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Mother’s Day: What NOT To Give Your Mother

9 May

The Gift of Mother’s Day

Hurrah!

Another “holiday” full of hype, unrealistic expectations, and expense.

Plus loads of gifting pressure.

Because we all know that, whatever she says, gifts are Mom’s love language.

Here are a few tips to assist you in giving well, and perhaps, clinching favorite child status.

Mother's Day Gifts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What NOT To Give Your Mother

  • GRIEF – Don’t get arrested, crash your car, post a sex tape, or kill your brother (it’s her kid!). At least, not today.

 

  • AGING PRODUCTS – Not cool. This includes anti-wrinkle creams, cosmetic surgery, Botox injections, and turkey neck cures.

 

  • WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM SUBSCRIPTIONS – No matter how sorely needed, this is not a safe or tactful idea.

 

  • A PHONE CALL OR WORSE YET A MEASLY TEXT – If you only reach out once a year, this could backfire big time. You, ungrateful one, are already out of the will.

 

  • PRE-ARRANGED FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS – Seriously? A present that you can’t even use while you’re alive? You have to be dead? How passive aggressive.

 

  • ARMY BOOTS – Unless, of course, Mommy is in the Army. “Your Mom wears Army boots” is no longer an insult – it’s likely a compliment. We’ve come a long way, baby.

 

  • UNNECESSARY WORRY AND ANXIETY – If you are hell-bent on skydiving, bungee jumping, wrestling crocodiles, or exploring Pyongyang – don’t tell her ’til after the dirty deed is done!  At the very least, you’ll postpone the pain.

The real gift is Motherhood. It is the gift that keeps on giving!

*** Happy Mother’s Day! ***

Mother's Day Gifts NOT To Give

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should we tell our children what we really want?

“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”

  • A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
  • A spa week in Provence, champagne included
  • Pay off my mortgage
  • A gaggle of grandchildren
  • Lifelong 24-7 tech help
  • A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible

*** Happy Mothers Day! ***

Funny Mom Flicks 4 Mother’s Day

 

 

Fake Vacations: Is the Unposted Life Worth Living?

28 Apr

Life…

Life Unposted Fake vacations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The examined life is worth living.

The documented life is worth living.

But is the publicized life worth living?

Fake or Real?

Life publicized is posted on social media with text, images, and/or video for the universe to see.

It’s all out there – the good, the bad, and the boring.

The mundane and the meaningless.

The real and the fabricated.

Everyone is a quasi-celebrity on social media.

If somebody (anybody!) falls in the forest – and the video is not posted on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram…

… did it really happen?

We’ll never know.

fake vacations life unposted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At Your Service

Guess what? There are companies that will fake vacations for you on social media.

Vacations With Benefits

I’ll be going on a fake European vacation this summer, and boy am I excited!

But why?

Because I’ll be saving a ton of real money.

Hey, no VAT tax to pay.

No airline, hotel, restaurant, or rental car bills.

Kissing off cell phone roaming fees.

I’ll save energy, too.

Voila! No flying means no jet lag.

Yay! No painful blisters from those excruciating touristic walking tours.

No torment from gastrointestinal distress courtesy of questionable cuisine.

Saying bye-bye to weight gain caused by vacation splurging.

Happily, no airport hassles.

Finally, no pet sitter. No Fido and Fluffy guilt.

Life Unposted Fake Vacations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bon Voyage

And if you go on a fake trip this year, enjoy!

I’m sure I’ll read all about it online 🙂

I’ll Have What She’s Having

No Budget To Travel? This Company Can Fake A Vacation For Your Instagram

https://www.techtimes.com/articles/242004/20190422/no-budget-to-travel-this-company-can-fake-your-vacation-for-you.htm

Follow Me

Chimp scrolls through Instagram like a pro

https://nypost.com/video/chimp-scrolls-through-instagram-like-a-pro/?utm_campaign=iosapp&utm_source=mail_app

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

Life Hacks for April National Humor Month

29 Mar

LIfe Hacks for April National Humor Month

You know you need them!

National Humor Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live a Better Life Already

7 Trendy Tips to Up Your Game

  • How to get a pedicure when you’re wearing an ankle monitoring bracelet (and not electrocute yourself).

