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Mother’s Day Gift Suggestions for Badass Moms

21 Apr

Mother’s Day is soon.

Forget the sappy lace cards, the lazy texts, the half-baked brunches, and the lame flowers!

How ’bout a cutting edge gift from the gut that your badass mom can really enjoy?

Badass Moms Barb Best Humor

7 Mother’s Day Gifts for Badass Moms

  • Matching tattoos. What a great bonding experience for Mommy and the little ones. Yes, there will be tears, but this is your legacy. How sweet!  You and your kids will flash the same toxic ink image for the rest of your lives.

 

  • A trip to the archery range. Nothing says “Urgent Care” like a bow and arrow in virgin hands. Who needs a Glock 43 when you are adept with lethal projectiles? You’ll score a bullseye to Mom’s heart with this thoughtful gift.

 

  • A bumper sticker for her Harley that says:  “HONK if You’re a MUTHA!”

 

  • A Louisiana Swamp Vacation, complete with reptile pool games and alligator wrestling. No toddlers allowed.

 

Mother's Day Gift Suggestions for Badass Moms

 

  • A wine I.V. for the Mom who loves getting together with her gal pals for rowdy dinners, book clubs, and PTA meetings.

 

  • All stylish moms love jewelry.  Here’s some bling with bite for the Cool Mom. Get mom a gold tooth or two! Get up in her grill with some happening Hip Hop fashion jewelry. Smile!

 

Badass Moms Barb Best Humor

 

  • If Mom is a guy, how ’bout a gift certificate for electrolysis, back waxing, or cupping? After all, pain is the gift that keeps giving.

 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! 

 

Words With Moms

Funny Mom Flicks 4 Mother’s Day

New Year 2018: Questions & Concerns

3 Jan

Happy New Year!   May this year be your BEST ever 🙂

 

2018HappyNewYear

 

Questions & Concerns

What is weighing heavy on your mind this new year?

So many issues of substance and style – must the world be so worrisome?

 

New Year 2018: Questions and Concerns

My Nagging Questions & Concerns

 

  • Flannel bedding – why such a controversial issue?

[…]

The Holidays! Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome?

14 Dec

Holidays

The holidays are upon us

Yay! and Ugh!

The Holidays are Here Barb Best

 

‘Tis the season to be harried

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

‘Tis the season to be melancholy

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Holiday Humor Barb Best

 

Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome YET?

[…]

Chocolate Krispy Kreme & Coffee: My Eclipse Party

17 Aug

As far as I’m concerned, it’s always time for chocolate and coffee.

Krispy Kreme

and a Total Solar Eclipse?

Sounds like an excuse to partay!

I’m ready. And I’m going to the dark side.

 

Krispy Kreme Chocolate Eclipse

“Dark” as in…

coffee and chocolate, of course.

[…]

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

21 Jul

SUBJECT: Playing Hooky  Goofing Off  Planned Absences

TO:  Kyle Flicker

General Manager

Misery Productions

Los Angeles, CA

Dear Boss: Planned Absences

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Flicker,

I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.

  • My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.

 

  • I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.

[…]

Nuts and Dogs and Cats

26 May

Wondering. Does this warning include…

 

Barb Best Humor Nut Allergy

 

Nutjobs?

If only.

Alert the powers that be! Peanut warnings should include “nutjobs.”

Weekend Fun

Over 22 million people have seen this funny dog cat video. Why not you?

 

 

See you on Twitter. I’m @Habarb

Want a fun read? Check out The Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody

Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want

12 May

With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.

English: Mother's Day card

English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

[…]

Safety First: 7 Spring Break Safety Tips for Snowflakes

14 Apr

Spring is here.

Whoopee.

It has stopped snowing.

Whoopee.

The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]

Hello: Eleven Reasons Why

17 Feb

Hello

So much email, so many phone calls, too many texts… too little time.

 

BarbBestHumor

 

So Why Haven’t I Returned Your Emails, Calls, and Texts in 5 Weeks?

Hello! It’s challenging to muster the same sense of urgency to email, call, text responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching The Tennis Channel.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails, calls, texts either 🙂 […]

Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake

Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

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