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Do The Thanksgiving Math

20 Nov

 

Home Is Where The Wine Heart Is

Thanksgiving = 2 Much Food 4 Most Every 1

From The New York Times by Tara Parker Pope:

“The commonly cited statistic is that the average American will consume more than 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving Day alone. That’s according to the Calorie Control Council,”

Calories Schmalories!  Who’s counting anyway?

SO GLAD I REFUSE TO BE AVERAGE!!!  4500 calories?  Sum 1 isn’t trying very hard!

* Happy Thanksgiving to all *

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Health & Humor

7 Nov

Feeling stressed?

Battered by Frankenstorm?

Fatigued from all the election hullabaloo?

I feel your pain. Laughter will soothe you, and maybe get you through November’s other Fun Fest – “open enrollment” for health insurance.

Here is a collection of humor on health by a bunch of entertaining comedy writers that will cheer you up!

I have an essay in it called “Your Recent Stay With Us.” It concerns a hospital stay. You will relate.

 

HumorAnthology

Fun! Fun! Fun!

 

The ebook is available on Amazon for $2.99 – do it for your health.

 

MyMajorMedical

 

Your liver and your pancreas will thank you.

 

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

 

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Weekend Funny 5 Spooky News

26 Oct

No news is good news…

Warnings after chipmunk diagnosed with plague

By AP News  Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Convulsing chipmunks! I always knew camping was bad for you.

 

82-year-old woman suing Trader Joe’s after a can of tuna hit her in head

The New York Post By KATHIANNE BONIELLO   Posted: October 21, 2012

Was it something she said?

 

Drunk Shopping: Are You Guilty of SUI (Shopping Under The Influence)?

The Huffington Post  |  By     Posted: 10/26/2012 8:23 am EDT

Friends don’t let friends drink and click.

 

How clever is this T-Shirt? I love Mental Floss!

 

The Putin ad (that came before the Lena Dunham‘s “The First Time”)

Cool or creepy?

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sleep Hotel

23 Oct

Do you get enough sleep?

If you don’t, I feel your pain.

Poor Michael Jackson.  All he wanted was a darn nap.

In my endless pursuit of more and better quality sleep, I have a new fantasy which involves Cyprus and a five star hotel.

Yes – that Cyprus!

THE Sleep Hotel

 

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5 Flu Prevention Tips for Hypochondriacs & Moms

9 Oct

Are you a Worry Wart? A Grade A Hypochondriac? Or just a Mom Who Cares?

Afraid of getting the flu this year? Of course you are!

I feel your pain.

5 Flu Prevention Tips JUST for YOU!

 

  • Don’t shake hands with anyone. Pretend you’re Japanese and bow humbly from a distance.
  • Don’t touch elevator buttons, escalator handles, stair railings, or any of your kid’s clothing (especially shirt sleeves as they are SO often used as Kleenex) WITH YOUR HANDS. This will require you to be creative AND limber.
  • Bubble wrap your toddler on play dates. Also limits collateral damage of all sorts. Parents will love you.
  • If you even begin to feel slightly sick at work or at school, think Ferris Bueller. Better safe than sorry.
  • Avoid flying, especially in coach. Upgrade to First Class where you can minimize contact with scads of runny-nosed peeps – plus the free booze they give you will kill all kinds of nasty germs.

    This may prove to be a tad expensive – 3 or 4 times the coach fare. And that, my friends,  is nothing to sneeze at.

BarbBestHumor

 WTF?    $1239?  I’ll use a different credit card – Warren Buffet’s.

Do you have any flu prevention tips? Sharing is caring.

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7 Health Questions You Need To Know the Answer to NOW

2 Oct

TRUE or FALSE:

 

1. It’s not good to eat foods you can’t pronounce. So avoid stuff like quinoa, shitakes, bok choy, and radicchio.

 

2. A banana makes a perfectly fine antacid.  Peel first.

 

3. Doctors suggest you sniff rosemary to boost your memory and sharpen your test-taking skills. However, ask Rosemary first. “No” means “No Way, Jose!”

