Chocolate Krispy Kreme & Coffee: My Eclipse Party
17 Aug
As far as I’m concerned, it’s always time for chocolate and coffee.
Krispy Kreme
and a Total Solar Eclipse?
Sounds like an excuse to partay!
I’m ready. And I’m going to the dark side.
Archive by Author
SUBJECT:
Healthscare: Making a Money Mountain out of a Mole
4 Aug
Healthcare Fun
Let’s make a money mountain out of an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny mole!
“Holy Moly!”
News Flash
I notice a new? mole on my neck.
Being hyper vigilant (and vain) I hop online and compare my mole to images of other moles.
(BTW it is disturbing how many pics of moles are posted on the web. Way too much sharing!) […]
Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off
21 Jul
SUBJECT: Playing Hooky Goofing Off Planned Absences
TO: Kyle Flicker
General Manager
Misery Productions
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Mr. Flicker,
I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.
- My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.
- I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.
Sugar Crash: 7 Random Reflections Gleaned
7 Jul
Sugar
Life is sweet. And what’s more fun than a blood sugar crash at 3:00 a.m.?
7 Random Reflections Gleaned from My Nightly Blood Sugar Crash
- Geez, my pancreas needs a fidget spinner.
Lizards Mating: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself
22 Jun
Eidechse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Leaping Lizards! Yuck!
There is a lighter side to lizards… just watch them mate sometime.
7 Questions To Ask Yourself While Watching Lizards Mate
- Isn’t nature amazing?
- What – no foreplay?
La La Land June Gloom The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow
10 Jun
An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto
The Sun Will Come Out Tomorow?
In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.
In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.
However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”
JUNE GLOOM
According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)
“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”
Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”
June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.
Nuts and Dogs and Cats
26 May
Wondering. Does this warning include…
Nutjobs?
If only.
Alert the powers that be! Peanut warnings should include “nutjobs.”
Weekend Fun
Over 22 million people have seen this funny dog cat video. Why not you?
See you on Twitter. I’m @Habarb
Want a fun read? Check out The Misery Manifesto: A Self-Help Parody
Mother’s Day: What Mothers Really Want
12 May
With Mother’s Day coming up, I have qualms.
English: Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The mother of all my Mother’s Day qualms?
Should we tell our children what we really want?
“Sure, honey. This is what I’d love. Here’s my list. Get crackin’!”
- A round-trip, first class, all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora
- A spa week in Provence, champagne included
- Pay off my mortgage
- A gaggle of grandchildren
- Lifelong 24-7 tech help
- A ruby red Maserati Gran Turismo Convertible
My First 100 Days: Lots of Crying
29 Apr
My First 100 Days
Enough about Trump. Here’s what I did in my first 100 days. Whaaa!
- Exited my mother’s womb with a ton of fanfare. Actually, it was a bloodbath. Pretty gross. Extremely exhausting for Mom and me. Couldn’t wait to get cleaned up and grab a nap. Whew.
- Cried. There’s lots of crying in the first 100.
- Slept, mostly in spurts of a few hours here, a few hours there. Similar to how I do now.
Safety First: 7 Spring Break Safety Tips for Snowflakes
14 Apr
Spring is here.
Whoopee.
It has stopped snowing.
Whoopee.
The flowers are blossoming with a vengeance. […]
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