂

Goodreads 

Books

Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams 🙂

Books on Amazon

 

April Fools Sh*t Show: National Humor Month

1 Apr

April Fools Sh*t Show: National Humor Month

Welcome to the April Fools Sh*t Show

OMG. A pandemic!

And you thought the worst thing about April would be paying your taxes?

 

April Fools Pandemic

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case we all missed it, National Humor Month is here.  Whoopee!

How to celebrate?

How ’bout a month of lock-down, confinement with family and pets (if you’re lucky), unparalleled gut-wrenching anxiety, and mindless navel gazing?

A Sh*tstorm

is “a very unpleasant or difficult situation.”

Ah, don’t you love British understatement?

Patience

Remember – “April showers hitting the fan may bring May flowers and nagging allergies.”

Amusement & Good News

It’s high time to add some amusement to the misery.

Check out John Krasinski and his Good News

 

 

Look, ma! Disney Amusement Park rides on YouTube! And no lines!

 

Be patient and don’t become a patient.

News to Amuse – 7 Items that Won’t Stress You Out

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

14 Mar

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

Hand washing or hand wringing

2 minutes x 30 times = 1 Hour a Day

Are you sick of standing at the sink scrubbing your hands for two minutes at a clip?

Do surgeons envy your disinfecting skills?

Is all this cleaning becoming a tad tedious?

Has the whole world gone OCD?

“Better safe than sorry!”

Barb Best Humor

Hand Washing – 7 Ways to Have More Fun

  • Recite the Greek alphabet – backwards

 

  • While soaping up, video yourself naked and post to YouTube

 

  • Sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong – or scream

 

  • Count the number of toilet paper rolls and Purell squeeze bottles you have hoarded in the last week

 

  • Meditate, chew gum, blow bubbles, hum

 

  • Cry over all of the awesome sports events and concerts you’ll miss in the next month

 

  • Do squats, lunges and buttock-lifting exercises while washing – oh, what fun!

~ Stay Healthy ~ 

5 Flu Prevention Tips for Hypochondriacs & Moms

Flying Coach: 7 Sobering Realities of Air Travel

1 Mar

Air travel

Flying coach.

No leg room.

Narrow seats.

Contagions in the air.

You know you love it.

Flying Coach Humor

 

Bring all of your baggage, that is…

except your anxiety, impatience and negativity.

Leave home without them.

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7 New Realities of Flying

  • Surgical masks shall be worn at all times – their single purpose being to spook the hypochondriac sitting next to you.

 

  • Caution. Traveling with a pet under your seat in the cabin will not satisfy your need for in-flight entertainment. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Ear and nose plugs highly recommended.

 

  • No matter how cute, your emotional support miniature horse is not permitted to give pony rides to toddlers in the aisle. Nothing interferes with the important business of mile-high soft drink and pretzel delivery. Not even a viral video opportunity.

 

  • New FAA rule: All babies qualify as emotional support animals and shall fly for free.

 

  • While slogging through security, there will be no joking! Especially about da bomb you are hiding in your oddly heavy carry-on bag.

 

Flying Coach Travel Tips

 

  • If you are a gentleman of advanced age and your prostate is the size of a giant lemon, please pay for an aisle seat. It’s unseemly for us to interrupt our Netflix binging and get up every fifteen minutes so you can waddle to the restroom. No lemonade for you, sir.

 

  • I don’t know what your travel issue is, but the answer is most likely Benadryl.

 

Air travel is not for sissies. You may as well laugh.

 

 

 

Funny Woman Celebrated: Judy Garland

7 Feb

Funny Woman

Judy Garland was very funny!

Watch the movie JUDY for the laughter as well as for the pathos and the singing.

 

“People always thought I was funny. I was never funny.

You know who was truly funny? Judy Garland.

Judy Garland was funny.

She made me look like a mortician.” 

Lucille Ball

[…]

Millennials: 7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

18 Jan

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

Millennials

We love to tease our sweet, mindful millennials.

Especially because we parents nurtured and raised them to be the transcendent humans they are!

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

 

7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

  • You sneezed and it isn’t allergy season. This acute onset of respiratory symptoms could be flu germs attempting to attack your immune system.  A morning nap, a healing foot massage and a toasty burrata taco is just what the doctor ordered.

~ Stay Home

  • You stubbed your toe. If not attended to, this could develop into a chronic pain syndrome – then where would your career be? Think long-term.

~ Stay Home

  • You feel sort of dizzy this morning and you don’t think it’s the pitcher of Piña Coladas you ingested at your gender reveal party last night. It could be benign positional vertigo, but let’s not take a chance.

~ Stay Home […]

Worry Warts: What to Kvetch About in 2020

5 Jan

What to Worry About in 2020

Do you worry?
Just in case you need some assistance in thinking up fresh new things to worry about…
I am at your service.
Worry Warts Humor

 

I overthink. I fret. I ruminate. Yes, I engage in tireless philosophical inquiry – so you don’t have to.
Here is my list for the new year.
Knock yourself out!
Enjoy!

 

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New Year, New Worries, Anxieties, and Fears

 

  • Porch Pirates  Beware, Matey – even if you don’t have a porch. BTW this is a shadow industry of Amazon Prime.
  • Gluten-free everything
  • World War III
  • THE election
  • Your friends are going all Marie Kondo on you.  So much for “Shop ’til You Drop” trips to the Mall.
  • Boomers are blowing their retirement savings on pot, hips, and knees
  • Alien abductions caught on doorbell cams
  • Wood-inspired flooring   Knock on wood. Is there a shortage of real wood?
  • You don’t have the new iPhone and you never will.
  • Neo-tribal tattooing
  • Fake food like bone broth oatmeal, collagen-spiked mocktails, celeriac kombucha tacos,  and plant-based faux cheese burgers.  Hold the fries.  Better yet, hold your nose.
  • You don’t own a single slice of Apple stock  🙁

 

worry warts new year humor

 

Bonus * Insights for 2020

  • The ink that is no longer being used to print books… now appears in the humongous tattoos on your neighbor’s humongous ass.
  • Suggested names for the next Kardashian baby: “Kash” “Ka-Ching” “Kitschy”
  • Again, who needs resolutions when you have worries?