 

4. Garlic is the new black. Wear it liberally to boost your immunity, especially against communicable diseases.

 

5. Get a daily massage. It may not improve your health, but it sure feels great.

 

6. For severe digestive upsets, soak naked in zucchini hummus ’til you reek of body odor for a week. Works every time.

 

7. Duct tape works nicely to eliminate bulbous pimples and unsightly warts. Apply on eyes. Also effective for ear dandruff and nose eczema.

 

All are true. Would I lie?

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Weekend Funny 5 More Signs Death Is Near

28 Sep

5 More Signs “Death” Is Near!

1.  Location. Location. Location. You are reclining in a cozy donut pool float, gloriously buzzed on Jamaican rum cocktails, drifting in the balmy blue Caribbean… but a hungry shark has a hankering for your pricey, dutifully applied 70 SPF face lotion.

2.  Politics. You’ve stopped screaming like a banshee at the election year coverage on the cable news channels.

3.  Loss of thirst for your favorite wine, Chateau St. Jean French Chardonnay. Say it ain’t so.

4.  Sex. You no longer consider vaginal rejuvenation a viable option.

5.  Money. Compulsive couponing has lost its charm. You really can’t take that extra 15 cents with you? Damn.

7 Signs Death Is Near

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

HARO My Answer To A Stupid Vagina Question

12 Sep

Inspired by Naomi Wolf‘s controversial book, “Vagina: A New Biography,”

this is a real question from Monday’s HARO (Help A Reporter Out):

“Do You Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Vagina?” (Frugivore)

My response:

Thank you for asking! This is a question dear to my heart, “in-ny” belly button, and G Spot.

Oh yes, my vagina and I enjoy many lovely times together. We walk on the beach, we contemplate beautiful sunsets, we share moonlit dinners on the Palazzo. My goodness, we even shower together on a regular basis (wink, wink).

We rarely have cross words, however once a month things can get a little touchy. You know what I mean.

But most of the time, my vagina has a terrific sense of humor.  Why when I’m down, she makes me laugh.  She lifts me up.

Geez, the most awe-inspiring time we had was when we gave birth together! Wow! Hard to top that.

Maybe my vagina will write a memoir some day.  She’s actually quite gifted.  The title can be: “Vaginas Just Wanna Have Fun.”

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

More stupid questions – and stupid answers at stupidasssquestions.com

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A Study Guide for Your Middle School Kid Who Rocks!

28 Aug

Back to school. Exciting. Bittersweet. Often overwhelming.

This may help.

Students

 

Based on my experience…

Your kid doesn’t need a “Tiger Mom” to berate or shame him or her into being a good student.

They don’t need to be workaholics or spend all their time on homework, test prep, calculus or – God forbid – the violin!

All they need is a desire to succeed, positive motivation, respect, common sense and solid advice from a student who’s been there and done that – recently.

Help your kid!  Help yourself!

I recommend this down-to-earth study guide from Princeton University graduate Suzanne Raga in an easy to read and entertaining eBook.

*You can buy the eBook for $4.99 at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

http://yourockbook.wordpress.com/

FUNNY!   About (Late) Last Night: ‘Tiger Mother’ Amy Chua defends herself to Stephen Colbert [Video].

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Weekend Boomer Funny 5

24 Aug

5 Quickies… Aging is fun.  Here’s to your health!

What do you think of the name of this vitamin for boomer women 50+

Barb Best Humor

 

“Alive!”   Guess the one for women 60+ is called “Barely Alive?”

And the vitamin for 70+      “Alive & Kicking”

80+      “Lucky to be Alive”

90+      “More Dead than Alive”

Boomer News Baby!

And I thought I had a caffeine problem… A woman kills her husband with a coffee cup. Rather resourceful, but ouch. ABCNEWS 

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