Archive | Holidays RSS feed for this section

Nuts and Dogs and Cats

26 May

Wondering. Does this warning include…

 

Barb Best Humor Nut Allergy

 

Nutjobs?

If only.

Alert the powers that be! Peanut warnings should include “nutjobs.”

Weekend Fun

Over 22 million people have seen this funny dog cat video. Why not you?

 

 

See you on Twitter. I’m @Habarb

Want a fun read? Check out The Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody

Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want

12 May

With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.

English: Mother's Day card

English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

[…]

Safety First: 7 Spring Break Safety Tips for Snowflakes

14 Apr

Spring is here.

Whoopee.

It has stopped snowing.

Whoopee.

The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]

Hello: Eleven Reasons Why

17 Feb

Hello

So much email, so many phone calls, too many texts… too little time.

 

BarbBestHumor

 

So Why Haven’t I Returned Your Emails, Calls, and Texts in 5 Weeks?

Hello! It’s challenging to muster the same sense of urgency to email, call, text responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching The Tennis Channel.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails, calls, texts either ๐Ÿ™‚ […]

Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake

Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

How To Have A Homicide-Free Holiday

22 Nov

 

Thanksgiving with the family?

We all agree a homicide-free holiday is nice.

Don't talk Politics

MY TIPS

  • Don’t talk politics.

 

  • Respect your family members’ feelings… even if they are obviously stupid, illogical, and batsh*t crazy.

 

  • Don’t talk politics.

[…]

Stressed? 5 Reasons YOU Are Stressed Out

14 Oct

You are stressed out. You are worried. You are miserable.

You are not alone ๐Ÿ˜€

Barring a terrorist attack, cataclysmic global economic collapse, or tainted Halloween candy, October is usually a fairly innocuous month.

But not this October.

 

Stressed?

Squeeze!

Reason #1. Did you notice? UGH. It’s an election year.

[…]

Summertime Blues: Heat Stroke from Deep Summer Thoughts

4 Aug

 

Do you have the summertime blues?

Are you feelin’ the heat – or worse yet – the humidity?

Have you been out in the scorching summer sun too long?

 

Summertime Blues

 

Deep Summer thoughts while contemplating the sand between my toes

  • Do we really need Canine Intelligence Tests? This doggie competition has gone too far – I saw a “My Border Collie is smarter than your Cocker Spaniel” bumper sticker on a tricycle. Can’t we all agree? Dog breeds… they are ALL gifted.

[…]

Why I Haven’t Responded to Your Email in 2 Weeks

12 Jul

 

So much email, so little time.

Why Haven’t I Returned Your Email in 2 Weeks?

Procrastination is not personal.

Trust me. It’s not you, it’s me.

Sometimes it’s just difficult to conjure up the same sense of urgency to email responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching the Wimbledon finals.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails either ๐Ÿ™‚

Other Reasons for My Slow Email Responses

  • Memory clutter. Hiring a cleaning crew to come in and dust my dendrites.

 

  • Lost in the throes of a summer romance with frozen Yasso Greek Yogurt Coffee Chocolate Chip bars.

[…]

Summer Fun: You’re All Wet

1 Jul

 

Summer Fun = Playing in Water

 

Summer Fun: You're All Wet

Credit: iStock

 

A few thoughts on Water Fun

 

  • The wacky noodle water toy is neither an effective weapon nor a successful flotation device. However, it makes a tasty appetizer for sharks. BTW… you are the main course.

 

  • A life vest is not slimming.ย  If you wear one, you will resemble a pregnant marshmallow. However, it beats getting all wet and drowning in the ocean.

[…]