Mindless Thought For The Day: LIFE IS…

28 Jun

 

Life Is just a bowl of organic, over-priced cherries.

BarbBest Cherries

Life is a day at the nude beach (and I forgot my sunscreen and umbrella hat).

[...]

Boob Job: Feel The Pain

21 Jun

 

Had a boob job yesterday.

BarbBestHumor

Actually… it was a mammogram from hell*

This mammogram was a slammogram.

A grand slammo.

Ladies… you know the drill.

Your bountiful breasts are slammed onto a cold glass panel (oddly similar to a shelf in your refrigerator), then pressed mercilessly ’til your eyes water or your ears bleed (whichever comes first).

Then the technician runs to her safe place across the room and shouts, “Don’t breathe.”

(“Honey… no problem. I stopped breathing with the first cringing slam.”)

Women… feel our pain!

Forget ’bout water boarding. A grueling slammo on private parts will make grown men squeal like rats.

English: Woman undergoing a mammogram of the r...

English: Woman undergoing a mammogram of the right breast (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

*Disclaimer: Truly hellish is “Lumps, cysts, malignancies are suspected and/or found.”

* Don’t forget to schedule your annual mammogram.

* Do jokes need warning labels and legal disclaimers now?

 

 

Related articles

 

 

Pun for All? Sounds Fishy To Me

15 Jun

 

Do you like puns?

Do you enjoy punning?

Is it true that a pun is the lowest form of wit?

Is a pun fun?

I love the wordplay involved, and even if the pun is a painfully obvious one… I appreciate the intent and the effort.

It’s my observation that most boys/men tend to appreciate punning more than most girls/women, or say, your average cocker spaniel.

Why is this? Perhaps because the male species is accustomed to playing with… their food?  Their cars? Or whatever?

 

Barb Best Humor Blog

At The Reel Inn restaurant in Malibu, CA they celebrate the pun on their “Special of the Day” menu board out in front.

Fun Signs I have spotted:

“Catfish In The Rye”

“Grouper Therapy”

“Go ahead. Mako my day!”

“Weapons of Bass Destruction”

and

“Tuna Guitar.”

Here’s to more restaurants with a sense of play! Bon appetitter.

Home cocker spaniel

Home cocker spaniel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Join me on Twitter where anything – including all kinds of pun – goes! I’m @HaBarb

 

While You Were NOT Sleeping

8 Jun

 

“I’ll sleep when I die!” – Lady Gaga

I am proud to announce…

I have made a significant discovery which will advance science and help humankind.

TA DA! [...]

Vanity Car Plates 4 Word Lovers – Thy Name is Los Angeles

30 May

 

“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.”
Tennessee Williams

You’re so vain…

You probably think this post is about you!  Don’t you?  Don’t you?  Don’t you?

You’d be wrong :-)

Vanity car license plates… I am obsessed with them.

Not surprisingly, in Los Angeles, vanity car plates are as common as DD breast implants and Botox.

One would expect a plethora of personalized plates in a community whose members are both incredibly vain and supremely creative.

Vanity car plates often share an entertaining spirit of play and fun. Often the words form a puzzle to solve – perfect for wordsmiths like me sitting in gridlock.  “GR8INBD” “STARGAZR” “1 LYNER” [...]

It’s Summer – My “Chuck It” Bucket List

20 May

Cover of "The Bucket List"

Cover of The Bucket List

 

Summer Time and the livin’ is… easy?

Maybe if you ignore your mile-long “TO DO” List.

Chuck it – Yes! – Chuck that Summer Sand Bucket List!

My Summer “TO DO” List is starting to resemble my annual “New Year Resolutions.”

Not a bad time to recycle.

The Endless Summer

The Endless Summer (Photo credit: MacQ)

 

My TO DO List for SUM-SUM-SUM SUMMER:

  • Do nothing. (Unfortunately, so much harder than it sounds. Like meditation or quitting caffeine.)

[...]

Have You Heard of Lupus?

15 May

 

If I MAY

Purple Photos for Lupus Awareness

Purple Photos for Lupus Awareness (Photo credit: Dave77459)If I MAY

No, it’s not World Trim That Belly Fat Day or

Belly Button Lint Awareness Week or even

National Spinach in Your Front Teeth Month[...]

Funny Mom Flicks 4 Mother’s Day

9 May

 

FUNNY MOMS!

Enjoy a laugh or twenty with your kids!

Funny MOM movies for Mother’s day!

Some of our faves…

Film poster for Freaky Friday - Copyright 2003...

Freaky Friday

Jamie Lee Curtis – she’s the mother, she’s the daughter, she’s the mother in the daughter’s body, she’s the daughter in the mother’s body?  Whatever!  Gosh, role reversal comedies are confusing!

She jams at The House of Blues with your garage band, tells your creepy English teacher to take a hike, hops on a Harley for a love ride with the dreamy boy you’re bonkers about and smooches him good – even if it is with her lips, not yours!

 

Mean Girls

Amy Poehler is alpha Plastic Regina George’s “cool mom” in Tina Fey’s screenplay.

What kind of mother flaunts her breast implants, talks trash with your gal friends and offers you an afternoon cocktail?

Hey, don’t judge – it keeps her feeling young! [...]

My BEST TIPS to RELAX ALREADY

1 May

 

Hooray for MAY!

April was National Stress Awareness Month… which frankly was rather stressful.

Remembering to breathe and all that nonsense.  Geez, what a chore!

 

Ahhhh!

Ahhhh!

My BEST TIPS to RELAX ALREADY

  • Have coffee (for the beans) in the a.m. and red wine (for the antioxidants) in the p.m.
  • Eat quality dark chocolate daily in amounts larger than your cell phone but smaller than your head.
  • When feeling anxious, play with something small and furry… maybe a cat or dog or ? Use your imagination.
  • Smile effortlessly ’til it hurts.
  • Help someone else… unless it involves excessive blood loss or advanced calculus.
  • Help someone else help you. Particularly satisfying! Requires an appreciation for manipulation, or as most successful leaders refer to it – motivation.
  • Laugh for no reason ’til you develop TMJ or until you are shunned by family, friends, and lonely strangers on the street.
  •  Instead of an onerous work-out in the gym, take a nap with a pair of earplugs and a gas mask.
  • Don’t drink green tea unless you love green tea. You know it and I know it – sometimes it tastes like expensive hand soap.
  • Have your kids and spouse write a gratitude list. Hopefully you’ll be mentioned now and then. This will make you feel good. Then request a massage… if they are truly grateful, they will comply.

 

See you on Twitter… I’m @HaBarb 

“More fun than a trip to the dentist!”

 

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I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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Humoraholics Anonymous

23 Apr

You’re in the right place, friends.
This is the weekly meeting of HAHumoraholics Anonymous.
Welcome, all!
Well, I see many horrified new faces here tonight.
No fear. We have enough caffeine and sugar on the back table to blow your frazzled minds – and most likely feed a few additional addictions. Ha, Ha.
Sorry, I  joked in a compulsive way. I’m working on that. [...]

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