Barb Best

The weekend is a wonderful time to indulge in books, food, movies, Facebook, and… ?

Funny Writers       http://humorwriters.org/

Funny Food       http://www.funnyfood.us/

13 Favorite Food Flicks       http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/13-of-our-favorite-food-flicks/food-flicks-willy-wonka/

Facebook Funny Pic        http://on.fb.me/THKHH1

Tracy Flick        http://youtu.be/XaQvqhtCYW0

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• Election (1999)

JUST FOR FUN – A QUIZ

• Ÿ  You would definitely buy a used car from…  a) Barack Obama  b) Mitt Romney  c) The Kardashians  d) The Duggers  e) None of the above

• Ÿ  You love babies…  a) Of course! The more the merrier.  b) Anywhere, but sitting near me on an airplane  c) Only if they are four-legged  d) I prefer them in the womb  e) Sure, they make great props for campaign photo opps

• Ÿ  Food stamps are…  a) A lifesaver for those in need  b) Handy for buying Life Saver candies and cigarettes  c) Rather tasty  d) Fattening  e) A bonanza for fraud

• Ÿ  A full-time job is…  a) a colossal pain in the ass  b) Something I kind of miss  c) Fine if it doesn’t interfere with my FaceBook time  d) What the government owes us  e) An essential part of The American Dream in this exceptional country!

• Ÿ  My retirement fund is…  a)  A victim of chronic abuse  b) Missing In Action  c) What retirement fund?  d) Not enough for my cat to live on for a month  e) Tied to a Golden Parachute

• Ÿ  An AK-47 is…  a) A legal firearm  b) A lubricant  c) A complicated tax form  d) Something obscene that should be banned from the planet!  e) Standard issue with drivers’ licenses in Texas

 :) Aren’t you glad the election is over in less than a week?

I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

Guns aren’t nice, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

                                              WHAT THE HELL DO WOMEN WANT ANYWAY?

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Kill the black widow spider

Smash the horse fly

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

Slice the venom-spitting snake.

Pulverize the prowler

In one Superman swoop,

No spurting blood

No cracking bones

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

No messes, but do it now.

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Purr like a kitten, tiger

Dance the Howdy Doody

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

Shower me with mortal sins.

Sail me love letters

In my alphabet soup

Stir it hard,

Use your imagination,

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.

What do women want, dude?

Most of all?

At least try to enthrall,

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2013, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

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• My Funny Valentine (barbsblast.wordpress.com)