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Krandeep: Thank you for contacting Time Warner-Verizon-Sprint-Charter-Cox Cable. Give me a minute while I access your account.
Me: (grumble, grumble)
Krandeep: Thank you for waiting. Hello Ms. Best. How are you today?
Me: In a nutshell… fairly frustrated.
Krandeep: Great to know that.
Me: If I miss the RHONY finale this evening, I’ll never speak to Time Warner-Verizon-Sprint-Charter-Cox Cable again. I’ll have to steal – I mean stream – all my precious TV shows on the internet like the dead broke – I mean budget-minded – Millenials.
Krandeep: Okay, thank you for that information.
Me: This is the fifth time I’ve called this week.
Krandeep: Thank you for your loyalty to Time Warner-Verizon-Sprint-Charter-Cox Cable.
Me: Loyalty has nothing to do with it. Good thing you don’t control my cell phone.
Krandeep: (sinister laughter)
Me: I hate you, but I have an emergency here. The cable box doesn’t work. The signal is jumbled.
Krandeep: I understand you’re experiencing some issues with the cable card we installed last week.
Krandeep: I am going to send a refresh signal to your equipment.
Krandeep: First, you will have to power cycle the cable box.
Me: Power cycle?
Krandeep: Unplug and replug.
Krandeep: One moment please.
Krandeep: Thank you for waiting. Make sure the tuning adapter acquires network lock and is solidly illuminated.
Me: Uh… which is the tuning adapter?
Krandeep: The MTR700.
Krandeep: Please let me know when the process is finished.
Me: I pay Time Warner-Verizon-Sprint-Charter-Cox Cable over $200 a month so I don’t need to know what an MTR700 is… let alone be on intimate terms with one.
Krandeep: Thank you for waiting. I was on five other calls.
Krandeep: Is the yellow indicator light on your MTR700 blinking?
Me: What is my MTR700?
Krandeep: That is correct. The MTR700 is the tuning adapter.
Me: I see no blinking lights – except for the flashes on my eyeballs from my impending migraine.
Krandeep: Ms. Best. I am going to break down and send a technician to your house, in order to check what this issue is.
Krandeep: Let me check it, please.
Me: They could have been here by now. The Real Housewives of New York City waits for no one!
Krandeep: Thank you for waiting. The soonest appointment will be for next Friday between 3:00 p.m. and never.
Me: Never? Never?
Krandeep: I sorry. I meant nine o’clock. Believe it or not, English isn’t my first language.
Me: Never. Never sounds good.
I feel your pain! Let’s titter on Twitter… I’m @HaBarb 😀
I Feel Your Pain by Barb Best is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License