Archive by Author

Weekend Funny 5 – 100 Fast & Funny One-liners eBook Trailer

5 Oct

What’s 1) short and sweet 2) fast and funny 3) a collection of one-liners and quotes on love, sex, life, pain, health, aging  4) like a friggin’ box of tasty truffles but less fattening and only $2.99 on Amazon for heaven’s sake 5) an “entertaining little ebook you will treasure!”

100 Fast & Funny: Ha-Musings by Barb Best

Snap your copy up at Amazon <HERE>  Thanks 🙂

  • Phyllis Diller’s Lessons for Funny Ladies
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7 Health Questions You Need To Know the Answer to NOW

2 Oct

TRUE or FALSE:

 

1. It’s not good to eat foods you can’t pronounce. So avoid stuff like quinoa, shitakes, bok choy, and radicchio.

 

2. A banana makes a perfectly fine antacid.  Peel first.

 

3. Doctors suggest you sniff rosemary to boost your memory and sharpen your test-taking skills. However, ask Rosemary first. “No” means “No Way, Jose!”

 

4. Garlic is the new black. Wear it liberally to boost your immunity, especially against communicable diseases.

 

5. Get a daily massage. It may not improve your health, but it sure feels great.

 

6. For severe digestive upsets, soak naked in zucchini hummus ’til you reek of body odor for a week. Works every time.

 

7. Duct tape works nicely to eliminate bulbous pimples and unsightly warts. Apply on eyes. Also effective for ear dandruff and nose eczema.

 

All are true. Would I lie?

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Weekend Funny 5 More Signs Death Is Near

28 Sep

5 More Signs “Death” Is Near!

1.  Location. Location. Location. You are reclining in a cozy donut pool float, gloriously buzzed on Jamaican rum cocktails, drifting in the balmy blue Caribbean… but a hungry shark has a hankering for your pricey, dutifully applied 70 SPF face lotion.

2.  Politics. You’ve stopped screaming like a banshee at the election year coverage on the cable news channels.

3.  Loss of thirst for your favorite wine, Chateau St. Jean French Chardonnay. Say it ain’t so.

4.  Sex. You no longer consider vaginal rejuvenation a viable option.

5.  Money. Compulsive couponing has lost its charm. You really can’t take that extra 15 cents with you? Damn.

7 Signs Death Is Near

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Boo! Who’s Your Dog Gonna Be for Halloween?

25 Sep

BarbBestHumor

Ain’t I sassy?

 

Before the charcoal on the Labor Day barbecue grill cools, we are bombarded by… ARRGH!

HALLOWEEN.

Orange and black invade the retail world. Pumpkins, creepy decorations, and a zillion bags of over-priced CANDY block the aisles of every store – including the pet store.

Which brings us to the burning question – who’s your dog gonna be for Halloween?

And when did dogs start wearing Halloween costumes anyway?

Do they even like dressing up? (I thought that was more of a cat thing.)

Will Lucky really feel deprived if he misses out on all the Halloween fun – the sugar high, the gobbling of chocolate bars with wrappers, the neighbor’s bullhorn, the vomiting, being freaked out by the Doberman donning the tutu and fake eyelashes?

Is your dog going “trick or treating?”

Do I need to have special doggie treats on hand?

And how will I explain this canine indulgence to my cat?

What do you think? Please advise 🙂

 

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Fun Jobs – Part Two

24 Sep

BarbBestHumor

Chihuahua Etiquette Coach

Food Cravings Blogger

Daydream Consultant

Trampoline Tester

Donkey Behaviorist

“Men Only Spa” Alcoholic Beverage Coordinator

“Girls Night Out” Feelings Auditor

Lollipop Historian

Spanx Trainer

Pet Wedding Photographer

Weekend Funny 5 Urgent Emails To Spoil Your Weekend

21 Sep

Friends often wish you “Have a wonderful weekend.”

5 urgent emails to spoil your weekend:

  • Your Credit Card Balance Has Reached Set Threshold Alert
  • Elaborate wedding plans in disarray due to unplanned pregnancy
  • Granny had a bear encounter
  • Granny had a bare encounter
  • Chocolate Recall due to salmonella scare

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Unemployed? Be Fun employed! Fun Careers You Can Try

18 Sep

On The Food Network‘s “Unwrapped” series, Marc Summers often interviews niche experts like Licorice Authority and Junk Food Archivist. These jobs seem enticing.

