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Alligators and Social Distancing: Advice for the Ages

15 May

Alligators social distancing advice humor

Social Distancing with Alligators – A Little Advice

“Laughter may be the closest distance between two people

BUT

the shortest distance between two people and an alligator is

no laughing matter.”

 

May 1 – A tipsy woman dies in a fatal gator attack while attempting to get up close and personal with the big boy.

You know the instructions on plastic bags (“This is not a toy”) and boxes of mothballs (“Not a snack. Do not eat”)?

Perhaps alligators need a large flashing neon sign around their necks – “Caution! Do not cuddle!”

 

Close to You

While extreme social distancing with Granny, Pops, Mom, the cranky neighbor next door, and (of course) your teenager – hey, why not gators, too?

 

See you later (how about never) alligator

social distancing alligators humor

 

Happy Hour can turn from “Fun to F*#!ed” faster than potato salad at a picnic in the park.

Do people have to be told?

 

  • Don’t drink and dive into a swamp – or try to pet an alligator.

 

  • Swimming is excellent exercise, but not when you’re being eaten by an alligator.

 

  • Please no selfies with ravenous reptiles!

 

Alligators social distancing advice humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MATING SEASON

“Alligators begin courting in early April, while mating occurs in May and June.”
  • How sweet… do you think I’m sexy?

 

  • I have great teeth, don’t I? Like my smile?

 

  • I’ll take you do dinner. That Corgi on the long leash looks tasty.
  • Maybe a terrible two’s foot for brunch tomorrow?
  • Or a seasoned senior enjoying a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

 

When courting, reptiles have increased appetites and a need to show off in front of potential conquests.

Social distancing with alligators humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fudging the numbers

Like shark attacks off the Florida coast, they are very rare…
but who’s counting?

 

Be careful reaching for that golf ball

Woman attacked while playing golf

 

See You Later Alligator… Or Is It Crocodile?

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-a-Crocodile-and-an-Alligator

 

Alert Bracelets for The Rest of Us

I’ll see you on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and Goodreads and – who knows – in your dreams or my dreams 🙂

Books on Amazon

 

Rx Comedy Tonight: A Respite from Pandemic Misery

15 Apr

Rx Comedy Barb Best

Rx Comedy Tonight: A Respite from Pandemic Misery

Comedy Tonight Barb Best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comedy. Laughter. Humor.

Take as often as needed.

No costly doctor’s appointment -- in the flesh or virtual -- required.

No adverse side effects -- not even the usual ones -- nausea, headache, constipation, diarrhea, kleptomania, heart attack, tennis elbow, diarrhea, flat foot, droopy eye, dandruff, diarrhea and death.

And -- best of all -- you can’t overdose on laughter.

Great List ~ Best Comedies to Stream on Netflix ~ Mental Floss

If your time or attention span is short, just watch the trailers for some laughs.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/622691/best-comedies-to-stream-on-netflix

 

Comedy Tonight Barb Best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Classic Cat Mental Health Video

This video is especially funny during these days of isolation and existential angst.

You know you want to laugh.

 

 

“Comedy Tonight ” with Jason Alexander

 

 

A funny thing happened on the way to the pandemic. We maintained our sense of humor 😀

Humor links

https://www.barbbest.com/links/

 

BOOK NEWS! Find Your Funny ~ 2nd Edition

Smiles To Go! The World Needs A Smile

Please support The Association of Applied Therapeutic Humor  and The Humor Academy 

 

April Fools Sh*t Show: National Humor Month

1 Apr

April Fools Sh*t Show: National Humor Month

Welcome to the April Fools Sh*t Show

OMG. A pandemic!

And you thought the worst thing about April would be paying your taxes?

 

April Fools Pandemic

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case we all missed it, National Humor Month is here.  Whoopee!

How to celebrate?

How ’bout a month of lock-down, confinement with family and pets (if you’re lucky), unparalleled gut-wrenching anxiety, and mindless navel gazing?

A Sh*tstorm

is “a very unpleasant or difficult situation.”

Ah, don’t you love British understatement?

Patience

Remember -- “April showers hitting the fan may bring May flowers and nagging allergies.”

Amusement & Good News

It’s high time to add some amusement to the misery.

Check out John Krasinski and his Good News

 

 

Look, ma! Disney Amusement Park rides on YouTube! And no lines!

 

Be patient and don’t become a patient.

News to Amuse -- 7 Items that Won’t Stress You Out

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

14 Mar

Washing Your Hands All Day? 7 Ways to Break the Boredom

Hand washing or hand wringing

2 minutes x 30 times = 1 Hour a Day

Are you sick of standing at the sink scrubbing your hands for two minutes at a clip?

Do surgeons envy your disinfecting skills?

Is all this cleaning becoming a tad tedious?

Has the whole world gone OCD?

“Better safe than sorry!”

