1 – Don’t read the New York Post crime blotter as your bedtime reading. The grotesque stories will sneak into your sexy sweet fairy dreams and turn them into a night terror, perhaps a myocardial infarction.
2 – Don’t drink a double espresso, a Red Bull, or more wine than your body weight divided by 2.5.
3 – Don’t sleep with your cell phone unless you are planning to marry it. Make sure it doesn’t want children. [...]
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. — Bob Hope
Joel L. Schwartz, M.D. The Stress Less Shrink
Before you look down your nose on a clown nose…
It’s important to realize that therapeutic humor is a valuable tool to help others.
Think of those who battle cancer and chronic illness, nurse patients with spinal cord injuries and traumatic brain injury, comfort the dying, care for a parent with Alzheimer’s, cope with the death of a son in a car accident, deal with the legacy of alcoholic parents, struggle with the aftermath of rape, miscarriages, teenage suicide. ARRGH! Unfortunately, “Pain and Suffering” is a reality show playing in all of our neighborhoods.
Hard to believe, but I’m told some people stress out over a lost earring (not me!) or a missed plane (never!) or (God forbid!) a lousy internet connection. (Can you hear me? Is this working?)
Are you a Worry Wart? A Grade A Hypochondriac? Or just a Mom Who Cares?
Afraid of getting the flu this year? Of course you are!
I feel your pain.
5 Flu Prevention Tips JUST for YOU!
Don’t shake hands with anyone. Pretend you’re Japanese and bow humbly from a distance.
Don’t touch elevator buttons, escalator handles, stair railings, or any of your kid’s clothing (especially shirt sleeves as they are SO often used asKleenex) WITH YOUR HANDS. This will require you to be creative AND limber.
Bubble wrap your toddler on play dates. Also limits collateral damage of all sorts. Parents will love you.
If you even begin to feel slightly sick at work or at school, think Ferris Bueller. Better safe than sorry.
Avoid flying, especially in coach. Upgrade to First Class where you can minimize contact with scads of runny-nosed peeps – plus the free booze they give you will kill all kinds of nasty germs.
This may prove to be a tad expensive – 3 or 4 times the coach fare. And that, my friends, is nothing to sneeze at.
WTF? $1239? I’ll use a different credit card – Warren Buffet’s.
Do you have any flu prevention tips? Sharing is caring.
1. It’s not good to eat foods you can’t pronounce. So avoid stuff like quinoa, shitakes, bok choy, and radicchio.
2. A banana makes a perfectly fine antacid. Peel first.
3. Doctors suggest you sniff rosemary to boost your memory and sharpen your test-taking skills. However, ask Rosemary first. “No” means “No Way, Jose!”
4. Garlic is the new black. Wear it liberally to boost your immunity, especially against communicable diseases.
5. Get a daily massage. It may not improve your health, but it sure feels great.
6. For severe digestive upsets, soak naked in zucchini hummus ’til you reek of body odor for a week. Works every time.
7. Duct tape works nicely to eliminate bulbous pimples and unsightly warts. Apply on eyes. Also effective for ear dandruff and nose eczema.
“Do You Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Vagina?” (Frugivore)
My response:
Thank you for asking! This is a question dear to my heart, “in-ny” belly button, and G Spot.
Oh yes, my vagina and I enjoy many lovely times together. We walk on the beach, we contemplate beautiful sunsets, we share moonlit dinners on the Palazzo. My goodness, we even shower together on a regular basis (wink, wink).
We rarely have cross words, however once a month things can get a little touchy. You know what I mean.
But most of the time, my vagina has a terrific sense of humor. Why when I’m down, she makes me laugh. She lifts me up.
Geez, the most awe-inspiring time we had was when we gave birth together! Wow! Hard to top that.
Maybe my vagina will write a memoir some day. She’s actually quite gifted. The title can be: “Vaginas Just Wanna Have Fun.”
Funny, entertaining, informative! Kansas City Parent Magazine humor writer and pediatric R.N. Stacey Hatton at Nurse Mommy Laughs. Much more fun than a hypodermic in the arse! link
Dreamless in Detroit? Narcoleptic in New York? Sleepless in Seattle? Take two romantic comedies, call me in the a.m.
Where the stars often lose their twinkle and die. Lucille Ball, Danny Thomas, Martha Raye, Danny Kaye, Andy Kaufman, Frank Sinatra.
I bet you love Lucy, too. The Lucille Ball Festival of Comedy – August 1-5, 2012 in Jamestown, NYLUCY FEST
Zzzzzz. I had a sleepover with a wad of multicolored wires and hot electrodes at the UCLA Sleep Disorders Lab. Stay tuned.