 

  • Using duct tape on pimples and fever blisters. (Don’t worry that you’ll never get it off)

 

  • Diet tips to motivate you and your fat dog. (Does not involve duct tape)

 

  • Take a power nap in the refrigerator. Boosts metabolism. Increases zest for life (and brain freeze).

 

  • Learn 501 ways to tie a scarf. Renews creativity. (Includes 499 ways you’ll never wear)

 

  • For sugar cravings, suck on mint dental floss. (Surprisingly satisfying if you’re on a 3-day fast)

 

  • Did you know? In a pinch, dental floss doubles as a cuticle clipper. (Impress your fancy friends at a dinner party with this life hack)

 

April National Humor Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want more joie de vivre? Join us on Twitter and Pinterest 🙂

Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off

Mindless Thought For The Day: LIFE IS…

Humor Book with Heart: Dave Barry’s LESSONS FROM LUCY

15 Mar

Looking for a humor book with heart?

All is not lost.

Dave Barry has a new book coming out on April 2nd

Humor

It’s a delightful mix of humor, self-help, and a happy dog…

What’s not to love?

LESSONS FROM LUCY: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog

Dave Barry book Lessons from Lucy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Dave on tour!

Preorder on Amazon

Barb Best Humor Dave Barry Book

 

 

 

My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?

Winter Cheer Up! Observations from the Abyss

14 Feb

Winter Cheer Up! Observations from the Abyss

Cheer Up!

A noxious mood state is a nice place to visit, but you don’t want to live there all winter.

Experiencing the arctic vortex or a rash of flash flooding and mudslides can put the sunniest of us souls in a sour mood.

Winter Cheer Up! Observations from the Abyss

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Musings

We all agree – watching the news is about as much fun as chewing on foil. […]

Minimalism: Does it Spark Joy or Oy?

17 Jan

Minimalism: A few thoughts

First, the word “minimalism” – for God’s sake, it’s 10 letters and 5 syllables!

Why the #&!# not a shorter word…

… for a concept and practice that embodies simplicity and “less?”

Minimalism: Joy or Oy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you are one hot mess short of being a certified hoarder, minimalism may be the answer.

What Is Minimalism?

It’s a thriving movement. It promises the average packrat “joy” through simplicity.  […]

Grateful for 2019: 7 Damn Good Reasons

1 Jan

Grateful for 2019: 7 Damn Good Reasons

Grateful for 2019!

You bet!

“But why?” you ask.

Simple.

 

Grateful for 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grateful Because…

  • You did not have a leech removed from your nose. (That head cold last winter was bad enough.)

https://nyp.st/2Qapskh

  • There is not a shocking blue glow over your town’s skies. (You love the color blue, but not this much.)

[…]

Holidays: ‘Tis the Season to Survive the Stress

14 Dec

Happy Holidays

Holidays and stress go together like eggnog and rum, like millennials and artisanal creameries, like politicians and lying.

Deck the halls with boughs and blabber
‘Tis the season to be grumpy,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tis the season to be jumpy,
Ha-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

A new study published in the British Medical Journal claims that your risk of heart attack is greatest on Christmas Eve and the following two days.

An excerpt from The Misery Manifesto,

the month-by-month survival guide…

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December * Holidays Are A Pain In the Aspirations

You’d like peace and quiet for the holidays. You want to relax. You want to stop and inhale the roses. You’re sadly optimistic on this count. […]

Lessons: Evacuating from an Active Wildfire Zone

30 Nov

There are many lessons to be learned when evacuating from an active wildfire zone.

Wildfire

“Wind’s in the East…mist coming in.

Like something is brewing, about to begin.

Can’t put my finger…on what lies in store, but I fear what’s to happen all happened before.”

– Bert in Mary Poppins

Dick Van Dyke Barb Best

 

 

Breathe

Remember to breathe!  But only with a N95 respirator mask so you can screen out hazardous gases such as carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, acrolein, and random farts.

Soot happens. You’ll likely resemble Dick Van Dyke as Bert the chimney sweeper in Mary Poppins.

[…]

Helpers: Woolsey Fire Victims Look for the Helpers

15 Nov

Look for the Helpers

Malibu Strong Mr Rogers Helpers

Photo Credit: By Dr. François S. Clemmons – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=41429120

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Rogers had good advice…

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'”

YO!

Often, these special people will seek you out.

They will take you in, comfort you, and shower you with kindness, generosity, and love. […]