Barb Best

Wine On!

Introspection does not come easy to some.

Since ancient times, women (especially) turn to vino while searching for deep thoughts.

After all, research has shown that drinking red wine helps you think. Trust me – something about increased blood flow to the brain.

So surely, the blush of resveratrol in Rose´wine aids in ruminating on life’s great issues.

Wine: Ruminations from the Bottom of a Glass of Rose´

• Unfortunately, joining a meal kit delivery service will not solve all of my time management problems.  Seems it takes a good deal of time to cook a real meal.

• I am both the travel agent and tour guide on my children’s guilt trips. Where’s my commission? My tip?

[…]

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

Anti-Anxiety blankets for adults are all the rage.

They come in varying weights – heavy and heavier.

They are advertised as being the solution to all of your problems with insomnia, anxiety, depression, Asperger’s, chronic back pain, red velvet cupcake cravings, extreme couponing, and the bovine blues.

Plus, they are more FUN than a strait jacket!

However

If for some reason, your weighted blanket doesn’t calm you, but instead causes sleep paralysis or nightmares that you’re being suffocated by a colossal beanbag…

Eureka!

Alternative Uses for your $350, 15 Pound Anti-Anxiety Blanket

1. Functions as a saddle when giving young children horsey rides or for your own equine pleasure with consenting adults.

2. Great for muscle toning. Pump like barbells. It’s never too early to fend off osteopenia, pop a neck vein, or jerk yourself a hiatal hernia.

[…]

Mother’s Day is soon.

Forget the sappy lace cards, the lazy texts, the half-baked brunches, and the lame flowers!

How ’bout a cutting edge gift from the gut that your badass mom can really enjoy?

7 Mother’s Day Gifts for Badass Moms

• Matching tattoos. What a great bonding experience for Mommy and the little ones. Yes, there will be tears, but this is your legacy. How sweet!  You and your kids will flash the same toxic ink image for the rest of your lives.

• A trip to the archery range. Nothing says “Urgent Care” like a bow and arrow in virgin hands. Who needs a Glock 43 when you are adept with lethal projectiles? You’ll score a bullseye to Mom’s heart with this thoughtful gift.

[…]

SO Happy to be on this new list of FUNNY BLOGS!

Thank You!

FUNNY BOOKS

Hilarious! Look Alive Out There: Essays by Sloane Crosley

On Amazon https://amzn.to/2GEdJqu

Have you read it yet?

See you on Twitter!

Are you having a bad day?

Or a good 24 hours?

Classic Judith Viorst children’s book

Two Months of Bad Days

According to a recent study (don’t you hate recent studies?)

The average American has two months of ‘bad days’ every year.

60 days!

This is darn near one-sixth of your entire year.

Let us define… “A Bad Day”

“My wireless went out for five minutes and I panicked. It wasn’t pretty. ”

“I had to wait in line for ten minutes at Starbucks for my afternoon Iced Cinnamon Almondmilk Macchiato. I thought I’d die.” […]

Happily Married?

15 Reasons You Want A Divorce

A happy marriage is a mystery to many.

                            Brainy Quote

Everything considered

when it comes to being happily married,

it’s the little things, isn’t it?

[…]

5 Reasons You Are Anxious and Depressed

#1  You just gave birth

You are supremely grateful for this amazing blessing from God, however…

you feel you did not receive a worthy “push present.”

http://vst.to/Ai7cAMY

Have you noticed that L.A. celebs (like wild magpies) love shiny objects?

#2  Freaky Leaky Gut

You ate the whole thing.

[…]

Play is good for you.

Go ahead!

Play… with your food.

Toy… with your food for thought.

Amuse yourself… with your knowledge.

[…]

LUCKY?

YOU?

Yup.

Here’s why you are lucky this week:

* You haven’t been sucked into an MRI machine.

Man Dies After Being Sucked Into An MRI Machine via @IFLScience:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-an-mri-machine  […]

Love thy neighbor – but NOT their posts on the online Neighbor Chatline

RECENT POSTS

Noise!

It is like awesome that we have this community chat group to share our feelings. Peace, love and friendship to all.

Imagine my consternation when lounging on my balcony this morning, enjoying the gentle rays of the sun, sipping my artisinal chai tea…

… when an eardrum-piercing racket made my breakfast ritual – let alone any silent prayer and meditation – impossible.

My emotional support chicken was traumatized. This is wrong, as it is my job to be traumatized. […]