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Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

1 Oct

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors? Anything but Bores on Nextdoor

Neighbors Nextdoor

 

NEIGHBOR is defined as

One who lives near or next to another

A fellow human

A fellow human! This covers every imaginable sort of person of interest under the sun.

Every stripe and strain from “Miss Congeniality” to “FBI’s Most Wanted”

Saints, sinners, helpers,

Freaks, fools and tools,

Lovers and haters.

AND they are all on the online Nextdoor platform – the popular social networking service for neighborhoods.

Nextdoor seems to have an attraction for the “Karens” and the trolls.

 

Neighbors Nextdoor

Love Thy Neighbor

 

What happened to the sweet souls who bake chocolate chip cookies and drop them off at your front door to welcome you to the ‘hood?

Online we have the cranks who grapple, clash, and lock horns at the drop of a cup of sugar.

The obsessives with numerous photos of their landscaping and house upgrades, and holiday decorations. Halloween anybody? Are you ready?

Petty arguments abound. Name calling is common — “A*s*o*l*e” being the favorite endearment 🙂

Lewd photos and snarky comments are posted in response to your heartfelt posts about your beloved cat.

Neighbors cat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hopefully, the body count on Nextdoor doesn’t escalate to the height of the

Hatfield and McCoy Feud on The History Channel

There’s even a hilarious Twitter stream that documents some of the more noteworthy (insane) posts.

Maybe it can be more like “You’ve Got a Friend In Me”

 

 

It’s always a good time to buy books on Amazon !!!

Neighbors to Love: 7 Posts from Next Door

Comedy Videos: I See Funny Women

3 Sep

Comedy Videos: I See Funny Women

Comedy Videos:  I See Funny Women

Laughter for Today, Tonight, Tomorrow… an antidote to the news.

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo […]

Aging? You’re So Old You Probably Think This Joke Is About You

1 Aug

Aging? You’re So Old You Probably Think This Joke Is About You

Aging?

You don’t feel old, but do you act old?

 

jokes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re as old as you act.

 

If the Joke Fits – Laugh!

 

  • Do you really need a park bench to sit on when taking a shower?

[…]

Face Masks Unused: Fun Things to do With Them!

1 Jul

unused face masks fun

You may still be wearing a face mask or not, but you likely have a bunch of unused ones sitting around.

And by a bunch I mean hundreds.

Time to clear the Covid clutter!

Repurpose those annoying fashion accessories.

unused face masks fun

 

 

Unused Face Masks: Fun Things to do With Them!

 

  • A stylish bikini bottom
  • Eye patch – you’re never too old to play pirate
  • A yamake that won’t blow off, “Look bubbe, no bobby-pins”
  • Butt floss
  • Cat toy
  • Makes a soft slingshot for the meek – no rocks, tearless contact with a projectile
  • A covid memory quilt consisting of all my stylish pandemic masks – call me sentimental 🙂
  • Contemporary art mobile

unused face masks fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • A gag for boomer Uncle Harry and his idiotic political rants
  • Just in case, you’re planning to rob a bank… a generic mask with no identifying personal info is recommended.

FACE IT

Save your unused masks for Covid variants and, of course, the next pandemic 🙁

SMILE 🙂

To-Do: A List for the Listless

5 Jun

To-Do: A List for the Listless

JUNE To-Do List

Thank you Covid.

You have taught us patience.

A year of delayed gratification, postponements and chronic procrastination has created a to-do list longer than the pandemic itself.

The Short List

June Humor

BIG MANICURE

 

 

 

Footsie

An entire year without a pedicure.

The horror!

You know it and I know it.

It’s damn time for a serious exfoliating foot treatment. […]

Freedom: My Dream Job is a Remote Job

1 May

My Dream Job is A Remote Job

Yippee Yay!

Now that I’m working my forever dream job remotely from home…

I am free!  Free at last!

Riding the Freedom Choo-choo

While collecting a chunky paycheck

And maintaining my life work play goof off balance.

 

Dream Job remote Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now That I Work Remote I Can…

 

  • Breastfeed my toddler twins fifteen times a day – each!  Ouch. Ouch.

 

  • Reach Level 8500 of Candy Crush Saga.  And you thought Skittles and M & M’s were addicting?

 

  • Score a load of laundered moolah in bitcoin trades. Too late?

 

  • Be a crypto consultant, day trader and night owl. Never too late.

 

  • Learn to play the saxophone while pretending to be in boring business meetings. So cool 🙂

 

  • Cook gourmet lunches for friends and family. Yum Yum.

 

  • Take my diva cat for lengthy acupuncture treatments and manicures while “working.” Wink, Wink!

 

  • Meet the neighbors. Why not?

 

  • Nap whenever I want! Like right now.

 

  • Have sex all day. They don’t call it Zoom for nothing.

 

  • Save money on gas, wheels, personal grooming and a presentable wardrobe.  I may look homeless, but I’ll be rich.

 

  • Every day, I can ditch the heels, Spandex and bra and wear my comfy clothes. Highly conducive to napping.

 

  • Experiment with acid and magic mushrooms before my annual job review.  Helps to focus? On what?

 

  • Go on vacation somewhere, anywhere, anytime.  The real goal!

 

Dream On!

