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Everything I Know About Sex… I Learned From My Cat

24 Oct

 

I was going to pontificate here upon how Justin Bieber is influenced by Nietzsche‘s views of women, but who cares?

EVERYTHING I Know About SEX & ROMANCE I Learned From My CAT…

 

Kenyon Cox, Nude study, 1896, Kenyon Cox was a...

Kenyon Cox, Nude study, 1896, Kenyon Cox was a strong advocate of figurative art. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Stake out your territory and stand firm.
  • A sense of mystery adds to your allure.
  • If it feels good, purr and vibrate.
  • Holding a loved one close and feeling his/her beating heart is romantic as long as your arm/leg/brain hasn’t gone numb.
  • Seafood is not a bad aphrodisiac. […]

Meditation for Morons

11 Oct

 

Hmk_Confections

Woo Hoo! Hallmark Cards will contact our lucky winner and mail her a jumbo stash of cool cards. Thank you everybody!

Antique Himalayan bowls (text taken from accom...

Antique Himalayan bowls (text taken from accompanying text at Singing bowl) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

MEDITATION NO-NO’s

1.  Do not chew gum even if it is all natural, organic, and sugar-free. […]

Need Sleep? 7 MORE Tips!

27 Sep

 

We all need sleep. Especially before we die.  And when there’s nothing left to watch on TV or YouTube.

7 MORE Tips!

Credit:BarbBest

 

1 – Don’t eat an additional large meal after dinner or for two hours before going to bed. This will make your evening so boring, you’re more likely to nod off.

2 – Flush your cell phone down the toilet. I know… blasphemy!

3 –  Don’t let the cat nap during the day – at all.  This is a biggie. Perhaps caffeine in the catnip?

4 – A day chock full of multi-tasking can fray your nerves. Picture a pinball machine on steroids… that’s your brain. Chewing gum and (insert ONE activity) is the only good multi-tasking option.  (TIP: Chewing gum and flossing – not a good choice.)

5 – Family members can be noisy. Fake a business trip and go to a hotel.  This can prove to be expensive. […]

I Feel Your Back To School Pain

30 Aug

 

According to top Health and Wellness Coaches Debbie Schroeder and Lynn Smith in their report 10 ENERGY ZAPPERS and How To Eliminate Them,

“Watching TV can lead to fatigue. The rapid cuts and edits shift your orienting response into overdrive, which leads to fatigue.”  Phooey, I say!

What causes fatigue? Working a job in your kid’s classroom!

It’s elementary, my dear room mother

backtoschool

Dear Ms. Yokelclinger,

I’m happy as Planter’s Punch you are my kid’s teacher this year. I look forward to working like a dog breaking labor laws volunteering tirelessly in the classroom. After a seemingly endless summer keeping my kids entertained, hydrated, fed, culturally stimulated, lathered with sunscreen, and blooming like buttercups, I’m really thrilled to tears to be your complete and total slave parent helper.

Because I am deliriously dedicated to my child’s education, I will be on call 24-7 should you need anything. […]

A Public Service Announcement*

16 Aug

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The following is a public service announcement*

#######

It happens.  You know you’ve had too much to drink if…

  1. You’re tweeting celebrities who have notorious anger management issues.
  2. You put your bra on backwards.
  3. You go on an online shopping spree, but don’t enjoy it.
  4. You click on the TV remote to answer your cell phone.
  5. You propose to the cat.
  6. You mistake the coat closet for the bathroom.
  7. You’re considering hiring a pain coach – for your family members.

* Not really.  Just kidding.

Happy Hour ain’t always so happy, but it can be funny.

Carrie Fisher in “Wishful Drinking” – Hilarious!  http://youtu.be/9JdRV3kEl1I

 

CLOWN sensitivity training-intended to sensitize people to their attitudes and behaviors that may unwittingly cause offense to others

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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7 Tips – How To Be Miserable

9 Aug

Deja Vu…

Woe is me.

As relationship expert and best-selling author Margaret Paul, PhD. writes at HuffPost Healthy Living, “While life is often challenging, lonely and heartbreaking, misery is a choice.”

HERE ARE MY 7 TIPS  – HOW TO BE REALLY  MISERABLE

  • Wear Spanx underwear daily, preferably in a size too small.  (Guess what? It’s ALL a size too small.)
  • Read, listen to, or watch The News. This applies especially to anything remotely political.  (Ugh. It’s ALL political.)
  • Deprive yourself of chocolate before noon.  (Cocoa Puffs were created for a reason.) […]

7 Emails I May Never Read

23 Jul

 

It’s dang hard to write a great comic novel, detox digitally, do a Chardonnay cleanse, or get a life when there’s so much intriguing stuff to read.

Photo Credit: Barb Best

Photo Credit: Barb Best

 

 

 

 

 

7 Emails I Really Must Get Around To Reading Sooner or Later… But NOT Right Now or Tomorrow… Okay, Maybe NEVER:

Actual SUBJECT HEADINGS sitting like festering couch potatoes in my email lunch box:

1 – The surprising history of the pencil (Brain Pickings) […]

Women Gone Hog-Wild

16 Jul

Rumor has it this post is sponsored by Amberen

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Traditionally, much has been made of men and their competitive spirit via sports, business, politics, sex, and money. 

If men could menstruate, it would be a series on ESPN. […]

Escape From New York

10 Jul

I Heart NYC?

I Heart NYC?      

 

No place epitomizes the American experience and the American spirit more than New York City.

– Michael Bloomberg

I have a love-hate relationship with NYC.  I lived there for years and still spend a good deal of time there now.  Once a New Yorker, always a New Yorker.

It’s a crazy, yet amazing place. Sometimes it is amazing in it’s sheer lunacy. It’s grand and impressive, yet the quality of life can seem fundamentally impoverished at times.  It’s heroic.  It’s tough and romantic. It’s never boring. The people are legendary.  They got chutzpah and pluck out the wazoo.  The city ain’t for wimps.

My daughter, fresh out of college, has lived there for the past two years. To survive and master living in Manhattan is often a tribute to one’s resilience.     manhattanmovie_medium

Here are some of the challenges encountered (the ones I know about, that is):

  • Triple-digit heatwaves with humidity thicker than your average politician.  Humidity should be classified a WMD.
  • An earthquake.  WTF?
  • A tropical storm with near gale force winds while working a music festival. Made Woodstock look like Kiddie Craft Camp.
  • A hurricane. Sandy brought a week without power, cell phones, internet service, and heat. However, this also presented a rewarding opportunity to help others in the community.
  • A terrorist plot to blow up the NYC subway system. […]

Affirmations for the Miserable

19 Jun

Happy

Happy

 

Affirmations should not be just for the lucky lighthearted souls among us or for those busy bees tediously aspiring to be oh, so merry.

How about some AFFIRMATIONS for the rest of us?

OM…

  • My joints ache with every new sunrise.    OM…
  • I nourish my inner curmudgeon.    OM…
  • I am one with trash TV.    OM…
  • The dog does not think highly of me. I languish in his disappointment.   OM…
  • Chocolate is my only friend.    OM… […]