Archive by Author

Ain’t That Rich?

29 Jan

In dire economic times, professionals may employ downright crazy strategies to save (steal) money.

A penny saved is worth five to fifteen in the slammer.

According to the Associated Press, 1-24-12:

“A former dentist in Massachusetts has pleaded guilty to Medicaid fraud for using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts in root canals. Authorities say instead of stainless steel posts for root canals, he used sections of paper clips — which can cause pain and even infection — in an effort to save money.”

Root canal is bad enough… without your endodontist cutting (no pun, ouch) corners in such a tawdry fashion. Instead…

Couldn’t he have just cancelled some of those swanky magazine subscriptions in his office?

Or sell the flat screen TV in the waiting room? Not necessary!  Nobody’s looking at it. Everybody has their head up focused on their cell phones.

Maybe cut down on the annoying muzak in the examining rooms? Man, we’re nervous enough.

Wax his own damn moustache?

This won't hurt a bit!

Not pick up the tab for his perky, big boobed receptionist’s weekly manicures?

Engage in some serious extreme couponing like everyone else?

Oy, I wonder…  Did he also recycle the bloody gauze from patients’ mouths?

Did he instruct his patients to bring their own water to rinse?

Stock up on his instruments from this guy?

If you’d like to indulge your paranoia over dentists, check these entertaining gems out:

Images: Barb Best and Wikimedia Commons.

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
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My Funny Valentine

24 Jan

Guess what?  Only 3 weeks to go…  will you be my funny valentine?

The reviews are rolling in…

GRADY HARP, Hall of Fame Reviewer, says:

“One of those `must have’ books not only because it is terrific reading but also because it has a lot to say about contemporary relationships. Kudos to a crew of writers who are very in the know about love and relationships. This is a little treasure of a book with some of the most terse humor being written today!”

“a fun read by 40 of the funniest writers in America”

“a little treasure of a book”

“hilarious bits by Barb Best”

A fresh and funny gift for “Love Day” – goes great with chocolate, flowers, hugs, kisses, diamonds, cars, gulf stream jets, Malibu beach houses, sock puppets!

Paperback and eBook on sale at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

 

Barb Best

No Tiger Mom Needed!

15 Jan

FUN STUDY GUIDE

 

Your kid doesn’t need a “Tiger Mom” to berate or shame him or her into being a good student.

They don’t need to be workaholics or spend all their time on homework, test prep, calculus or – God forbid – the violin!

All they need is a desire to succeed, positive motivation, respect, common sense and solid advice from a student who’s been there and done that – recently.

Help your kid! Help yourself! Get this down-to-earth study guide from Princeton University graduate Suzanne Raga in an easy to read and entertaining eBook.

*You can buy the eBook for $4.99 at Amazon and Barnes & Noble


http://yourockbook.wordpress.com/

About (Late) Last Night: ‘Tiger Mother’ Amy Chua defends herself to Stephen Colbert [Video].

Vote for Comedy

10 Jan

2012 – Leap year and election year.  Who needs Dixville Notch? We got Reese.

Comedy

You go, girl!

 

Reese Witherspoon gets my vote for one of the funniest movies ever  – Election.

 

Comedy

Directed by Alexander Payne. Based on the novel by Tom Perrotta. Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor. 1999. Paramount.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ELECTION MOVIE?



My New Year RIDS-olutions!

2 Jan

Good luck, honey!

  1. I will downsize. This will involve donating 25 years + of crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk) that I no longer use and not getting new crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk). Clutter (see “crap”) is not only “stuck energy” – it is a real hassle to dust.
  2. I will rid myself of the tendency to complain, whine, and kvetch. Gee, this is so hard to do… Whaa! Whaa! Whaa! OMG, what will I write about? Whaaaa!
  3. No matter how compelling the separation issues may be, the laptop and cell phone will not be taken into the bathroom. Too many close calls (get it? calls?)
  4. I will try not to stoop to the level of cheap puns and scatological humor (unless, of course, it amuses me and tickles the dog).
  5. I will stop harboring the desire to eat an entire double-decker box of dark chocolate covered cherries in one sitting unless I’m given a month to live or have really bad PMS, then all bets are off.
  6. However captivating it is to my Twitter followers, I will not tweet inappropriately from (i.e. nice restaurants, children’s birthday parties, business meetings, dental appointments, bed, car accidents, funerals, etc.). Social propriety trumps the compulsion to provide non-stop yuks (often at the expense of loved ones) to total strangers.
  7. I will stop using the Lord’s name (and the Duggars) in vain. Amen.
  8. When dressed in exercise clothes, I will actually make a serious effort to go to the gym and exercise.
  9. I will stop considering french fries “vegetables” and strawberry licorice “fruit.”
  10. I will not pull on my cuticles and shred them like confetti, no matter how dry they are or how excruciatingly boring the meeting/conversation/TV show is.

Minus 12 Grams Fiber

New Year’s Heave

30 Dec

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Mark Twain

Barb'sBlastHumorBlog

Take a deep breath (in and out)

Then indulge in an unreality break before the new year is upon us like mayo on rye.

Put your feet up,

Sit a spell,

Enjoy a cat video or two…

Life is short (time challenged)

You only have one while kitty has nine!

Happy New Year!

Barb Best Humor

Mum Cat Video 4 Million Views +

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Hairy Christmas!

21 Dec

Has your dog “Snippy” had his photo taken with Santa yet?

Has he sat on Santa’s lap and communicated his heartfelt wants?

According to the L.A. Times, an Associated PressPetside.com poll shows 52% of pet owners plan to buy their animals a holiday gift — up from 43% last year.

Your cat “Snots” may insist she only wants world peace for Christmas, but I recommend you have a bag or two of her favorite 90 proof catnip snaps on hand just in case.

