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Wine: Ruminations from the Bottom of a Glass of Rose´

3 Jun

Wine On!

Introspection does not come easy to some.

Since ancient times, women (especially) turn to vino while searching for deep thoughts.

After all, research has shown that drinking red wine helps you think. Trust me – something about increased blood flow to the brain.

So surely, the blush of resveratrol in Rose´wine aids in ruminating on life’s great issues.

 

Barb Best Humor

Wine: Ruminations from the Bottom of a Glass of Rose´

  • Unfortunately, joining a meal kit delivery service will not solve all of my time management problems.  Seems it takes a good deal of time to cook a real meal.

 

  • I am both the travel agent and tour guide on my children’s guilt trips. Where’s my commission? My tip?

[…]

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

14 May

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

 

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

 

Anti-Anxiety blankets for adults are all the rage.

They come in varying weights – heavy and heavier.

They are advertised as being the solution to all of your problems with insomnia, anxiety, depression, Asperger’s, chronic back pain, red velvet cupcake cravings, extreme couponing, and the bovine blues.

Plus, they are more FUN than a strait jacket!

However

If for some reason, your weighted blanket doesn’t calm you, but instead causes sleep paralysis or nightmares that you’re being suffocated by a colossal beanbag…

Alternative Uses for your Anti-Anxiety Blanket

Eureka!

 

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

  1. Functions as a saddle when giving young children horsey rides or for your own equine pleasure with consenting adults.

 

  1. Great for muscle toning. Pump like barbells. It’s never too early to fend off osteopenia, pop a neck vein, or jerk yourself a hiatal hernia.

[…]

Mother’s Day Gift Suggestions for Badass Moms

21 Apr

Mother’s Day is soon.

Forget the sappy lace cards, the lazy texts, the half-baked brunches, and the lame flowers!

How ’bout a cutting edge gift from the gut that your badass mom can really enjoy?

Badass Moms Barb Best Humor

7 Mother’s Day Gifts for Badass Moms

  • Matching tattoos. What a great bonding experience for Mommy and the little ones. Yes, there will be tears, but this is your legacy. How sweet!  You and your kids will flash the same toxic ink image for the rest of your lives.

 

  • A trip to the archery range. Nothing says “Urgent Care” like a bow and arrow in virgin hands. Who needs a Glock 43 when you are adept with lethal projectiles? You’ll score a bullseye to Mom’s heart with this thoughtful gift.

[…]

Top Funny Blogs: We All Need a Laugh

6 Apr

SO Happy to be on this new list of FUNNY BLOGS!

Thank You!

 

Top 45 Funny Blogs

FUNNY BOOKS

Hilarious! Look Alive Out There: Essays by Sloane Crosley

On Amazon https://amzn.to/2GEdJqu

Have you read it yet?

See you on Twitter!

Married? 15 Reasons You Want A Divorce

15 Mar

Happily Married?

15 Reasons You Want A Divorce

A happy marriage is a mystery to many.

 

Married 15 Reasons You Want a Divorce Humor

                            Brainy Quote

 

Everything considered

when it comes to being happily married,

it’s the little things, isn’t it?

married […]

No Kidding! 5 Reasons You Are Anxious and Depressed

1 Mar

5 Reasons You Are Anxious and Depressed

#1  You just gave birth

You are supremely grateful for this amazing blessing from God, however…

you feel you did not receive a worthy “push present.”

http://vst.to/Ai7cAMY

 

push present

Have you noticed that L.A. celebs (like wild magpies) love shiny objects?

 

#2  Freaky Leaky Gut

You ate the whole thing.

[…]

New Year 2018: Questions & Concerns

3 Jan

Happy New Year!   May this year be your BEST ever 🙂

 

2018HappyNewYear

 

Questions & Concerns

What is weighing heavy on your mind this new year?

So many issues of substance and style – must the world be so worrisome?

 

New Year 2018: Questions and Concerns

My Nagging Questions & Concerns

 

  • Flannel bedding – why such a controversial issue?

[…]

The Holidays! Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome?

14 Dec

Holidays

The holidays are upon us

Yay! and Ugh!

The Holidays are Here Barb Best

 

‘Tis the season to be harried

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

‘Tis the season to be melancholy

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Holiday Humor Barb Best

 

Do You Have Exploding Head Syndrome YET?

[…]

Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies & the Opera Carmen

15 Nov

Book

I loved Gretchen Rubin’s latest book The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too). I listened to the audiobook version – it is fascinating!

Expectations

The Four Tendencies provides a framework to identify in ourselves – and others – how we are inclined to respond to expectations. The tendencies are Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.

La La La

Recently, I attended a production of Carmen with three friends – a Questioner, an Obliger, and an Upholder. Like most comedic saps, I am a Rebel. […]

Cell Messages I Missed Because My Signal Dropped Out

25 Oct

Cellphones and Signals

Reaching me via cell – the expectations are way too high!

8:15 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, (cough) (cough) will you give me a ring when you get a chance? Thank you.”

 

9:25 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, would you mind driving honey? I don’t feel like driving. (laughter) Would you mind? Um, I’m trying to see if 12:00 is a good time for us to leave. No, not leave here, I mean just to get there. Um, what’s the traffic? I wonder if you’ve been out yet? You haven’t been out yet, have you? Okay, give me a call when you get this. Thank you, dear. Bye.”

 

10:42 a.m.

voicemail

“Hi Barb, I’ve been trying to reach you. (strained laughter) Is your phone ringing or what? Um… I figure we should leave around twenty-five after ’cause it takes a little while to go through the park up there… if that’s okay with you (thru teeth) sweetheart.

Okay, I’ll talk to you when you get home.” CLICK.

[…]

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