With unemployment and underemployment so high, many of us are reinventing ourselves professionally.

You may need to rethink your life mission, your calling, your purpose.

Baby Boomers and Millennials, I’m not just talking to you!

BarbBestHumor

Have you considered these jobs?   (And tell me yours)

Flossing Consultant

Potato Chip Scholar

Cleanse Coach

Gumball Historian

Pity Party Planner

Hairball Stylist

Aroma Therapy Artist

Jellybean Flavor Taster

Twitter Addiction Therapist

Social Media Profile Pic Consultant

Cell phone CEO

Diva Enabler

Nap Coach

Principal Caregiver to All Devices Electronic

Rant Management Supervisor

Canine Audio Mitigation Specialist

Goldfish Grief Counselor

Homework Instigator

Bogus Excuse Inventor

Spinner to the Stars

Pet Preceptor

Clutter Engineer

Procrastination Coordinator

Giggle Facilitator

Sand Castle Decorator

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“Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box”

14 Sep

Weekend Funny 5 – Funny New Book ALERT!

Guess what? I’m moving this week. So this book is perfect… Michele feels my pain and yours.

For everyone who’s ever moved, sold a house, bought a house…

Weekend Funny Five

5 Things about Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box by Michele Wojciechowski

1. If war is hell, moving is a close second. When you put your home on the market, it has to look “livable,” but not “lived in.” Confused? So was I…

2. My husband is still addicted to The Magic Eraser. But it can’t make dirty underwear disappear.

3. Famous folks in the comedy world think my book is funny. Who? Bruce Cameron, Jenny Hagel, Tracy Beckerman, Jim Mendrinos, Jim Higley, to name just a few. Alan Zweibel, award-winning comedy writer, Thurber Prize winner, and co-author (with Dave Barry) of Lunatics writes, “Michele Wojciechowski’s humor is so smart, insightful, and witty that for a moment I thought I was reading something I’d written.”

4. Famous folks in the real estate market think it’s funny. My Realtor, Sandy Smith, even wrote the Foreword. Margaret M. Kelly, CEO RE/MAX writes, “Anyone who’s selling a home or considering it will enjoy the humor and candor in Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box…”

5. I’m a giver. To launch Next Time I Move I’m doing a fundraising comedy night Saturday, September 15 at The Catholic High School of Baltimore. Proceeds will benefit the school.

 

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HARO My Answer To A Stupid Vagina Question

12 Sep

Inspired by Naomi Wolf‘s controversial book, “Vagina: A New Biography,”

this is a real question from Monday’s HARO (Help A Reporter Out):

“Do You Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Vagina?” (Frugivore)

My response:

Thank you for asking! This is a question dear to my heart, “in-ny” belly button, and G Spot.

Oh yes, my vagina and I enjoy many lovely times together. We walk on the beach, we contemplate beautiful sunsets, we share moonlit dinners on the Palazzo. My goodness, we even shower together on a regular basis (wink, wink).

We rarely have cross words, however once a month things can get a little touchy. You know what I mean.

But most of the time, my vagina has a terrific sense of humor.  Why when I’m down, she makes me laugh.  She lifts me up.

Geez, the most awe-inspiring time we had was when we gave birth together! Wow! Hard to top that.

Maybe my vagina will write a memoir some day.  She’s actually quite gifted.  The title can be: “Vaginas Just Wanna Have Fun.”

 

Creative Commons License
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

More stupid questions – and stupid answers at stupidasssquestions.com

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Weekend Funny 5

7 Sep

It’s hot! Molly Campbell has a funny new book out “Characters In Search of A Novel.” Get it HERE

The New Yorker: Test Your Fashion I.Q. with Paul Rudnick

Hilarious post “Stuff People Say To New Moms” by “occasional optimist” Laura at Stroller Parking Only

Mental Floss: “17 Euphemisms for SEX From The 1880s” by Adrienne Crezo.  Clever!

Loretta LaRoche and “The Power of Humor” by Dr. Mehmet Oz at Oprah.com

BarbBestHumor

 

 

 

 

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