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La La Land June Gloom The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

10 Jun

An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorow?

In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.

In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.

However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”

The Endless Summer

JUNE GLOOM

According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)

“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”

Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”

June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.

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My First 100 Days: Lots of Crying

29 Apr

My First 100 Days

Enough about Trump. Here’s what I did in my first 100 days.  Whaaa!

Barb Besy Humor My First 100 days

  • Exited my mother’s womb with a ton of fanfare. Actually, it was a bloodbath. Pretty gross. Extremely exhausting for Mom and me. Couldn’t wait to get cleaned up and grab a nap. Whew.

 

  • Cried. There’s lots of crying in the first 100.

 

  • Slept, mostly in spurts of a few hours here, a few hours there. Similar to how I do now.

[…]

Safety First: 7 Spring Break Safety Tips for Snowflakes

14 Apr

Spring is here.

Whoopee.

It has stopped snowing.

Whoopee.

The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]

Video: How to Be Less Miserable in 39 Seconds

24 Mar

Parody = a humorously exaggerated imitation of (a writer, artist, or genre)

It’s time to have some fun with the self-help industry!

Available exclusively on Amazon http://amzn.to/2n8yaCF

 

 

Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody Book

17 Mar

 

Misery? It’s not merely a Stephen King novel.

Happiness? It’s not just a smiley face or an emoticon.

You don’t need another self-help book. They suck.

Instead, you need to laugh at your troubles. Kvetch and complain. Embrace the pain. Feel the joy.

Humor me…

My NEW humor book!!!  BUY HERE 🙂

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I Got Baggage: Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

4 Mar

WHY MY PURSE WEIGHS 50 FRIGGIN’ POUNDS

Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

After all, isn’t a purse just an enabler for mobile hoarders?

I suppose my purse/bag would be lighter if these items were not in it?

  • Multiple lipsticks, concealers,  mascara, a tiny make-up guy.
  • A Six-Pack of emergency water bottles – an absolute necessity for survival if stuck in traffic during a heatwave during a SIG alert during an earthquake during a heart attack during a hurricane during a nuclear attack during a tsunami during a…

[…]

Hello: Eleven Reasons Why

17 Feb

Hello

So much email, so many phone calls, too many texts… too little time.

 

BarbBestHumor

 

So Why Haven’t I Returned Your Emails, Calls, and Texts in 5 Weeks?

Hello! It’s challenging to muster the same sense of urgency to email, call, text responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching The Tennis Channel.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails, calls, texts either 🙂 […]

FEEL GOOD TIP: You Haven’t Got Time for the Pain

2 Feb

NoPainBarbBestHumor

 

Run-of-the-mill pain, angst, misery – it’s all relative.

One poor schlub’s kidney stone is someone else’s stubbed toe.

Many people claim to be miserable. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hurt?

Pain Scale Humor

Universal Pain Assessment Tool

 

Seriously: You don’t have to be totally free of pain to be 🙂 […]

New Year Goals for Slackers: Aim Low!

19 Jan

GOAL is a four-letter word

If you’re a proud slacker, you are most likely just now getting around to giving some (but not too much) thought to the dreaded New Year’s Goals and Resolutions.

I can help with this endeavor.

BarbBestHumorBlogGoals

Advice – you know you love it!

 

Here are a few goals you may want to add to your (no doubt) short list…

[…]

Alarm Clocks are Evil and Sleep is Divine

4 Jan

BarbBestHumorBlog

 

I hate alarm clocks, even the cute one on my iPhone.

They are about as comforting as jackhammers and leg cramps – and almost as jarring as a bugle blast in the face.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Must greeting the new day become a cortisol-pumping emergency? […]