Actually… it was a mammogram from hell*
Ladies… you know the drill.
Your bountiful breasts are slammed onto a cold glass panel (oddly similar to a shelf in your refrigerator), then pressed mercilessly ’til your eyes water or your ears bleed (whichever comes first).
Then the technician runs to her safe place across the room and shouts, “Don’t breathe.”
(“Honey… no problem. I stopped breathing with the first cringing slam.”)
Women… feel our pain!
Forget ’bout water boarding. A grueling slammo on private parts will make grown men squeal like rats.
*Disclaimer: Truly hellish is “Lumps, cysts, malignancies are suspected and/or found.”
* Don’t forget to schedule your annual mammogram.
* Do jokes need warning labels and legal disclaimers now?
Do you like puns?
Do you enjoy punning?
Is it true that a pun is the lowest form of wit?
Is a pun fun?
I love the wordplay involved, and even if the pun is a painfully obvious one… I appreciate the intent and the effort.
It’s my observation that most boys/men tend to appreciate punning more than most girls/women, or say, your average cocker spaniel.
Why is this? Perhaps because the male species is accustomed to playing with… their food? Their cars? Or whatever?
Here’s to more restaurants with a sense of play! Bon appetitter.
“I’ll sleep when I die!” – Lady Gaga
I am proud to announce…
I have made a significant discovery which will advance science and help humankind.
TA DA! [...]
“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.”
― Tennessee Williams
You’re so vain…
You probably think this post is about you! Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
You’d be wrong
Not surprisingly, in Los Angeles, vanity car plates are as common as DD breast implants and Botox.
One would expect a plethora of personalized plates in a community whose members are both incredibly vain and supremely creative.
Vanity car plates often share an entertaining spirit of play and fun. Often the words form a puzzle to solve – perfect for wordsmiths like me sitting in gridlock. “GR8INBD” “STARGAZR” “1 LYNER” [...]
Maybe if you ignore your mile-long “TO DO” List.
Chuck it – Yes! – Chuck that Summer Sand Bucket List!
My Summer “TO DO” List is starting to resemble my annual “New Year Resolutions.”
Not a bad time to recycle.
No, it’s not World Trim That Belly Fat Day or
Belly Button Lint Awareness Week or even
National Spinach in Your Front Teeth Month… [...]
Jamie Lee Curtis – she’s the mother, she’s the daughter, she’s the mother in the daughter’s body, she’s the daughter in the mother’s body? Whatever! Gosh, role reversal comedies are confusing!
She jams at The House of Blues with your garage band, tells your creepy English teacher to take a hike, hops on a Harley for a love ride with the dreamy boy you’re bonkers about and smooches him good – even if it is with her lips, not yours!
What kind of mother flaunts her breast implants, talks trash with your gal friends and offers you an afternoon cocktail?
Hey, don’t judge – it keeps her feeling young! [...]
April was National Stress Awareness Month… which frankly was rather stressful.
Remembering to breathe and all that nonsense. Geez, what a chore!
See you on Twitter… I’m @HaBarb
“More fun than a trip to the dentist!”
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
You’re in the right place, friends.
This is the weekly meeting of HA – Humoraholics Anonymous.
Well, I see many horrified new faces here tonight.
No fear. We have enough caffeine and sugar on the back table to blow your frazzled minds – and most likely feed a few additional addictions. Ha, Ha.
Sorry, I joked in a compulsive way. I’m working on that. [...]