Don’t Laugh! I’m In Clown Love: Puddles Pity Party
12 Oct
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Giraffe Drinking Habits: A Tall Zoo Tale
28 Sep
Giraffe
Tall tale or tall tail?
It’s a zoo out there
For reasons unknown, I recently visited a zoo.
The highlight was visiting the Masai giraffes.
There was a family of three – Michael, Betty Lou, and Parker. Yup, they had names, but not name tags.
For an extra eight bucks, you could “Get up close and personal with the tallest residents of the Zoo! Hand feed Masai giraffes and have the experience of a lifetime.”
I was too late (and too cheap) to make feeding time,
BUT I discovered that the real show is not feeding the giraffes – it’s hanging with them after they dine. […]
My Cat has a Bucket List, Doesn’t Yours?
12 Sep
My cat has a bucket list.
As a matter of fact, he has nine.
You talkin’ to me?
He has (begrudgingly) granted me permission to share his first list with you.
- Roll in the dirt with that sassy ginger tabby from across the street who struts by my sliding glass door several times a week.
News to Amuse – 7 Items that Won’t Stress You Out
26 Aug
Flash!
The news is stressing everyone out.
Anxiety, depression, and despair are consuming many, BUT –
Good News!
Not all of the headlines are apocalyptic. Some are merely strange and disturbing.
Here are 7 ITEMS you may have missed
- Aim is everything… Axe throwing is now one of the hottest competitive sports http://nyp.st/2uYrkWQ
- Is alimony next? Sex robot makers claim lonely customers are marrying their dolls http://nyp.st/2vFebmv
Chocolate Krispy Kreme & Coffee: My Eclipse Party
17 Aug
As far as I’m concerned, it’s always time for chocolate and coffee.
Krispy Kreme
and a Total Solar Eclipse?
Sounds like an excuse to partay!
I’m ready. And I’m going to the dark side.
“Dark” as in…
coffee and chocolate, of course.
Healthscare: Making a Money Mountain out of a Mole
4 Aug
Healthcare Fun
Let’s make a money mountain out of an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny mole!
“Holy Moly!”
News Flash
I notice a new? mole on my neck.
Being hyper vigilant (and vain) I hop online and compare my mole to images of other moles.
(BTW it is disturbing how many pics of moles are posted on the web. Way too much sharing!) […]
Dear Boss: 7 Reasons I’m Taking Friday and Monday Off
21 Jul
SUBJECT: Playing Hooky Goofing Off Planned Absences
TO: Kyle Flicker
General Manager
Misery Productions
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Mr. Flicker,
I’d like to share with you a few bulls*!t excuses I’ve concocted for my impending absences from work.
- My life coach insists I have a minimally invasive craniotomy done this Saturday. This is scheduled after my boozy, trans fat-laden brunch and before a round or two of miniature golf with the neighborhood children. Chances are I’ll be gaga on opioids for a few days. Trust me. You won’t want me anywhere near the company spreadsheets.
- I’m celebrating “Cinnabon Day” and the Krispy Kreme “Buy a Dozen, Get a Dozen Free” promotion. This religious observance should take me several days to participate in and to recover from. If you’d like further documentation from my gastroenterologist or spiritual advisor, please let me know.
Sugar Crash: 7 Random Reflections Gleaned
7 Jul
Sugar
Life is sweet. And what’s more fun than a blood sugar crash at 3:00 a.m.?
7 Random Reflections Gleaned from My Nightly Blood Sugar Crash
- Geez, my pancreas needs a fidget spinner.
Lizards Mating: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself
22 Jun
Eidechse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Leaping Lizards! Yuck!
There is a lighter side to lizards… just watch them mate sometime.
7 Questions To Ask Yourself While Watching Lizards Mate
- Isn’t nature amazing?
- What – no foreplay?
La La Land June Gloom The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow
10 Jun
An Excerpt from the humor book The Misery Manifesto
The Sun Will Come Out Tomorow?
In the United States, as in most of the sad world, you have weather. You have a variety of weather patterns and temperature changes, as well as four seasons. This isn’t the case in coastal Southern California. As you know, we’re special.
In Los Angeles, we have consistently perfect weather — sunny with temperatures in the seventies. It’s a truly reasonable climate that only the most miserable among us (usually transplanted New Yorkers) find unacceptable. These are the cranks who complain about unending sunshine and clear skies as if it’s a bad thing. “I miss the seasons,” they whine.
However, even for the easy to please, there is an ugly shoofly in The Endless Summer of SoCal . . . and that is the infamous “June Gloom.”
JUNE GLOOM
According to Wikipedia (who else?), June Gloom is “a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer, most commonly in the month of June.” (This is why it’s not called February Gloom.)
“Low-altitude stratus clouds are formed over the ocean, then transported over the coastal regions by the wind.”
Translation: June Gloom is a month-long period of fog and drizzle up the yahoo where you feel like an abuse victim in a never-ending Bergman movie. I call it “50 Shades of L.A. Gray.”
June Gloom should be a bona fide mental disorder ordained by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s Los Angeles’s version of a seasonal affective disorder.
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