Barb Best Humor

Hand Washing -- 7 Ways to Have More Fun

  • Recite the Greek alphabet -- backwards

 

  • While soaping up, video yourself naked and post to YouTube

 

  • Sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong -- or scream

 

  • Count the number of toilet paper rolls and Purell squeeze bottles you have hoarded in the last week

 

  • Meditate, chew gum, blow bubbles, hum

 

  • Cry over all of the awesome sports events and concerts you’ll miss in the next month

 

  • Do squats, lunges and buttock-lifting exercises while washing -- oh, what fun!

~ Stay Healthy ~ 

5 Flu Prevention Tips for Hypochondriacs & Moms

Millennials: 7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

18 Jan

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

Millennials

We love to tease our sweet, mindful millennials.

Especially because we parents nurtured and raised them to be the transcendent humans they are!

Millennials Too Sick to Go To Work

 

7 Signs You’re Too Sick to Go to Work

  • You sneezed and it isn’t allergy season. This acute onset of respiratory symptoms could be flu germs attempting to attack your immune system.  A morning nap, a healing foot massage and a toasty burrata taco is just what the doctor ordered.

~ Stay Home

  • You stubbed your toe. If not attended to, this could develop into a chronic pain syndrome – then where would your career be? Think long-term.

~ Stay Home

  • You feel sort of dizzy this morning and you don’t think it’s the pitcher of Piña Coladas you ingested at your gender reveal party last night. It could be benign positional vertigo, but let’s not take a chance.

~ Stay Home […]

Parents Offer Advice: 7 Naughty & Nice Tips

21 Dec

Parents Offer Advice: Naughty & Nice

Parents! What are you teaching your children?

As the holidays ding-a-ling-ling and ho-ho-ho themselves

into our hearts and psyches…

let’s take a moment to reflect 🙂

 

Naughty Nice Pearls of Wisdom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Random Advice from Parents

 

  • If you look at your phone screen 50 hours everyday, you will get eye stroke!

Eye stroke exists…  https://bit.ly/36OPGl9

 

  • Don’t bathe in sequins, glitter or anything shiny that can lodge itself in your nether regions.

Naughty news: Woman bathes in glitter…  https://bit.ly/38UmwD2 

 

Naughty Nice Parental Advice Funny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Robots are not your friend.

Wacky robot hotel admits its bedside cameras could have exposed guests to peeping hackers…

https://bit.ly/35M2V6l

 

  • Don’t gulp your food. Chew it 22 times before swallowing, especially if it’s a chunky smoothie.

 

  • Warning: Don’t run with scissors, X-ACTO knives or chainsaws. If you must run, run away from the wolves.

Parental Advice Funny Books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Caution: “He/She/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender” who laughs last… and needs the joke explained to “Him/Her/Them/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender“… may be suffering from a concussion. Consult a doctor or Google.

 

  • Among other things, life is a full-time job.  Nice work if you can get it – even if it doesn’t always pay well.

 

Holiday stress… this, too, shall pass.

 

Parental Advice humor books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humor Books Available on Amazon

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Binge on Holiday Food: Death by Fruitcake

7 Dec

Holiday Food Binge: Death by Fruitcake

Want to die doing what you love? Eating!

How about binging on the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake Binge

Like ukulele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

Leftover Halloween Candy: Come On, Be Creative!

5 Nov

Sweet!

Leftover Halloween Candy Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leftover Halloween Candy – Holiday Curse or Blessing?

Okay, you bought enough fertilizer-size bags of Halloween candy to feed an army of carpenter ants, but

… WHAT?

Only five lousy kids came to your door trick or treating…

and two of those were your own?

[…]

Doom & Doomer: Therapy Music Videos

16 Oct

Doom and Doomer

Is the world in crisis? Doomed?

Is it careening toward complete death and destruction?

Are you worried about the future of your children, grandchildren, and young pets?

Doom and Doomer Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apocalypse Anxiety

Are you in a frantic funk?  Devoid of hope?

May I suggest some doomsday therapy.

Watching music videos of Iconic Sixties Tunes will ironically help you feel better.

No Kidding

You think it’s bad now…

Guess what?

… it’s always bad 🙂 […]

Amuse the News: Give Me Funny not Infuriating!

2 Oct

Not all news is a nightmare designed to give you an ulcer.

Read all about it!

Amuse the News

If you boycott current events for merely a day,

you will miss amazing, funny stories like these special ones I have curated

just for you. 🙂

 

News to Amuse Cheese Funny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Say Cheese

New York Post

Shrewd 9-year-old fills lip balm tube with cheese to eat in class 

With stories like this, I am no longer worried about today’s youth.

Kid is clever. So what if the teacher is lactose intolerant?

I would plead “I have legal rights! This is my therapy cheese.”

Lesson learned. Don’t leave home without your cheese.

*** […]