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Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody Book

17 Mar

 

Misery?ย It’s not merely a Stephen King novel.

Happiness? It’s not just a smiley face or an emoticon.

You don’t need another self-help book. They suck.

Instead, you need to laugh at your troubles. Kvetch and complain. Embrace the pain. Feel the joy.

Humor me…

My NEW humor book!!!ย  BUY HERE ๐Ÿ™‚

[…]

I Got Baggage: Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

4 Mar

WHY MY PURSE WEIGHS 50 FRIGGIN’ POUNDS

Why My Purse Weighs 50 Pounds

After all, isn’t a purse just an enabler for mobile hoarders?

I suppose my purse/bag would be lighter if these items were not in it?

  • Multiple lipsticks, concealers,ย  mascara, a tiny make-up guy.
  • A Six-Pack of emergency water bottles – an absolute necessity for survival if stuck in traffic during a heatwave during a SIG alert during an earthquake during a heart attack during a hurricane during a nuclear attack during a tsunami during a…

[…]

Hello: Eleven Reasons Why

17 Feb

Hello

So much email, so many phone calls, too many texts… too little time.

 

BarbBestHumor

 

So Why Haven’t I Returned Your Emails, Calls, and Texts in 5 Weeks?

Hello! It’s challenging to muster the same sense of urgency to email, call, text responses than I have for, say, attending a family funeral or watching The Tennis Channel.

I know you understand ’cause you haven’t returned my emails, calls, texts either ๐Ÿ™‚ […]

FEEL GOOD TIP: You Haven’t Got Time for the Pain

2 Feb

NoPainBarbBestHumor

 

Run-of-the-mill pain, angst, misery – it’s all relative.

One poor schlub’s kidney stone is someone else’s stubbed toe.

Many people claim to be miserable. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hurt?

Pain Scale Humor

Universal Pain Assessment Tool

 

Seriously: You don’t have to be totally free of pain to be ๐Ÿ™‚ […]

New Year Goals for Slackers: Aim Low!

19 Jan

GOAL is a four-letter word

If you’re a proud slacker, you are most likely just now getting around to giving some (but not too much) thought to the dreaded New Year’s Goals and Resolutions.

I can help with this endeavor.

BarbBestHumorBlogGoals

Advice – you know you love it!

 

Here are a few goals you may want to add to your (no doubt) short list…

[…]

Alarm Clocks are Evil and Sleep is Divine

4 Jan

BarbBestHumorBlog

 

I hate alarm clocks, even the cute one on my iPhone.

They are about as comforting as jackhammers and leg cramps – and almost as jarring as a bugle blast in the face.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Must greeting the new day become a cortisol-pumping emergency? […]

Sweet Holidays: Death by Fruitcake

15 Dec

Happy Holidays!

Want to die doing what you love?

How about overindulging in the irresistible holiday treats that are ubiquitous this time of year?

Four out of five sugar addicts agree – holiday food is the best way to go.

Death by fruitcake humor blog

 

Fruitcake

Like ukelele music, you either love fruitcake or you hate it.

There are at least two ways to die via fruitcake. […]

How To Have A Homicide-Free Holiday

22 Nov

 

Thanksgiving with the family?

We all agree a homicide-free holiday is nice.

Don't talk Politics

MY TIPS

  • Don’t talk politics.

 

  • Respect your family members’ feelings… even if they are obviously stupid, illogical, and batsh*t crazy.

 

  • Don’t talk politics.

[…]

Stressed? 5 Reasons YOU Are Stressed Out

14 Oct

You are stressed out. You are worried. You are miserable.

You are not alone ๐Ÿ˜€

Barring a terrorist attack, cataclysmic global economic collapse, or tainted Halloween candy, October is usually a fairly innocuous month.

But not this October.

 

Stressed?

Squeeze!

Reason #1. Did you notice? UGH. It’s an election year.

[…]

Clown Hysteria: Why is Everybody DOWN on CLOWNS?

1 Oct

Don't talk Politics

Clowns

All the world apparently doesn’t love a clown.

Why the haters?

 

Clowns: Why is Everybody Down on Clowns?

 

It seems to be hip to see ALL clowns as “creepy” and zombies as cool.

It’s ironic that zombies streaked in blood and oozing death are deemed benevolent while goofy clowns donned in ginormous polka-dots are most likely evil.

Am I alone, but what’s not to love about red rubber noses, orange wigs, baggy pants, exaggerated make-up, and over-sized floppy shoes?

99.9999999999999999% of Hollywood – and everyone on TV – wears fake hair and too much make-up. So what?

For the record

My favorite zombie is “the tall mixed drink consisting of several kinds of rum, liqueur, and fruit juice.” […]