Archive by Author

My Funny Valentine

8 Feb

 

Valentine’s Day is a super occasion to demonstrate some self-love.

Give yourself a hug. Indulge your senses. Treat yourself.

The pressure is on!  Satisfy yourself!

BTW Need a quickie fun gift for YOU (okay… or a loved one) for Valentine’s Day?

How ’bout My Funny Valentine paperback or ebook?

valentinecover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Less calories than a box of luscious chocolate truffles.

* Funnier than fudge. […]

Smile!

1 Feb

 

You’d think with all the money the government spends, they could hire better photographers at the DMV.

BarbBest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Must law-abiding citizens’ driver’s licenses resemble mug shots?

And why do they order you NOT to smile? Most of us look more attractive if we are smiling (or at least faking it). […]

Boos to The Winter Blues

25 Jan

 

Is your mood ring murky?

Got the winter blahs?  The blues?  Perhaps Seasonal affective disorder?

Are you somewhere between Siberia and Sacramento on The Misery Index?

You’re in style. The winter blues are the new black.

Lightnin' Slim on the cover of his Ace Records...

Lightnin’ Slim on the cover of his Ace Records Winter Time Blues album (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Are you tired? Do you have Low T?    Do you poop out at Pilates?

The problem with January… It’s December weather without the presents, […]

BarbBest.com

2 Apr

YAY!  Because of the POPULARITY of this blog,

YOU can now read it on my new, SEXIER, funnier barbbest.com!

JOIN EVERYBODY there  —>  —>  —>  barbbest.com

Just Click, Like, Subscribe & Join the Funny at  barbbest.com

THANKS!

BarbBestHumorBlog

Barb Best

See you there!    :)   NOW!

BarbBest

Barb Best

—->    —->    —->  www.barbbest.com

And follow me on Twitter @HaBarb

Pharmacy Funk

21 Mar

So Many Ticked off Weary Texters Feigning Satisfaction

PharmacyFun


Standing for over an hour in a ridiculously long line at the hospital pharmacy? (Thank God for smart phones.)

So what if you were just released from the ICU after a week’s stay that was life-saving but spirit-numbing? You may resume your normal activities. Go run that marathon, honey!

This is your first endurance test: Will you get that golden prescription filled in time for the highly critical first dose? Hmm, will you make it to the front of the line alive? Definitely kicking, but alive?

One might assume the pharmacist could do the math and put some more chairs out for the slew of sick and tired waiters. Or perhaps a chaise lounge for dying patients customers?  Maybe an I.V. of chicken soup?  A cookie?

One would assume incorrectly.  (Best to lower those silly expectations.)

PharmacyFun

Stop Making Those Wishful Thoughts Fetch Sadness

How about a creative visualization DVD running on a flat screen TV?  The sound of waves are so soothing. Great for anger management.

I hope this doesn’t come with floss…

Save My Time With The Fake Schmooze. “JUST GIVE ME MY MEDS, DUDE!”

PharmacyFun

*** Nothing says “Mother” like a trip to the emergency room and a week in the hospital with your kid. Thank yous to NYU Medical Center and the superb care they gave my daughter! ***

Follow me on Twitter @HaBarb

New York University School of Medicine

New York University School of Medicine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Follow the Funny – Video

12 Mar

Reblogged from Barb's Blast:

Twitter’s 140 character limit demands a specific, concise form of comedy writing that is demonstrated in the one-liner, epigram and aphorism.

Comedians and comedy writers are skilled at this form. My video homage:

Steve Martin elevates Twitter to an art form with clever and playful humor that is often surreal, and also has fun with the “live time” nature of Twitter as an element in the humor.

Read more… 95 more words, 1 more video

Twitter is great for COMEDY!

PunEmployed

1 Mar

Will work for chocolate…

With unemployment and underemployment so high, many of us are reinventing ourselves professionally.

Baby Boomers, I’m not just talking to you!

You may need to rethink your life mission, your calling, your purpose. Have you perhaps considered these little known professions?  Tell me yours!

* How about?

Tarot Card Scholar

Cleanse Coach

Gumball Historian

Pity Party Planner

Hairball Stylist

Aroma Therapy Artist

Disgusting Flavor Jellybean Taster

Twitter Addiction Therapist

Social Media Profile Photo Consultant

Spam Chef

Diva Enabler

Sleep Coach

Clutter Creator

Principal Caregiver to All Devices Electronic

Rant Management Supervisor

Canine Audio Mitigation Specialist

Goldfish Grief Counselor

Zombie Health Practitioner

Ridiculous Excuse Inventor

Spinner to the Stars

Post-It Technician

Procrastination Coordinator

Giggle Facilitator

Sand Castle CEO

Piggy Bank CFO

Prevarication Tutor

Brain Fart Expert

Food Cravings Blogger

Novelty Piercing Retailer

Dream Consultant

Trampoline Tester

Mirth Maven

Government Pork Regulator

Private Parts Investigator

Jellyfish De-boner

Donkey Behaviorist

Dementia Bracelet Designer

Geriatric Sex Counselor

Houseplant Psychiatrist

DVR Instructor

Memory Engineer

“Men Only Spa” Alcoholic Beverage Coordinator

Pekingese Etiquette Coach

“Girls Night Out” Feelings Auditor

Lollipop Historian

Adult Entertainment Researcher

Spanx Trainer

Pet Wedding Photographer

Professional Wallet Organizer

Candle Counter

I’ll bet you have one… Tell me yours!

