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Cat Interview: Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

2 Dec

Cat Interview: Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

Whoa, Whoa! What’s New Pussycat?

Pussycat, Pussycat, I love you

Yes I do.

 

Cat Interview Pussycat Humor

 

* EXCLUSIVE *  Interview with My Cat

 

LOWLY HUMAN:  So, Cleo baby, what’s up Pussycat? Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!

CLEO:  Geez, I hate that song.  Stop with the “P-word!” Calling your divine Goddess the “P-word” – slang for female genitalia for God’s sake – is so uncouth.

LOWLY HUMAN:  You’ve got a point. We don’t call the dog “Dickie” – even though his name is Richard.

CLEO:  The ancient Egyptians were right. I am a Godly entity. I must be worshipped.

LOWLY HUMAN:  We’re not in Cairo anymore. “Youtube Video Star” is the greatest height you can achieve now.

CLEO:  You should be dressing me in gold and serving me Beluga caviar on your Lenox china.

LOWLY HUMAN:  I thought you liked Purina on paper plates.

CLEO:   Surely you jest.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Seen any cool birds in the backyard lately from your window perch on the sofa hump?

CLEO:  You call that a great view for a Goddess?  I think I need Lasik surgery.

 

Cat Interview Egypt cat Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goddess

 

LOWLY HUMAN:  BTW Thanks for not biting the heads off of lizards and disemboweling mice, then gifting me your trophy roadkill.

CLEO:  Thanks for not letting me out of the house for ten years. I think I have Stockholm syndrome.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Blame the vet for that edict. Oh, fierce protector of the family, it’s dog-eat-cat out there.

CLEO:  Remember. I may be morbidly obese, but I can still jump on your head and scratch your brains out.

LOWLY HUMAN:  Ouch. A pooch would never express such a sentiment.

Cat Interview Humor Pussycat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DOGS

 

CLEO:  Dogs are a dime a dozen. Lucy, Lucky, Skippy, Max.

(coughing)

I’m going to gag if I hear another dog called “Lucy.”  (cough cough)   Makes me wanna hack a hairball.

LOWLY HUMAN: Don’t be cranky, fab feline. I have fresh catnip and your favorite stick toy with the rainbow tassel.

CLEO:  Catnip?  The fresh stuff this time?  MEOW!

LOWLY HUMAN:  And maybe Santa Claws will bring you some peacock feathers.

CLEO:  Peacock feathers?!  The ones with the weird eyes?  MEOW!

LOWLY HUMAN:  When you’re in the mood, come sit on my lap or on my open laptop.

CLEO:  I’ll consider it… Rub my neck first.  And scratch under my chin. And kiss my whiskers.

MEOW. MEOW. MEOW.

 

Pussycat, Pussycat, I love you,

Yes I do!

 

 

Lyrics unlike Stephen Sondheim lyrics

Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat

7 Signs Your Cats and Dogs Are Gifted

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

1 Oct

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors Nextdoor

 

NEIGHBOR is defined as

One who lives near or next to another

A fellow human

A fellow human! This covers every imaginable sort of person of interest under the sun.

Every stripe and strain from “Miss Congeniality” to “FBI’s Most Wanted”

Saints, sinners, helpers,

Freaks, fools and tools,

Lovers and haters.

AND they are all on the online Nextdoor platform – the popular social networking service for neighborhoods.

Nextdoor seems to have an attraction for the “Karens” and the trolls.

 

Neighbors Nextdoor

Love Thy Neighbor

 

[…]

Face Masks Unused: Fun Things to do With Them!

1 Jul

unused face masks fun

You may still be wearing a face mask or not, but you likely have a bunch of unused ones sitting around.

And by a bunch I mean hundreds.

Time to clear the Covid clutter!

Repurpose those annoying fashion accessories.

unused face masks fun

 

 

Unused Face Masks: Fun Things to do With Them!