I’ll bet Snippy’s been a really good boy. (We’ll forget about the four sticks of margarine he ate off the kitchen counter yesterday afternoon. Guess his next big gift to you will come already wrapped… I can’t believe it’s not butter!)

Have you bought him a paw-shaped holiday stocking full of candy cane raw hides?

Or a cute, stuffed toy to sleep with and/or rip to pieces?

He may appreciate some fashionable apparel this season. Leopard tees and red turtlenecks are quite handsome – especially on the less dignified breeds.

Snippy will surely enjoy a spa treatment with honey shampoo, tingling chocolate mint conditioner, spray-on detangler and a much needed teeth whitening.

Ever floss a Rotweiller?  (I didn’t think so…)

Hey Fluffy, why not some Botox to go along with those precious pink bows?

A gift certificate for an acupuncture session is a thoughtful gift for the pooch who barks incessantly. You will enjoy it, too.

If puppy seems stressed all the time, why not enlist a therapy dog for him?

It’s the gift that keeps giving.

After all, aren’t ALL dogs therapy dogs?

Memo from the cat:
It’s a wonderful time to donate to local animal welfare organizations and/or adopt a pet!!!

* We wish you a hairy Christmas * We wish you a hairy Christmas *

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MORE Holiday Gifts I DON’T Want!

14 Dec

Just wondering… do you know anyone who wants these gifts?

1. COZY PJ’s for 20-SOMETHINGS

 

Perfect for a rockin’ slumber party in their parents’ basement.

They are so cute with those footsies and tails… why, they look like toddlers.

Oh, wait, they kind of are like toddlers.

Oh, well.  Arrested development is so definitely under-rated.

I just want to pinch their cheeks!

You can find these hooded, footed jammies in SkyMall.

 

2.  MAGIC WAND REMOTE

For the man who has everything?  Voila!  Yes, another remote.SkyMallIt’s sheer magic.  Perfect for avid Harry Potter fans, too.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203672747&c=10200

 

3.  “CAT TOILET TRAINING SYSTEM”

“Potty Train Your Cat Faster Than Most People Can Potty Train Their Kids

SkyMall


Hmm, let me think, is the cat smarter than my kids?

This is a pretty glamorous product. I bet it’s the same system used in the movie “Meet The Parents.” And there’s a video, too.

You guessed it. It’s available at SkyMall.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203198583&c=10723

 

4.  Giraffe

What do you get a two year old who already has a puppy or a kitten?

Yes, a giraffe!  “The perfect accessory in a nursery, this eye-catching giraffe is a great addition to any decor!”   Hope you have a ladder handy.  Wonder how much bamboo and rat guts “Spotty” eats for breakfast every day?

I didn’t have to tell you!  SkyMall has it!

 

5.  ELECTRONIC RACKET ZAPPERS SET

Killing insects has never been so much fun!  Zap!

SkyMallTo hell with reincarnation.  Just pretend you’re swinging at a tennis ball. You can keep score with every fly you swat and spider your squash.

Zap! Zap! Zap! Zam!

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102870451&c=10430

I want to thank SkyMall for the bounty of creative and entertaining products! It’s a gift of that keeps giving.

Photo credits: SkyMall catalog.

©2011, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
Follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE

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Let There be Light

6 Dec

“Popular Science” doesn’t have to be an oxymoron.
Exciting, entertaining, and even sexy news emerges daily from the bright world of scientific innovation. For instance:
From The Washington Post – How to de-stress law school students before exams?  Puppies!
Equal time for cats (or cat scans) of course.

Here’s a fish that must be low in calories. What is an x-ray fish, you may ask?  Why, here is a brief description: ehow.com

“Baby, baby, can’t you hear my heartbeat?”
“A new study shows that 3-month-old infants and their mothers can synchronize their heartbeats to mere milliseconds.”

ScienceShot: Human Hearts Beat Together  by Meghan Rosen  http://bit.ly/vbQLmX

Saved the best for last.  Here’s a HOT news flash:

>>  CLICK RIGHT HERE  <<

Enlightening article from Time Magazine:

OR HERE http://healthland.time.com/2011/12/01/first-3d-movie-of-orgasm-in-the-female-brain/?xid=newsletter-weekly

HERE’S A GOOD SPOT, TOO.

Photo credits: x-ray fish (forum.rpg.net) and puppy (wikimedia commons)

Enhanced by ZemantaFunny Or Die – Cats with hats http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/690d

Rhyme Time

1 Dec

 

WISDOM

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

We all grace as we grow older,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Smile, smile and you’ll live longer,

 

Money can’t buy happiness

More isn’t more, it’s less.

Life is for the living

It’s better to be giving,

 

Keep your chin up high

You’ll feel better if you cry,

Love is grand and love is gay

Every dog will have his day,

And I was born just yesterday!

Barb Best

 

The master of light verse, Ogden Nash.

The Fly  
The Lord in His wisdom made the fly,
And then forgot to tell us why.  

- Ogden Nash

Judith Viorst is quite funny!

http://www.simonandschuster.com/multimedia?video=626073741001

 

Dorothy Parker of course.

AFTERNOON

When I am old, and comforted,
And done with this desire,
With Memory to share my bed
And Peace to share my fire,

I’ll comb my hair in scalloped bands
Beneath my laundered cap,
And watch my cool and fragile hands
Lie light upon my lap.

And I will have a sprigged gown
With lace to kiss my throat;
I’ll draw my curtain to the town,
And hum a purring note.

And I’ll forget the way of tears,
And rock, and stir my tea.
But oh, I wish those blessed years
Were further than they be!

– Dorothy Parker

Check out The Dorothy Parker Society for everything Dorothy Parker.

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