 

BarbBestHumorBlog

Available on Amazon

Work & Retirement: All You Really Need to Know

April Pain: Reason to Complain

2 Apr

April Pain

On a scale of 1 to 10, where is yours?

 

Pain reason complain

Pain is Relative

Nobody has no pain. Not even a sea sponge or a nitrous oxide enthusiast.

Constant stress from styrofoam cling-on… a 2?

A nagging concern about proper toe alignment… a 1?

Cardiac surgery… a 10!

Childbirth… an 11!

A paper cut from a past due snail mail bill… a 5?

Personally, I worry that it’s wicker bag season. I hate wicker. It cannot compete with calfskin, cotton canvas or nylon as an accessory… a 2?

I love a Ceasar salad, but croutons annoy. They lack character. They either try too hard or not enough… a 3?

Perspective

Pain is subjective, but so is pleasure and joy.

Covid-19 pandemic, lockdown hell, illness and death… 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 +

My arm hurts – not from the shot – but from logging onto numerous websites for days, weeks, months trying to nail an appointment for the vaccine… not even a 1.

Scientists seek ways to finally take real measure of pain…

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-01-scientists-ways-real-pain.html

 

JUST IN TIME!  APRIL IS NATIONAL HUMOR MONTH 🙂

 

I Feel Your Pain

National Humor Month

Groundhog Day: The Date, The Movie, The Legend

2 Feb

Groundhog Day: The Date, The Movie, The Legend

Groundhog Day

Ho Hum. February 2nd is Groundhog Day weather you like it or not.

The much maligned beaver and the irrelevant aardvark should have such marketing teams behind them.

BTW why doesn’t the groundhog have a mask on?

Is he alone on his laptop?

2021’s Groundhog Day will be virtual

When the groundhog sees his shadow, perhaps it’s merely the positioning of the TV cameras and lighting?

Comedy Classic

And yet, out of all the groundhog drivel, hype and hoopla exists a hilarious movie,

a comedy classic.

BILL MURRAY

 

Who needs Groundhog Day when you’ve got “Groundhog Day” the movie?

DUST OFF YOUR UKULELE

FYI FEBRUARY 2nd is also Play Your Ukulele Day

Who knew?

https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/play-your-ukulele-day/

 

Pandemic Fatigue OR a Three-Month-Old Feral Baby?

1 Dec

Pandemic fatigue has set in

According to the World Health Organization (WHO as in Dr. Who) pandemic fatigue is expressed by demotivation in adhering to “protective” orders, hopelessness and alienation.

Baby boomers, Millennials, Gens X, Y and Zers – all ages suffer from this malady.

Ironically, it causes exhaustion from not doing stuff.

We are tired of this.

Rumor has it PF is more contagious than Covid itself.

Regression Anybody?

 

Pandemic fatigue humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

A QUIZ FOR YOU

Are You Suffering from PF OR Are You A Three-Month-Old Feral Baby?

 

  • I wear stained clothes everyday.
  • I take five naps a day.
  • I suck my shirt sleeve and gaze into the abyss.
  • I startle and screech when the dog barks.
  • I bawl my brains out uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
  • I let a few big, stinky ones rip while I drink my lunch.
  • I vomit my breakfast in the car on the way to pick up an antidiarrheal and a crate of Chux.
  • I curl up in a fetal position and grab my feet.
  • I suck my toes.
  • I babble to the cat.
  • I suck my fingers and stick them in the nearest electrical outlet.
  • I cry for mommy. I cry for daddy. I cry for the Amazon Prime delivery person.

 

pandemic fatigue humor
laughing pandemic fatigue humor
Pandemic fatigue humor

If you answered “No” to  1-12 questions, you’re a baby! Goo Gaa!

If you answered “Yes” to  1-12 questions, you have a bad case of PF AND you’re a big, fat baby!

Either way, you will grow stronger from this nightmare and smile someday.

Pandemic fatigue sucks.

HO HO HO!!!

IT’S DECEMBER – DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR MASK of JOY IS?

THE ONLY SELF-HELP GUIDE YOU WILL NEED FOR THE NEW YEAR!

THE MISERY MANIFESTO – A MONTH-TO-MONTH SURVIVAL GUIDE

 

Kindle e-book and paperback
https://amzn.to/3lr4Wf5

 

Holidays: ‘Tis the Season to Survive the Stress

Daylight Savings Time: I Got Circadian Rhythm

1 Nov

Daylight Savings Time: I Got Circadian Rhythm

Daylight savings time

Tick tock, tick tock.

Turn your clock back or is it forward?

Fall back, spring ahead, fall forward, spring back?

Daylight savings time is like kimchee – nobody seems to like it.

And yet there it is.

It’s fake time!

Even the dog and cat are confused by it.

 

Daylight savings time Circadian Rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anybody really know what time it is?

 

 

As if the pandemic hasn’t skewed your sense of time over these tedious months,

The powers that be shall now screw with your Circadian rhythm!

So much for your delicate sleep routine.

Your internal clock will be out of whack again.

There will be more darkness, less light.

 

Daylight savings time Circadian rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank God for caffeine

 

Daylight savings time Circadian rhythm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rhythm

How do I keep time?

I got rhythm!  I got caffeine! Who could ask for anything more?

 

 

 

Alarm Clocks are Evil and Sleep is Divine