 

  • A stylish bikini bottom
  • Eye patch – you’re never too old to play pirate
  • A yamake that won’t blow off, “Look bubbe, no bobby-pins”
  • Butt floss
  • Cat toy
  • Makes a soft slingshot for the meek – no rocks, tearless contact with a projectile
  • A covid memory quilt consisting of all my stylish pandemic masks – call me sentimental 🙂
  • Contemporary art mobile

unused face masks fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • A gag for boomer Uncle Harry and his idiotic political rants
  • Just in case, you’re planning to rob a bank… a generic mask with no identifying personal info is recommended.

FACE IT

Save your unused masks for Covid variants and, of course, the next pandemic 🙁

SMILE 🙂

Freedom: My Dream Job is a Remote Job

1 May

My Dream Job is A Remote Job

Yippee Yay!

Now that I’m working my forever dream job remotely from home…

I am free!  Free at last!

Riding the Freedom Choo-choo

While collecting a chunky paycheck

And maintaining my life work play goof off balance.

 

Dream Job remote Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now That I Work Remote I Can…

 

  • Breastfeed my toddler twins fifteen times a day – each!  Ouch. Ouch.

 

  • Reach Level 8500 of Candy Crush Saga.  And you thought Skittles and M & M’s were addicting?

 

  • Score a load of laundered moolah in bitcoin trades. Too late?

 

  • Be a crypto consultant, day trader and night owl. Never too late.

 

  • Learn to play the saxophone while pretending to be in boring business meetings. So cool 🙂

 

  • Cook gourmet lunches for friends and family. Yum Yum.

 

  • Take my diva cat for lengthy acupuncture treatments and manicures while “working.” Wink, Wink!

 

  • Meet the neighbors. Why not?

 

  • Nap whenever I want! Like right now.

 

  • Have sex all day. They don’t call it Zoom for nothing.

 

  • Save money on gas, wheels, personal grooming and a presentable wardrobe.  I may look homeless, but I’ll be rich.

 

  • Every day, I can ditch the heels, Spandex and bra and wear my comfy clothes. Highly conducive to napping.

 

  • Experiment with acid and magic mushrooms before my annual job review.  Helps to focus? On what?

 

  • Go on vacation somewhere, anywhere, anytime.  The real goal!

 

Dream On!

 

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

Work & Retirement: All You Really Need to Know

Friends: Our Dubious Achievements of 2020

3 Jan

Friends: Our Dubious Achievements of 2020

While contemplating goals and intentions for the new year 2021 (yawn),

I asked pals, “What have I and/or you accomplished in 2020?”

 

Dubious Achievements friends

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prolific artistic output?  A thick, juicy novel ripe with creative breakthroughs?

A slew of wonderful new paintings — like 83 year old David Hockney?

After a totally non-scientific study and truly shallow analysis…

Ta Da!

[…]

Bored at Home? Fresh Ideas to Banish Boredom

2 Oct

Banish boredom at home

Are People Dying of Boredom?

Due to Covid, we are (duh) spending a helluva lot more time at home.

Surprise! Many people tell me they are dying of boredom.

To put it bluntly, they are in a rut.

 

Banish boredom at home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Cambridge Dictionary

World-Weary

Someone who is world-weary is not enthusiastic about anything, often because they have had too much experience of a particular way of life.

 

Boredom is Dumb

What am I doing to pass the time? To keep intellectually stimulated, emotionally engaged and (more or less) awake?

Oh, and not bored.

A few examples:

 

  • Installing a wine window in my home office. Salut!

 

  • Experimenting with at-home mole removal. Ouch.

 

  • Teaching my pet duck to straighten up and fly right. What can I say, he has issues.

 

  • Tweaking that decadent rum cinnamon pecan caramel bun recipe. Practice makes perfect.

 

Bored at Home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Woo hoo! Going craft crazy. Etsy beware! Don’t miss my elegant skeleton nipple jewelry and my one-of-a-kind pumpkin glitter art decoupage. Busy hands are happy hands.

 

  • Giving Fitbit a run (actually a walk) for its money. Come all, join the Fitbit cult of Stepford spouses. Ho hum Step, Ho Hum Step, Ho Hum Step. Zzzz Step. Zzzz Step. Zzzz…

 

  • Toilet training the cat. So what if he’s nine years old? It’s never too late to embrace baseless optimism.

 

Banish boredom at home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can’t be Bored While Laughing

 

 

 

World Weary

 

 

Dedicated to the Year 2020

 

Home Stuck Home? 7 Really FUN Things to Do Really!

Home Stuck Home? 7 Really FUN Things to Do Really!

2 May

Home Stuck Home?  7 Really FUN Things to Do Really!

Home Stuck Home

Quarantine at Home

Lockdown

House Arrest

Feeling stressed?

Of course you are!

Home Stuck Home Fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim.

Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.” 

― Ovid

 

7 REALLY FUN THINGS TO DO WHILE STUCK AT HOME

 

 

  • Think outside the breadbox. Don’t just bake bread or break bread – why not cake the bread?  Forget the flour and eggs.  Jack up the brown sugar, molasses, vanilla extract and cinnamon. Yum.

Homemade Cinnamon Bread

 

  • Study The Kama Sutra.  Surprise your spouse with a pop quiz.

 

  • Live-stream your cat’s DIY pedicure. Document his lack of cooperation and that unmistakable disdain in his eyes. Beware a cat scorned. Remember – there’s a big, fat “ME” in “MEOW.”

Home Stuck Home Fun Jest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Host a Virtual Pity Party. Drown yourself in cheap wine and sad clown music. Indulge.

 

  • Get pregnant or get another dog. Or both. The more the merrier. Misery loves company.

 

  • Learn How To Make People Laugh!

 

“Apart from paracetamol, laughter is still the best medicine. If you’ve always dreamed of performing at your local stand-up night, now’s the ideal time to hone those gags. Chicago’s legendary Second City Training Center may be closed, but it’s offering an expanded series of classes online covering everything from performing voiceovers to writing for TV. Most affordable, though, are its $25 drop-in improv and stand-up classes. Sign up and give those one-liners a test run.”

 

SMILE

 

For more FUN, see you on Pinterest!

 

Rx Comedy Tonight: A Respite from Pandemic Misery

15 Apr

Rx Comedy Barb Best

Rx Comedy Tonight: A Respite from Pandemic Misery

Comedy Tonight Barb Best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comedy. Laughter. Humor.

Take as often as needed.

No costly doctor’s appointment – in the flesh or virtual – required.

No adverse side effects – not even the usual ones – nausea, headache, constipation, diarrhea, kleptomania, heart attack, tennis elbow, diarrhea, flat foot, droopy eye, dandruff, diarrhea and death.

And – best of all – you can’t overdose on laughter.

Great List ~ Best Comedies to Stream on Netflix ~ Mental Floss

If your time or attention span is short, just watch the trailers for some laughs.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/622691/best-comedies-to-stream-on-netflix

 

Comedy Tonight Barb Best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Classic Cat Mental Health Video

This video is especially funny during these days of isolation and existential angst.

You know you want to laugh.

 

 

“Comedy Tonight ” with Jason Alexander

 

 

A funny thing happened on the way to the pandemic. We maintained our sense of humor 😀

Humor links

https://www.barbbest.com/links/

 

BOOK NEWS! Find Your Funny ~ 2nd Edition

Smiles To Go! The World Needs A Smile

Please support The Association of Applied Therapeutic Humor  and The Humor Academy 

 

Work & Retirement: All You Really Need to Know

14 Sep

Retirement for workaholics?

It happens!

Sort of.

Work Retirement Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When a Type-A workaholic retires from his or her long standing employment,

 

No matter the age,

 

New life skills must be learned… especially when one is married.

[…]

Neighbors to Love: 7 Posts from Next Door

19 Jul

Love Thy Neighbors

Like family, we don’t choose them.

Neighbors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A wonderful neighbor is a blessing and a friend.

A crazy neighbor is a curse from hell.

nosy neighbors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]