According to the World Health Organization (WHO as in Dr. Who) pandemic fatigue is expressed by demotivation in adhering to “protective” orders, hopelessness and alienation.
Baby boomers, Millennials, Gens X, Y and Zers – all ages suffer from this malady.
Ironically, it causes exhaustion from not doing stuff.
We are tired of this.
Rumor has it PF is more contagious than Covid itself.
Regression Anybody?
A QUIZ FOR YOU
Are You Suffering from PF OR Are You A Three-Month-Old Feral Baby?
I wear stained clothes everyday.
I take five naps a day.
I suck my shirt sleeve and gaze into the abyss.
I startle and screech when the dog barks.
I bawl my brains out uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
I let a few big, stinky ones rip while I drink my lunch.
I vomit my breakfast in the car on the way to pick up an antidiarrheal and a crate of Chux.
I curl up in a fetal position and grab my feet.
I suck my toes.
I babble to the cat.
I suck my fingers and stick them in the nearest electrical outlet.
I cry for mommy. I cry for daddy. I cry for the Amazon Prime delivery person.
If you answered “No” to 1-12 questions, you’re a baby! Goo Gaa!
If you answered “Yes” to 1-12 questions, you have a bad case of PF AND you’re a big, fat baby!
Either way, you will grow stronger from this nightmare and smile someday.
Pandemic fatigue sucks.
HO HO HO!!!
IT’S DECEMBER – DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR MASK of JOY IS?
THE ONLY SELF-HELP GUIDE YOU WILL NEED FOR THE NEW YEAR!
THE MISERY MANIFESTO – A MONTH-TO-MONTH SURVIVAL GUIDE
Due to Covid, we are (duh) spending a helluva lot more time at home.
Surprise! Many people tell me they are dying of boredom.
To put it bluntly, they are in a rut.
The Cambridge Dictionary
World-Weary
Someone who is world-weary is not enthusiastic about anything, often because they have had too much experience of a particular way of life.
Boredom is Dumb
What am I doing to pass the time? To keep intellectually stimulated, emotionally engaged and (more or less) awake?
Oh, and not bored.
A few examples:
Installing a wine window in my home office. Salut!
Experimenting with at-home mole removal. Ouch.
Teaching my pet duck to straighten up and fly right. What can I say, he has issues.
Tweaking that decadent rum cinnamon pecan caramel bun recipe. Practice makes perfect.
Woo hoo! Going craft crazy. Etsy beware! Don’t miss my elegant skeleton nipple jewelry and my one-of-a-kind pumpkin glitter art decoupage. Busy hands are happy hands.
Giving Fitbit a run (actually a walk) for its money. Come all, join the Fitbit cult of Stepford spouses. Ho hum Step, Ho Hum Step, Ho Hum Step. Zzzz Step. Zzzz Step. Zzzz…
Toilet training the cat. So what if he’s nine years old? It’s never too late to embrace baseless optimism.
the eccentric, reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes –
you will not only be successfully distanced…
people will stay clear away from you!
Image Wikimedia Commons
DO IT LIKE HOWARD!
Wash your hands 15 times a day – so what if you’re wearing gloves? You don’t need a pandemic to be Mr. Clean.
Wear Kleenex box hats. Nothing like protective headgear to make you feel safe and sound. And much more stylish than a tin foil cap.
Only bed busty actresses and only have sex with them once, then gorge yourself for months on their housekeeper’s baked goods – while they fantasize about marrying you and helping you handle your filthy millions.
Image Wikimedia Commons
Grow foot-long, curly fingernails that put Elvira to shame.
What to do when there’s a health crisis of biblical proportions?
Beef up your defenses. Build your resistance. Bolster your gut health.
There’s no better time than a global pandemic to boost your immunity!
BTW it’s also a dandy time to write your will and ditch your boring diet.
Do You Think I’m Sexy?
Predatory invaders – whether they be Covid-19, flesh-eating bacteria, or the good ole stand-by chicken pox – want your body.
Hacks from Quacks
You can UP your immunity by employing a strategy involving medicinal (barf) food, habits of hardship and dubious herbal supplements.
FUN Health Advice
Practice safe socializing! Wrap yourself in layers of bubble wrap before interacting with any live humans. This prophylactic will protect you and them. God knows you have enough packing materials from the Amazon Prime buying binges you’ve been on.
Nothing says social distancing like garlic and onions on your breath, in your hair, seeping out of the pores of your sallow skin. Load up on the bitter bulbs and people will keep their distance.
Don’t forget. A spoonful of sugar helps the foul smelling kimchi and fetid apple cider vinegar go down. And by “spoonful” I mean “cup.”
Warning. Expensive immunity-boosting supplements may leave a hole in your wallet and your Sigmoid Colon.
Intermittent fasting will build your tolerance for suffering and deprivation. Germs respect that. So suck it up.
Splurge on scads of Vitamin A, B, C and D. Now I know my ABC’s…
Walk around holding an umbrella 24-7. This will catch any viral droplets hanging over your head.
Bonus! Tend to your mental health. If necessary, paint the interior of your home a soothing Aqua and pretend you live in a spa by the sea. Namaste.
And not a deliberate manipulation, power play, micro aggression, political attack or intended personal offense.
Image taken from a University of Alabama site, “Approaches to Modernism”: [1], Fair use
Funny
Sometimes a jest, a quip or a pun is not a Freudian slip – but merely a leap at silliness, a feeble attempt at levity, a verbal slide on a banana peel.
Like almost everything else in this imperfect world, sometimes comedy is really dumb,
but…
Laughter and Play
can bring people closer together and unite them.
Positive humor
Take a flight into whimsy,
a playful swing at fun,
a flirtation with optimism,
a respite from burdensome reality.
Laughter can be the best (if not the cheapest) medicine.