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Barb Best and Barb’s Blast with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
Follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE

The Scarlet Letter

19 Feb

Credit: theknot.com.au

Credit: theknot.com.au

In Scrabble, the letter “F” merits a respectable four points. There are only two “F” tiles in the game set, which makes the number of words you can form with the letter “F” relatively limited.

In the real world, the “F” word is everywhere.

In the evolution of the English language, when did “Oh, darn!” become  “Oh, Fu#!” What happened to “friggin?” When did “fudge” deteriorate into “Fu#!”?

When did “take the F train” become “take the ‘Fu#!-ing’ train?”

When did dropping the F-bomb so casually become the status quo?

“F” used to convey a meaning of failure.  A rude, red “F” on a spelling quiz or a math exam would elicit disappointment, or at the least – some extra homework.  Now, “F” means “Fantastic! Fabulous! Good effort! You’re gifted.“

Thank you, Adam Mansbach for your mega bestseller, “Go The F**k To Sleep.”

I’m writing a new book entitled “Stop hurling the “F” word every five seconds because you’re coarsening the language and culture. Plus it’s lazy and boring!”

At some point, talking like a truck driver became cooler than driving a truck.  But like carbon emissions, sulfur dioxide, and lead, “F” contributes to air pollution.

We expect a liberal use of the “F” word from sailors, soldiers, pimps, graffiti artists, New Jersey housewives, Vice Presidents, and F-list stand-up comics, but not from role models or mommy bloggers.

Overheard at the dinner table:

Ten year old daughter:  “Mommy uses the “F” word on her blog!”

Hubs (to Mom):  “You do?”

Mom:  “No, of course not. Well, sometimes, but -”

Daughter:  “You shouldn’t say ‘butt’ either.”

Mom:  “Sweetheart, I’m a writer. I have poetic license.”

Daughter:  “I saw the “F” word twice on your last post.”

Hubs:  “Great. I hope my parents don’t read your blog.”

Daughter:  “And she says it on Twitter ALL the time!”

Hubs:  “Geez…”

Mom:  “Well, you know, everyone else does it…”

Daughter:  “In CAPS. On Twitter. That’s like yelling it.”

Mom:  “It’s for dramatic effect.  I’m using the vernacular. Look it up, honey.”

Daughter:  “In the dictionary?”

Mom:  “Just Google it. V-E-R-”

Daughter:  “Never mind, Mommy. Fu#!” it!”

*****

What do you think?

Sweet Talk

12 Feb

Gotta love romance in advertising.  Sweet talk seduces us.

This sharp little Mini Cooper S Convertible is officially Champagne colored.

Sweet Talk

Topless!

However accurate they may be, the words “Beige,” “Fungus,” and “Urine” don’t seem to have the same attraction as “Champagne.”

I hope the paint doesn’t have a lot of bubbles in it.

I’ll bet it’s really easy to get a DUI in this  car.

Cruising topless in your champagne colored car = joy ride.

“Passion” perfume.

Credit: Californiaperfumes.com

Names like “Bonking,” “Boffing,” or “Horny” don’t hold the same power or charm as “Passion,” do they?

“Kiss.”

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Obviously, “Kiss” says it better than “peck,” “canoodle,” or “buss.”

Wikimedia Commons

Hershey

Hershey “Pecks?” “Smooches?” “Osculations?” No thank you.

Paris Hilton “Tease.”

Credit: Cupidspulse.com

“Tease” says it better than “Shallow,” “Ditzy,” or “Silly Billy.”  Smells like… money!

“My Funny Valentine” available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
Follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE

What Women Want

5 Feb

Gunfire is illegal, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

 

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Kill the black widow spider

Smash the horse fly

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

Slice the venom-spitting snake.

 

Pulverize the prowler

In one Superman swoop,

No spurting blood

No cracking bones

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

No messes, but do it now.

 

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Purr like a kitten, tiger

Dance the Howdy Doody

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

Shower me with mortal sins.

 

Sail me love letters

In my alphabet soup

Stir it hard,

Use your imagination,

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.

 

What do women want, dude?

Most of all?

At least try to enthrall,

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

Be a fan of “Barb’s Blast Humor Blog” on Facebook, CLICK HERE
Follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE