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Worry Warts: What to Kvetch About in 2020

5 Jan

What to Worry About in 2020

Do you worry?
Just in case you need some assistance in thinking up fresh new things to worry about…
I am at your service.
Worry Warts Humor

 

I overthink. I fret. I ruminate. Yes, I engage in tireless philosophical inquiry – so you don’t have to.
Here is my list for the new year.
Knock yourself out!
Enjoy!

 

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New Year, New Worries, Anxieties, and Fears

 

  • Porch Pirates  Beware, Matey – even if you don’t have a porch. BTW this is a shadow industry of Amazon Prime.
  • Gluten-free everything
  • World War III
  • THE election
  • Your friends are going all Marie Kondo on you.  So much for “Shop ’til You Drop” trips to the Mall.
  • Boomers are blowing their retirement savings on pot, hips, and knees
  • Alien abductions caught on doorbell cams
  • Wood-inspired flooring   Knock on wood. Is there a shortage of real wood?
  • You don’t have the new iPhone and you never will.
  • Neo-tribal tattooing
  • Fake food like bone broth oatmeal, collagen-spiked mocktails, celeriac kombucha tacos,  and plant-based faux cheese burgers.  Hold the fries.  Better yet, hold your nose.
  • You don’t own a single slice of Apple stock  🙁

 

worry warts new year humor

 

Bonus * Insights for 2020

  • The ink that is no longer being used to print books… now appears in the humongous tattoos on your neighbor’s humongous ass.
  • Suggested names for the next Kardashian baby: “Kash” “Ka-Ching” “Kitschy”
  • Again, who needs resolutions when you have worries?

 

Parents Offer Advice: 7 Naughty & Nice Tips

21 Dec

Parents Offer Advice: Naughty & Nice

Parents! What are you teaching your children?

As the holidays ding-a-ling-ling and ho-ho-ho themselves

into our hearts and psyches…

let’s take a moment to reflect 🙂

 

Naughty Nice Pearls of Wisdom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Random Advice from Parents

 

  • If you look at your phone screen 50 hours everyday, you will get eye stroke!

Eye stroke exists…  https://bit.ly/36OPGl9

 

  • Don’t bathe in sequins, glitter or anything shiny that can lodge itself in your nether regions.

Naughty news: Woman bathes in glitter…  https://bit.ly/38UmwD2 

 

Naughty Nice Parental Advice Funny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Robots are not your friend.

Wacky robot hotel admits its bedside cameras could have exposed guests to peeping hackers…

https://bit.ly/35M2V6l

 

  • Don’t gulp your food. Chew it 22 times before swallowing, especially if it’s a chunky smoothie.

 

  • Warning: Don’t run with scissors, X-ACTO knives or chainsaws. If you must run, run away from the wolves.

Parental Advice Funny Books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Caution: “He/She/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender” who laughs last… and needs the joke explained to “Him/Her/Them/They/Prefer not to identify with any gender“… may be suffering from a concussion. Consult a doctor or Google.

 

  • Among other things, life is a full-time job.  Nice work if you can get it – even if it doesn’t always pay well.

 

Holiday stress… this, too, shall pass.

 

Parental Advice humor books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humor Books Available on Amazon

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Overthinking Over & Over: It’s Hard Labor

2 Sep

THINK RHYMES WITH STINK

Do you think about something too much or for too long?

Overthinking will cast a dark cloud on your sunny song.

ThinkingHard Labor Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Thinking, for many, is hard labor.

And overthinking can be downright debilitating.

NO WORRY

Love this quote from cartoonist, editor, and author Bob Mankoff

Humor is the antidote… […]

Fake Vacations: Is the Unposted Life Worth Living?

28 Apr

Life…

Life Unposted Fake vacations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The examined life is worth living.

The documented life is worth living.

But is the publicized life worth living?

Fake or Real?

Life publicized is posted on social media with text, images, and/or video for the universe to see.

It’s all out there – the good, the bad, and the boring.

The mundane and the meaningless.

The real and the fabricated.

[…]

Humor Book with Heart: Dave Barry’s LESSONS FROM LUCY

15 Mar

Looking for a humor book with heart?

All is not lost.

Dave Barry has a new book coming out on April 2nd

Humor

It’s a delightful mix of humor, self-help, and a happy dog…

What’s not to love?

LESSONS FROM LUCY: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog

Dave Barry book Lessons from Lucy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Dave on tour!

Preorder on Amazon

Barb Best Humor Dave Barry Book

 

 

 

My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

Minimalism: Does it Spark Joy or Oy?

17 Jan

Minimalism: A few thoughts

First, the word “minimalism” – for God’s sake, it’s 10 letters and 5 syllables!

Why the #&!# not a shorter word…

… for a concept and practice that embodies simplicity and “less?”

Minimalism: Joy or Oy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you are one hot mess short of being a certified hoarder, minimalism may be the answer.

What Is Minimalism?

It’s a thriving movement. It promises the average packrat “joy” through simplicity.  […]

Holidays: ‘Tis the Season to Survive the Stress

14 Dec

Happy Holidays

Holidays and stress go together like eggnog and rum, like millennials and artisanal creameries, like politicians and lying.

Deck the halls with boughs and blabber
‘Tis the season to be grumpy,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tis the season to be jumpy,
Ha-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

A new study published in the British Medical Journal claims that your risk of heart attack is greatest on Christmas Eve and the following two days.

An excerpt from The Misery Manifesto,

the month-by-month survival guide…

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December * Holidays Are A Pain In the Aspirations

You’d like peace and quiet for the holidays. You want to relax. You want to stop and inhale the roses. You’re sadly optimistic on this count. […]

Lessons: Evacuating from an Active Wildfire Zone

30 Nov

There are many lessons to be learned when evacuating from an active wildfire zone.

Wildfire

“Wind’s in the East…mist coming in.

Like something is brewing, about to begin.

Can’t put my finger…on what lies in store, but I fear what’s to happen all happened before.”

– Bert in Mary Poppins

Dick Van Dyke Barb Best

 

 

Breathe

Remember to breathe!  But only with a N95 respirator mask so you can screen out hazardous gases such as carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, acrolein, and random farts.

Soot happens. You’ll likely resemble Dick Van Dyke as Bert the chimney sweeper in Mary Poppins.

[…]

Are You Still Kidding Me? Stacey Gustafson’s New Humor Book

22 Aug

Are You Still Kidding Me?

Ever finish your kid’s homework? Netflix cheat on your husband? Try to explain Alexa to your mother?

If so, you’re not alone—Stacey Gustafson’s back at it again with Are You Still Kidding Me?

Are You Still Kidding Me humor book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Highly Relatable Stories

In this hilarious and heartwarming sequel to her #1 Amazon bestseller Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, Gustafson tackles the foibles of modern family life—from toddlers and teens to empty nesters—with wry wit and plenty of humor.

The Self-Care You Crave

Grab a cup of coffee, ease into the easy chair, and be prepared to laugh out loud along with Stacey—she may not be your new best friend, but you’ll feel like she is by the time you’ve finished these forty-five stories of family life, written by a mother who’s seen it all.

Your New BFF

Author Stacey Gustafson

Stacey Gustafson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

Reading the News Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

29 Jul

Too much reading or watching the news is hazardous to your health.

Too much information, too much commentary will surely make you ill.

Reading News Is Hazardous

 

 

There should be a warning label on TV remotes:

“Watching TV cable news can be dangerous to your health.”

 

 

Forget opioid addiction – news junkies are now checking into rehab centers by the scores.

Take a break from breaking news!

Before your head explodes,

may I suggest some pleasure reading? […]